Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for April 09, 2022

Rat, maybe you should claim the table first, then get your coffee.

Moral: Avoid cafes. They’re bad places.

Ronkonkoma Railway Station Bar, Long Island N.Y .. I still remember the bad impression I made trying to skip the coffee line. I was too tired and hadn’t seen it.

The comments: “Italians”.

Yes, Rat, maybe you SHOULD never leave home…

maybe too much coffee?

It’s fun to jump up into the air.

“Jump in the line, rock your body in time.” — Harry Belafonte

May I suggest decaffeinated Rat?

You are right, Rat. People are a pest. Stay home and avoid them.

Relax Rat, you don’t have to hate everybody. Just avoid crowds.

The coffee is a lot less expensive at home too.

We will agree with you on that idea, Rat.

Eh me not needs no tables to drinks coffee. Or tea even.

I haven’t frequented too many coffee shops in the past two years, but when I did, I must have always come in at the right time or been in the right neighborhoods because I don’t recall this particular problem.

If Rat really hated people, he’d get his coffee to go. We misanthropes don’t like hanging out in cafés.

It’s awkward either way cause you just stand there waiting in limbo while you wait for coffee before you sit with coffee. I’m glad I don’t get the urge for Starbucks much anymore.

Maybe you should make reservations.

i avoid rat’s problem by leaving home secure in the knowledge that i’m going to be spending time among people who will in one way or another piss me off because they’re absolute forking morons, thus relieving myself of the anxiety of anticipating the stress that they’re going to cause me.

and, yes, to answer the question, i have exactly the same way of viewing the world as rat and make no apologies for it…

I blame global warming…

I am 2with Rat. Table jumpers are jerks.

Or make your own coffee at home! Yeah! That’s the ticket!

The reason you left home, rat is because you have 276 brothers and sisters! Remember?

They’re both right. Rat’s too tightly wound, and that’s why he should never leave home.

Rat is drinking too much coffee.

I can’t believe that’s even possible.

You’re too dependent on coffee, Rat, just like Garfield. Maybe that’s why you’re so wound up.

And that’s one thing I have enjoyed about all this isolationism – I can always find a seat at my own kitchen table!

Or cut back on the coffee.

I find that works best, rat.

Apparently this cafe doesn’t offer table service…perhaps time to find a new establishment?

You want tables, study up on your Excel.

Doesn’t Rat sometimes work at a café or coffeehouse?

This has happened to me a lot. I just go to a less-busy coffee shop. There’s tons.

Sorry Rat, I’m one of those people.

About 2 hours ago Mudd said,

“Margarita Beach Hotel in Pensacola.” just so noone misses the chance to make your own decision. I will NEVER go to Flori dah,again. Con artists will sell you swamp,still. Peace.

There are better reasons for being misanthropic.

No, no, I’m with Rat with this one!

That person isn’t jumping the line for the table. They’re donating their nice laptop to you.

Yeah, right.

Ooo, so bad. Sorry Rat, but in this case shove your words up your backside. It’s when they come in after you when you’re already in line and jump in line ahead of you that you should be concerned about.

Best solution: Make your own coffee at home. You shouldn’t be facing a bunch of humans, (or rats) that haven’t had their coffee yet, before you’ve had your coffee.

Rat, don’t be mad just because you didn’t think of it first. If you’ve seen it happen enough times to complain about it, then it’s clearly something that cafes don’t have a problem with, so start taking advantage yourself.

Buy a French Press machine and a good coffee grinder then find the right roast level for your taste. You’ll never have to go waste $7 in a coffee shop again.

For everyone’s sake, Rat, don’t take your guns to town, son, leave your guns at home, Rat, don’t take your guns to town!

https://tinyurl.com/wexud4y

rat’s had too much coffee.

Mebbe just switch to decaf?

Rat is my spirit animal

It really is better to stay home …

I hate people who don’t know what they want to order and take 10 minutes deciding while the long line behind them fumes.