That is Priceless by Steve Melcher for September 20, 2022

The fisherman was hoping the woman would give him something for bringing her husband home since that was all that was caught that day.

Is this your cadaver, erg, husband, ma’am? I found him floating in the canal

Yeah, he got into a fight again. Picked a stevedore twice his size this time. I keep telling him that he can’t handle his liquor, but he never believes me when he’s sober.

Do you see the old sea captain? I see the old sea captain!

Don’t mind us, miss. We’ll just be borrowing your dining room for a little impromptu surgery. You see my friend has a bullet where it really doesn’t belong

“He says he wants to go another round with you.”

The question is, who’s more drunk, the guy that can’t stand up or the artist who thinks the room is tilted?

/// This Pulp painting asks, “What Happened Here?”

(Things are not always as they appear.)

They may be on a boat.

Listing hard; still afloat?

Does the woman show shock, guilt, or fear?

/// There’s a man in a wet shredded shirt

(who is dead, or dead drunk, or just hurt)

held up by an old salt.

Was what happened his fault?

This strange Rorschach test may disconcert.

Illustrators like Schoonover enhanced my reading experiences considerably when I was young. Often my visualizations of characters did not initially jibe with theirs, but sometimes theirs prevailed.

OFFICER: “We brought him home from the laundromat, Mum. Put too much strong bleach in the machine, it seems. Nearly asphyxiated himself, he did.”

WIFE: “Lye, lye! This is the second time he mixed lye and bleach. And look at his new shirt! Beyond repair! Your lungs are going to look like that, you fool!”

“Ma’am, whatever your marital problems are, is between you and him. But you can’t keep dumping the body in the canal.”

Once he regained consciousness he realized he had stumbled into the wrong room again. This was his wife’s twin sister, the martial arts expert.

Sheila wins the battle for first in the Ladies’ restroom, leaving her huge “trans” opponent to be carried off by “their” supporters. Another victory for Floridian womanhood !

As you can see on the table, he had this all plotted out already.

“Nope, that’s not my wife either. Let’s try the house next door.”

O, what wonders we have saw -/

“Nature – red in tooth and claw !”/

Two smal cubs lie in her lair:/

Trifle not with “Momma Bear”!

(Yes – I’m tired of limericks)

Who would hang this on a wall?

Bill would never again make the mistake of telling Mary that her pot roast was too salty

I told you that sailing the Caribbean during the summer months wasn’t the smartest thing to do…

The Big Deal of the Day wasn’t behind this door. You got Zonked!

In five seconds, Alfred mistakes his sister Doris for the porcelain commode.

“Surf’s up !”

Thanks for what you do, Mr. Melcher. Your work very often introduces me to interesting artists.

While this looks somewhat suspicious, / But that premise is really quite specious. / She’d sent an innocent male / To a pre-Christmas “Black Friday Sale,” / Where he discovered those blue-haired old ladies are often quite vicious!

Now lets go see what’s behind door number three.

Interesting picture. Uses the offset from the horizontal as a device that adds to the suspense, almost like Alfred Hitchcock might use. Also seems to be influenced by the emergence of silent films. Film-making had become quite sophisticated by 1912.

This reminds me of the frontispieces from old editions of mysteries.

“Let’s move to San Francisco you said. House prices after the 1906 earthquake will be amazingly affordable you said.”

Who knew Tinder delivered?

Would you please control your husband Mrs. Robinson. He’s drunk and disturbing the crew, running around shouting “We’re going sink in this storm and be marooned on an island.”

Uh, that’s still a Runcible Spoon…

♪ " What do you do with a drunken sailor?

What do you do with a drunken sailor?

What do you do with a drunken sailor early in the mornin? " ♫

“Here’s yer husband, lass. Next time maybe he’ll be more careful about bad-mouthing fish sticks.”

Edgar…you and your cigars………….

“Special delivery? I wasn’t expecting a package. And it looks damaged Send it back.”

What Happened Here?: 

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Frank_Earle_Schoonover_-_What_Happened_Here_(1912).jpg 

has info and links that point to more info about this roughly jumbo envelope size painting.

Again, a larger strip image is shown by (Ctrl- or right-) clicking the image in Mr. Melcher’s MASTERPIECE #2997 (September 20, 2022) blog entry, accessible by the Check out the blog! box after the last comment, and using the dropdown menu (even larger if you trim what’s after .png from the URL). I have added a comment there pointing to info about this artist I used to point to here. First work by him used here.

It’d be nice to get the original title of the works here…. This particular painting is quite interesting; I wonder what the subject is.

/// Their ship went on a mystery quest,

which the captain kept close to the vest.

All he wrote in his log:

“Island, shrouded in fog

is our goal at thirteen degrees West.”

/// A man, Bill, was on board, who’d regret

that he’d come with a lovely brunette.

Just before they departed

for this island uncharted,

he admitted his state— deep in debt.

/// The ship’s captain, convinced there was wealth

to be seized from this island by stealth,

sent the young man ashore

to observe and explore.

Bill agreed, to ensure the girl’s “health.”

/// He returned, half-drowned, battered and bruised.

By Bill’s tale, captain wasn’t amused.

For, according to Bill, a

thirty foot tall gorilla

was the reason he’s torn and contused.

/// Filled with rage, Cap refused to be conned.

He made Bill and the girl go beyond

the huge wall cross the isle

where, in just a short while,

Kong ate both. (Neither one was a blonde.)

That could have been my old man many years ago or one of my probationer not to manyyears ago!

“Please, officer, don’t put me back in there with her… I’ll talk, I’ll talk!”

There was no doubt about it. Miss Mary Eliza Prentiss was the most feared “Bad Cop” in all of New York.

DC/Warner’s gritty “Andy Capp: The Motion Picture” was never released. At the preview screenings, every one of the audience response cards was returned simply reading “You forgot his hat, morons.”

madam, it was a tough fight, but I got him home, he said he never wanted to see you again ever!

/// The old salt held the rescued man higher.

The girl stared at him, warm with desire.

Or… perhaps she was not,

for black smoke, thick and hot,

indicates that her room is on fire!

“Honest, all I said to her was ‘You shouldn’t wear white after Labor Day’ and she went &$#@!% nuts!”

“Honey, I know this looks bad. But you should see the other guy.”

“Well, OK. I already see dozens of other guys, so what’s one more?”

WHEN YOU FORGET YOUR ANNIVERSARY ONE TIME TOO MANY…

Bringing your bloke home now Ma’am. The posh kids couldn’t find a “pinata” for their birthday, asked me to grab some skint git off the street to do over.

Oy! The days when I can just swipe left isn’t coming fast enough!

“Stella!”