That is Priceless by Steve Melcher for February 28, 2023

“You go to the Heinz plant, while I’ll talk to the Ragu people.”

/// The tomatoes were picked— they were done,

but one basket’s left out in the sun.

Though they’re being sun-dried,

too much moisture’s inside,

and the process of rot has begun.

/// These Italian girls both planned it so;

they’ve discovered they share the same beau.

He has shown no contrition,

so they’ve grown ammunition:

pounds of rotten tomatoes to throw.

“Every day the only thing my family will eat is pizza for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.”

He keeps calling me “Butterface”…what does that mean?

What he actually said was “You’ve got nice to-may-toes babe”.

So I told him wait here and I be right back, and I came down here. Poor sap is probably still sitting there.

He had a tisket. She had a tasket. Looks like she jsef the basket.

Ok, first we hit my boss’s house with this basket and the then your ex’s car with the other one

”As You Slice It”

It’s tomatoes in baskets the peasant girls carried.

The younger of them was about to be married.

The older girl advised her how to act right,

How to behave sexy on her wedding night.

(The older wench was extremely jealous,

She had had the hots for the groom Marcellus!)

.

“Smear raw tomatoes all over your bod,

No, no — do it, although it seems odd.

It drives men crazy, they just can’t refrain

From licking and kissing, acting insane.

And when that silly business is done,

Why, the wedding night fun’s just barely begun!”

.

It seemed like a cool Sybaritic thing to do,

But who knew what tragic thing would ensue:

The groom saw his new wife spread out on the bed,

Thought her covered in blood and assumed she was dead!

In despair and grief and spurred by raw terror,

He stabbed himself in the heart, unaware of his error!

.

And of course the girl wakened and saw all the mess

And in turn stabbed herself in extreme distress!

A practical joke gone awry, an outcome unintended,

But the wrong that was done can never be mended!

But the incident later was deemed kind of funny,

And a comedy of it made lots of money!

Thought she was saying “2-may-2” at first!

“I tell you Maria, if Carlo ever tries that again you grab him with one hand and squeeze as hard as you can until he’s on his knees and in tears. Trust me…He’ll respect you from then on!”

The girls are harvesting sun-dried tomatoes.

Sally explained, "At first I was selling seashells down here by the seashore but people went around randomly saying it out loud all the time, it was rather creepy, so now I just sell these tomatoes.

Carrots, celery, beets, parsley, lettuce, watercress and spinach juice. Then purée them and pour into bottles or cans. I don’t know why they call it “V-8”. There’s only seven vegetables.

Two tomatoes, neither one very cute/

Engaged in a heated dispute/

Weather Basil or pesto/

Added adequate zest: oh/

How fortunate – neither could shoot !

So Fredo told me if we have our honeymoon today he’d marry me next week!

Rose and Maria are plotting. They’ve got to stop Gianni from ogling all the beefsteaks in town and start looking at their juicy cherries and plums.

“So the father tomato says to the little tomato ketchup, I just don’t get it.”

“…and it wasn’t until after I’d kicked him in the groin that I realized he actually was talking about my tomatoes.”

“You’re never getting married at this rate, Hildegard.”

“Everyone thinks ‘fish’ when they talk about the ocean. I’m cornering the market on sea-harvested tomatoes and bread.”

A couple of tomatoes sitting with a basket of something.

“Well your secret is safe with my indifference. " – T. Jaffe

ON THE RIGHT: So you expose your huge right forearm in order to turn-on the guys??? What’s so hot about your ability to squeeze things?"

ON THE LEFT: Think about what happens when you milk a cow…

ON THE RIGHT: Huh? OHHHHH!

Italian girls with tomatoes in baskets or Fruit bearers from Amalfi: 

Paste (including the quote marks) 

"Category:Amalfi" site=commons.wikimedia.org 

(syntax supported by the Google, Bing, Yahoo, DuckDuckGo, and Ecosia search engines) in the browser address bar (or search for it using one of those search engines) and choose the first Category: found and once there find the text string KMS1787, and click its link for info and links that point to more info about this roughly jumbo envelope size painting.

Again, a larger strip image is shown by (Ctrl- or right-) clicking the image in Mr. Melcher’s MASTERPIECE #3088 (February 28, 2023) blog entry, accessible by the Check out the blog! box after the last comment, and using the dropdown menu (even larger, if you trim what’s after .png from the URL). I have added a comment there pointing to the blog entry with my comment pointing to info about this artist I used to point to here. So far, 3 works by this artist have been used here, the February 20, 2023, strip bring the prior.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J2oEmPP5dTM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LOILZ_D3aRg

“Duh, we just take these to England to sell and we make a tidy profit after travel expenses!”

As one does….

I agree that we should expand our product line, just not sure of the demand for “caramel tomatoes”

with this basket of donuts, we can have as many men as we want. no more being turned down.

Biggest sacrifice my wife ever made for my birthday was getting tickets to Nice Work If You Can Get It, which includes the song. She hates Gershwin.

Always thought it was tuh-meh-ters