That is Priceless by Steve Melcher for October 25, 2022

“My next coat is going to have pockets.”

Why is Napoleon always wearing old-man pants that go half-way up to his armpits?

This swine robber of an artist charged me by the wrinkle he painted in my clothing.

Napoleon, attempting to keep Kuato quite.

/// His right hand in his vest, as expected,

is where most comments will be directed.

But we miss David’s twist—

clutched tight in the left fist

is some object we barely detected.

/// So what would France’s Emperor hold

in his study? It seems to be gold.

Perhaps knuckles of brass

(purchased in Montparnasse)

which is how Josephine was controlled.

David didn’t pull his punches/

And Napoleon didn’t skip lunches./

You’d never find him/

Hanging out at the gym/

And he certainly didn’t do crunches..///

David liked keeping it real/

And he knew that Boney’s appeal/

Would be fleeting at best/

And would end in arrest/

In spite of his buns of steel.

At the moment David has depicted/

The Emperor’s clearly afflicted/

With abdominal woe -/

Might a helping of “Jo”/

Be the cause of his colon, constricted?///

It is known that he had special ways/

Of enjoying Madame Beauharnais/

Ways that weren’t confined /

To the places they dined/

“Underserved” for a number of days.//:

We needn’t go into detail;/

Perhaps he ate something stale/

Maybe Something unwashed/

Upon which he “noshed”:/

It probably wasn’t a snail.

Hey, how about another Napolean brandy?

Napoleon, after switching his laundry detergent, regretting his ‘rash’ decision.

Made me snort out loud this morning. Thanks, Steve!

Clone, Clone to Arrange

The great Napoleon, once Emperor of France

Poses with a noble and haughty stance.

Why does he reach deep beneath his blouse?

Most likely it’s to crush a pesky body louse,

His fingers thus reddened he then wipes on his pants.

.

If genetic material could be from this obtained

Would a new leader arise from he who reigned

To take control of whole swaths of Europe

And flow across the world like maple syrup?

Could samples from historic people also be gained?

.

Like Jurassic Park techs we’d disassemble

Bits and pieces of skin and hair to assemble

A chimeric human of wit and guile

To make a leader in a total style

At whom the world would bow low and tremble!

.

A dab of this here, a pinch of that there,

A few preserved follicles of the hair;

Some spittle that landed in a splotch;

(Perhaps some semen leftover near the crotch)—

To make a leader to whom none could compare!

.

But to dampen traits of excess ambition

Some liquefied blood might be mixed in addition,

A relic of a Saint of spotless reputation

Its location verified as to certain location …

You get the idea, now carry on this Mission!

His jacket looks designed specifically around his hand and tummy…

World’s worst magician preparing to make a rabbit “magically appear”

Wanna play with my ding-a-ling (! or ?)

Hands are hard to draw.

“Troops left in Russia? What about them? I’m back.”

Just a little more and I’ll have a large enough belly button lint ball to show off to the troops.

People will learn your secret once Terry Gilliam gets hold of this portrait, mon général.

You probably wouldn’t want to play poker with this guy.

Napoleon, making an 1812 overture to that hot mademoiselle doing nude modelling.

“Do these pants make me look hung?”

Famous for the misunderstood saying to his valet – “Get rid of the robes, Pierre.”

The Emperor Napoleon in His Study at the Tuileries: 

Paste (including the quote marks) 

"Category:Portrait of Napoleon in his study at the Tuileries (Jacques-Louis David)" site=commons.wikimedia.org 

(syntax supported by the Google, Bing, Yahoo, DuckDuckGo, Ecosia, and Yandex search engines) in the browser address bar (or search for it using one of those search engines) and choose the first Category: (for some reason Google omits that from the link, try the first in that case) found, and once there find the first WGA text string, and click its link for info and links that point to more info about this roughly lifesize painting. There are much better images of the painting in that category. The image pointed to by Expand (at the right) link perhaps shows it best.

Again, a larger strip image is shown by (Ctrl- or right-) clicking the image in Mr. Melcher’s MASTERPIECE #3017 (October 25, 2022) blog entry, accessible by the Check out the blog! box after the last comment, and using the dropdown menu (even larger if you trim what’s after .png from the URL). I have added a comment there pointing to the blog entry with my comment pointing to info about this artist I used to point to here. So far, 9 works by this artist have been used here. The October 26, 2021, strip has the prior.

Do you think one sock is enough?

“And this is my ‘sexy’ pose with bedroom eyes. Is it working?”

See today’s news about Napoleon’s peni$. Really.

What’s in his other (left) hand?

Faked out by another phantom vibration from where he carries his phone.

A belt, suspenders, and a firm grip… just to be sure. The emperor is not completely confident in his tailor’s skill. I’m mean really, no zipper?

n.bona having a unusually long “member” liked playing with it since no one could know what he was doing, although many guessed correctly.

FINALLY a politician who keeps his hands to himself!

I’m in my study, so … I’m studying!

What else does it look like I’m doing?

/// Bonaparte tries to stop, yet he fails.

He is constantly biting his nails.

Chews them down to the quick

and then, using this trick,

hides the proof that in battle he quails.