Crankshaft by Tom Batiuk and Dan Davis for June 20, 2024

Cindy smiles, knowing that Mason was once chosen to play the thoroughly unheroic Les Moore.

“And what can you tell us about your performance in the next Starbuck Jones movie?”

“You men Ringtones of the Lard? I’m going to phone it in!”

Ok, I’ll say it: where’s Cranky?

Gee, can’t wait for “Starsux Jones IV: Revenge of the Smirkazoids.”

ED CRANKSHAFT, WON’T YOU PLEASE COME HOME!?

“Why do you like pretending you’re Starbuck JONES!!! which is how we spell it now I guess?” "Well, my 75 year old wife is now 12! Talk quicker, as she’ll be a blastocyst soon!"

So after many years of giving us an unimaginative, shallow take on obsolete space operas, Batiuk now criticizes the entertainment industry for giving us unimaginative, shallow takes on obsolete space operas. Ah, Mr. Batiuk, truly are you the legendary humorist needed by our times!

Eh it look like cheap rip off of Flash Gordon.

Notice he did not say character development.

Again, Cindy, the woman next to Mason, is supposed to be at least 70.

Keep on Brashin’

A seventy-year-old pregnant woman, no less.

But what about CLIMATE DAMAGE?

“I taught Captain Kirk everything he knows!”

Haha…..good one p!ss jar!… smirk

Any reason why she can’t be 70 and still attractive?

i hope the grungey boys come to town and smash up the theater

My kingdom for a rotten tomato to throw at Masone. These aren’t dad jokes. These are BAD jokes.

We could be seeing something interesting about the movie premiere, but instead we’re stuck witnessing Masone bomb at open mike night at the improv.

Cindye continues to stand there with a gormless grin. The lobotomy was a complete success.

Batty calls it “writing.” I call it a waste of bandwidth.

WHERE’S CRANKSHAFT?!!

LET’S GET IT OVER WITH! PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY! WHERE’S DINKLE?!

Shouldn’t he be arriving on a parade float while sitting upon a gilded throne? Resplendent in his generalissimo band director uniform? Displaying his most obnoxious fat-faced jack-o-lantern grin?

WHERE’S CRANKSHAFT?!!

YEP — THERE IT IS IN PANEL 2, TODAY’S REMINDER THAT THIS IS ABOUT “STARBUCK JONES III: THE RISE OF THE BANDELOREANS”! TUNE IN TOMORROW, WHEN WE’LL NEED TO BE REMINDED YET AGAIN THAT THIS IS ABOUT “STARBUCK JONES III: THE RISE OF THE BANDELOREANS”!

I need a new airplane and Calista might be skinny, but she eats like a horse.

Mason believes he has a chance to break Rocky and Mission Impossible franchise record following their lead in changing names and places, but keeping the same thin plot.

I am getting ready to delete Crankshaft.

Say what you said yesteday, Mason. “It’s all about the Benjamins!”

I want Cranckshaft back!

“What is it about the Starsuck Jones character that keeps you coming back to portray him?” (said no interviewer ever; sheesh, when will Batty start writing recognizable human English lines?)

“The money, of course. By the time we finish Starsuck Jones XLIX I might have made enough to pay off the loans I took out making Dead St. Lisa’s Story: the (not very) Moving Picture! Even Joe Biden won’t forgive those debts!”

Hey,Harrison Ford played Indiana Jones in his 70’s—-it didn’t quite go over