That is Priceless by Steve Melcher for June 07, 2022

“Daddy, I’m going to tell Mommy you were kissing the waitress if you don’t double my allowance.”

Little sister, getting some prime blackmail material.

I just want to sample your figs

/// In this scene of The Lover’s Advance,

Titus clearly is after romance.

Vesta blocks his pursuit

by upending some fruit.

Her two sisters look on (one askance).

/// Lusty Titus is only aware

of the girl, not the fruit on the stair.

As toward her he reaches

he finds only peaches,

but he really was seeking her pear.

/// Hands grip Vesta’s left arm and her waist.

She must calm him or end up disgraced.

With a smile and a wink

she gives Titus a drink.

She’s still chased, but, for now, she’s still chaste.

Cadius was later found broken and bruised at the bottom of the stairs.

“I saw mommy kissing Androcles, while she held a bulging plate of grapes…”

“You’re a real gluteus, Maximus, butt…”

Not here Blotus. The children are watching. Meet me in the garden near the ivy, and I’ll scratch your itch.

Oooh she lost her cherry.

Moe Howard’s mother testing a prototype of the pie-in-the-face routine.

And here comes the windup for the old plate of fruit in the face routine

Or….“Take a breath mint!”

“Geez, Flavius, you’re Titus Andronicus!” (Apologies to Swann & Flanders).

Oops! You made me drop a pear!

Little Sister: Sweet, I’ll get the bed to myself again tonight.

Don’t you come near me with that banana, I’m having grapes to myself.

“This old frock? Why, I saw it hanging in a window and I just had to have it.”

Having overindulged on wine/

He’s crossing the unseen line/

I’m telling you, hon’/

Drop that tray, cut and run…

He’s Flavius Gracchus Epstein.

Look, if you want to win Caligula’s Silly Walk Contest, you have to bend backwards just a bit more, thrust that chest upwards!

Ha, a swing and a miss. Flavius is out.

Although it’s stating the obvious to say / It’s not the diem he’s trying to carpe! / He was hoping for some / Erotic sport in the forum. / Well, after all, that is the Appian Way.

Of course she’s not interested, his nickname is Flatus Prolongus.

This has nothing to do with the figures in the painting, but I note that the inventor of the ceiling fan used blades that were way too short and fat.

I don’t speak Latin. Can someone please translate for me?

The invention of the frisbee.

“She’s dodged the last tackler! She could… go… all… the… way!”

Why does everybody keep thinking something naughty is going on? She just slipped on the stair and Flavius caught her so she wouldn’t fall.

Depp v. Heard, the early, EARLY days.

No snacking between meals, Publius.

Mommy, where’s the rest room, I have to pee?

" It’s not those succulent grapes I crave " whispered Salax Lascivus Grabasseus " but your delicious pears and other hidden fruits "

Unfortunately, for the amorous Salax, his words were overheard by Pulchara Meretricula’s sister Loquacia, who promptly told their father Inflictus Maximus Iniurius.

Proof waitresses were hit on, even back in the unknown days.

Well then, how about cunnilingus?

The Lover’s Advance: 

Paste (including the quote marks) 

"Category:Edwin Blashfield" site=commons.wikimedia.org

(syntax supported by the Google, Yahoo, Bing, DuckDuckgo, Ecosia, and Yandex search engines) in the browser address bar (or search for it using one of those search engines) and chose the first Category: found, and once there find the text string Lover, and click its link for info and links that point to more info about this roughly jumbo envelope size painting.

Again, a larger strip image is shown by (Ctrl- or right-) clicking the image in Mr. Melcher’s MASTERPIECE #2938 (June 6, 2022) blog entry, accessible by the Check out the blog! box after the last comment, and using the dropdown menu (even larger if you trim what’s after .png from the URL). I have added a comment there pointing to the artist info I used to point to here. So far 2 works, by this artist, have been used here. The May 31, 2013, strip has the prior (the 13 hyperlinks in my comment there have been deactivated, and the line breaks removed, but perhaps the text remains informative).

Caesar si viveret, ad remum spatiere.If Caesar were alive, you’d be chained to an oar.

Marry him! Anyone who can wear a toga dyed entirely in purple must be filthy rich.

She thought he was after her but all he wanted was the pizza rolls, he was too fat for her anyway.

cover of the 16 b.c. sears christmas catalog…

But his doctor bills killed him anew/

(As you knew very well they would do)/

His final position

Vis-a-vis his physician/

Was supine- as ours will be, too.

It was easy to follow Flavius. Just follow the trail of disheveled females.

/// A tough balancing act must I do;

holding fruit and drink— holding off you.

And I must keep a smile

(gritting teeth all the while).

It’s still two thousand years ‘til “me too.”

Me too is (at times) a conceit/Now and then it’s a two way street/If you’re lucky, you, too/May be one of the few/Who succumb to a cougar in heat….