Frank and Ernest by Thaves for November 02, 2023

If I’d won a big prize, I don’t think I’d want to burn a bridge.

You may also be the smartest person in the world, but the odds are against it.

You may already be a winner. You may already be a loser. You may want to wait until you know for sure. If you send in $100.00, we will guarantee that you win at least $50.00

If you burned bridges, that would likely make you a “sinner.” If captured by cannibals, a “dinner.”

If you respond to this ad, you may already be a wiener.

You may already be a loser, but don’t cross any bridges.

and if you respond you will be on our junk mail list forever

when I go to the casino I always win or break ever, but never lose… because I don’t gamble…!

It’s from Ed McMahon at the Dead Letter Office.

And keep your day job.

My fav prize announcement came in a package of Oreos once upon a time. It said, “You have not won one of over 14,000 prizes!” And my first thought was, “Wow, am I ever a loser.”

Luckily I never hit ‘Send’ on my resignation e-mails before the lottery numbers were actually picked.

An old con: the first 50 callers will receive $xxxx discount. What they don’t say is that that’s one for each state, not, as implied, for the locality where the ad appears.

Another is the furniture deal. Buy the set and get $xxxx off the entire order. That they jacked the price to cover the discount is not suggested.

I once watched a salesman change out the original price tags on furniture to cover the sale discount.

PT Barnum, or whoever was right.

You may already be a winner, but most likely you’re just another loser. Bwa-ha-ha.

Don’t go into that butcher shop in the bad side of town that advertises “You may soon be a wiener.”

“…don’t burn any bridges.”

And to be doubly safe, don’t build any bridges of wood.

I’ll never forget The National Lampoon subscription promotion cartoon, which featured a hot dog opening a letter at his mailbox: “You may already be a weiner.”