That is Priceless by Steve Melcher for April 29, 2024

/// “Milking cows is your job, how’d you fail?”

Elsie’s answer, a stale Oft Told Tale:

“With the bucket near full,

I reached under the bull

by mistake. He kicked over the pail.”

Have milking stool. Will travel.

“I think that painter is actually a P.I. working for my husband.”

Not sure why the doctor wanted a stool sample, but okay…

The dairyman had planned to wed/

but he chose to stay single instead/

when he dropped by the dairy,/

and he saw something scary:/

Twas what Mary would wear on her head.

The wary little milkmaid was oh so leery when the dairy hand said he would gladly open his barn door for her anytime.

He’s milking those jokes for all they’re worth.

And, believe it or not, this guy’s the cream of the crop around those parts.

First instance of a young man thinking: Why buy a cow when the milk is free?

She thought a girl of her position should be the best at milking a joke. But the guy who cleaned the barn could pitch the BS far better than anyone else.

As he examined the body in the latest barn homicide, Medical Inspector Jones said to himself, “The murder weapon appears to have been a blunt object with a flat, round surface. I wonder what it could have been.”

It was times like this that Louisa wondered why she’d given up her lucrative job as a web designer and programmer to become a milkmaid.

“hi doctor, i have my stool sample you requested.”

“That Dr. Jenner creeps me out. He keeps poking at those bumps on my hands and arms…”

“I think you stepped in something.”

“How could I not?! It’s cow patties from here to Sussex!”

“Cheesy jokes; and here I thought you were calling me over to flirt… ‘howbout I whack you up side o’ the head with this stool, wanker?”…

An Oft Told Tale: 

Paste (including the quote marks) 

"Category:Stools in art" Wikimedia 

(syntax supported by the Google, Bing, Yahoo, DuckDuckGo, Ecosia and Yandex search engines) in the browser address bar (or search for it using one of those search engines) and choose the first Category: found and once there find the text string Tale, and click its link for info and links that point to more info about this roughly B4 paper size, oil on panel painting. 

Again, a larger strip image is shown by (Ctrl- or right-) clicking the image in Mr. Melcher’s MASTERPIECE #3312 (April 29, 2024) blog entry, accessible by the Check out the blog! box after the last comment, and using the dropdown menu (even larger, if you trim what’s after .jpg from the URL). I have added a comment there pointing to the blog entry with my comment pointing to info about this artist I used to point to here. So far, 46 works (57 times, including 11 repeats) by him have been used here, the December 1, 2023, strip being the prior (a repeat).

Jessie has to listen to yet another mansplaining about how udders work.

Milkmaid is looking at us like ‘Can you believe this guy?!’

In addition to being used as a short legged stool it is also useful as a blunt instrument. Guess which usage she will put it to first!

“Well, just fix the dang latch … don’t just hand me a stool! Men!”

I have a job to do. Cow or no cow, somebody’s getting milked…

“Ummmmm”, she paused as she looked around to make sure they were alone, “yes, in fact, I am that kind of milkmaid. This stool is for you!”

He’s going to milk those puns until you’re udderly sick of him.

He was only a rustic swain /

and his wit was uncouth and inane /

Whereas she had read Austen/

And hobnobbed in Boston/

So his chances of failure were plain.///

She was wont her refinement to flaunt/

And she wasn’t above a cruel taunt/

Yet he never ceased striving/

And constant conniving:/

She’s the rock – but he’s like the rain.///

She’d demeaned him, and called him a clown/

But as time passed, he wore her down:/

Now she clutches the stool/

That’s her favorite tool:/

And she smiles in a shapeless gray gown.

Why to cows have bells?? ‘cus their horns don’t work!

having a bad back, hellene brought a stool just incase he was willing.

You’re holding a stool, Miss. Go ahead and clock ’im with it!

For me to let you in, you must answer three questions.

What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

“Is this seat taken”?

For tomorrow:

He’s weeping because he’s aware/

That the law is a horrible snare/

He’s clearly been caught:/

A defense must be bought/

And he hasn’t the cash to spare…

She looks lack-toes intolerant.

The reason she likes to go there/

is his wit and his savoir faire./

But perhaps best of all/

She gets out of her stall:/

She likes working en plein aire.