That is Priceless by Steve Melcher for January 19, 2022

“Does this dress make my butt look…”

/// In her portrait Marie’s overdressed.

Due to that, very few might have guessed

Europe’s most wealthy heiress.

when wed, living in Paris,

lost control of what she once possessed.

/// Marie and the French King, Henry, married.

(In great part to end debts Henry carried.)

She gave birth to his heir,

so she thought it not fair

that her goal to be crowned, Henry parried.

/// 1610. The political scene

changed for France, and Marie was crowned Queen

on the thirteenth of May.

But the very next day

Her King Henry was killed! (Unforeseen?)

Mary was ready to go to the movies with her whole family. She’s determined to only pay for one admittance.

Only known portrait of Madam Pullmyfinger, the inventor of Beano

In case of disaster, such as being cornered at a party by a dreadful bore, this dress can double as a dirigible and loft the wearer to safety.

“swipeth right!”

/// Marie learned she can’t move from this spot

in her massive gown, heavy and hot.

But because it’s so wide

she’s secreted inside

a plush chair and her own chamber pot.

“To be brutally frank. Yes! That bloody dress does make you look Fat!”

No one knew there were 15 children under her skirt.

“…….and you think your dry-cleaning bill is bad?”

Has trouble getting through some doorways.

It’s where she keeps her Harley Davidson.

That crown is sooo tiny…or is her head too big?

Marie was very territorial.

She always feels so bloated around this time of the month

Perfect toilet paper cover.

Upon further investigation, Clara Clifford the cleaning lady copped the bell as well as the copper clappers. (Classic Johnny Carson skit, for the uneducated)

She’s a flurry of fleurs de Lis

And she brings all the boys to their knees

Though her garb is resplendent

You’ll be told that she has surely has fleas..

She may be a lowly Italian /who smells like an overripe scallionShe reeks when it’s hot /but one thing she’s not /and that is a tatterdemalion.

Poor Marie, she completely misunderstood The Belle of the Ball contest

If this was a Monty Python sketch, she would open her skirt and all fifteen of her children would be crowded beneath it.

Louis Vuitton – Dressmaker for Queens ( and those who carried around a lot of baggage! )

Funny

Somewhere in history there was an actual incident of a fleeing courier or someone, who was hidden beneath a lady’s dress. But I can’t remember the details.

“Finally, fully dressed for the day! Well, looks like it’s bedtime.”

The lady’s 400 pound weight was kept well incognito by the fashions of the day.

“Don’t look, but I’m wearing rollerskates.”

It’s been said that painters, like cameras, add 10 pounds to the picture. (That’s my story & I’m sticking to it.)

So THAT’s what happened to the throw rug!

Québec’s newest Prime Minister is a proud woman.

Portrait of Marie de’ Medici: 

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Frans_Pourbus_(II)_-_Marie_de_M%C3%A9dicis,_Queen_of_France_-_WGA18247.jpg 

(best viewed with Google Chrome, which can automatically translate most webpages if necessary) has info and links that point to more info about this huge painting.

Again, a larger strip image is shown by (⌘- or Ctrl-) clicking the image at 

http://thatispriceless.blogspot.com/2022/01/masterpiece-2863.html 

I have added a comment there (awaiting Mr. Melcher’s approval) pointing to the artist info I used to point to here. First work by this artist used here.

Oh! F$%^&! We’ve been slandering a Medici! Run!

/// Marie’s held in by ermine-skin tethers.

(They’re preferred for their fur, not as leathers.)

At her neck, lacey stuff

where they “feathered” her ruff.

Not to do so would ruffle her feathers.

Marie was hiding all the artists of Florence under her skirts, although some were fighting to get out, as Marie hadn’t bathed is a few weeks.

For her coronation, Queen Marie commissioned a new march entitled “Pomp and Circumference.”

There’s probably an arsenal under there.

/// Some in leadership ban all dissent.

“Be on my team, one hundred percent.”

But Marie’s garb implies

she might brook compromise.

She endorses, it’s clear, the Big Tent.

Her smug expression leads one to believe she’s up to something, if only il modo commando.

Oh yeah! Well you should see what Frans Pourbus the elder paints if you don’t like it! So there!

Ah! I see where Carol Burnett got her idea!

/// You may think that her outfit is silly.

Twelve score fleur-de-lis, placed willy-nilly,

and embroidered with gold.

Silk and ermine enfold

this exemplar of gilding the lily.

“No, no, no dear. You don’t look fat in that at all my dear.”

I’m surprised that Fouci didn’t recommend those for social distancing.