Frazz by Jef Mallett for September 12, 2022

Horns are only for show when they’re not on the battlefield. In battle, enemy swords catch on them.

Historical accuracy isn’t what football players (or their owners) care about. Passing accuracy, sure… but the bottom line for all of them is some combination of money and having fun w/ the game. Mostly money.

I suppose they could play home games in Scandinavia.

Better to have used batik.

I don’t think they ever played football either.

Vikings had homes. They were not nomads, though they did travel. I’ve visited what’s left of a few viking longhouses on Shetland.

Wagner operas are to Viking helmets as Disney nature films are to migrating lemmings>

Aren’t the football Viking uniform colors purple and white?

If they were historically accurate they would keep the stadiums they win.

I love the Viking cruises, the shore excursions are really exciting!

If this were historically accurate, they wouldn’t be wearing the Steelers colors!

I always thought they were stylized wings, like on Asterix’s helmet.

They should still play their home games outdoors like the Purple People Eaters of old

If you were present-day accurate, you’d know their colors are purple and gold…

If it were accurate their would be NO horns – Vikings didn’t have horns on their helmets – https://www.history.com/news/did-vikings-really-wear-horned-helmets

I keep waiting for the Norse to claim the team name is offensive. Then they can rename them something stupid like the Guardians.

If they were historically accurate, they’d win a championship at least once in a century…

One of my pet peeves—when I still payed any attention to football.

More accurate than if they had actual horns on their helmets, since that was never really a thing.

The Vikings “played home games” as well.

The branding of professional athletics is not historically accurate? I’m shocked … SHOCKED! This must be stopped before it pollutes the pristine ranks of collegiate sports! Oh, wait …

Next Jef will tell us that the food-industry power-couple, Aunt Jemima and Uncle Ben aren’t actually married.

What do you see when you hear the word “Viking”?

A man in a helmet that’s horned?

Alas, there’s no evidence Vikings would ever

Go off on a raid thus adorned.

While only one real Viking helmet, from Gjermundbu,

Still is intact to this day,

Such horns are too heavy for close-quarters fights,

And the joint wouldn’t knock blows away.

A couple medieval renditions show ritual

Helmets with hornlike protrusions,

Which might have been meant to be ravens or snakes,

But they’re not the main source of confusions.

I read that the Romans attributed helmets

With horns to the northernmost tribes.

They didn’t care which, and it’s likely they thought

That the look gave barbarian vibes.

(Please note: While it’s true that the Vikings had raiders,

They weren’t all that savage or mean.

They didn’t drink mead from the skulls of their foes,

And by standards of yore, they were clean.)

It seems archaeologists dug up a helmet

Right next to some horns made for drinking

And made the assumption the horns had come off it,

In line with the Roman-type thinking.

There came the Romanticist Viking revival,

When artists thought horns would look sweet.

They blended the Viking and Bronze Age depictions;

Their research was hardly complete.

Today we make Vikings look rather cartoonish

When not such a fright to behold,

But history lessons have value regardless.

I hope you don’t mind being told.

—me

Why can’t you shut up and watch the games.

Some went up the Volga and became Russians.

This kid knows about sub-atomic particles and the intellectual musings of Marcel Proust but is just now hearing about a football team named the Vikings? (FWIW, there’s one pro team by that name but 14 colleges and scores of high schools, in 26 states, also called Vikings. See https://sportsnicknames.fandom.com/wiki/Vikings)

I laughed! And then thought of that article about the history of Vikings and how they were out and about to try to get more land to raise their sheep on, because you need more sheep to make more felted wool to make more sails for your ships (they really were made out of felted wool!) so they could go exploring so they could get more land and raise more sheep so they could… Yeah.

Vikings had horns on helmets, Loki Stone.