Crankshaft by Tom Batiuk and Dan Davis for September 11, 2024

“Mr. Moore? I prayed for guidance and the Lord forwarded my call to you. Can you help me atone for my sins?”

It’s called “I don’t know how to write.”

I wonder who Lillian is going to call? Better not reveal until today!

I wonder what Lillian wants to discuss? Better not reveal until tomorrow!

Wasn’t this storyline about banned books at some point? Isn’t there a bookstore that’s a pile of burnt rubble close to where Les lives? Isn’t Les the reason why the bookstore was burned down? Is Les really just sitting there with nothing to do in the aftermath of his actions? Really?

“Huh, Booksmellers is destroyed… because of what I did. Weird. Well, whatever, I wonder what episode of NCIS is repeating tonight…”

So, last week Skip Bittman told Lillian that some Westview parents were upset the bookstore was supplying their kids with copies of a tome that the school board had banned (which, by the by, it hadn’t; it was just on the “not approved for class” list). How does she know now which school was involved and which teacher was behind the book ban end run? And why does Batiuk feel the need to explain who Lillian is, since we faithful readers have had nothing but Ms. McKenzie shoved into our faces for the past six days (as opposed to, say, a certain baseball-capped bus driver)? To paraphrase the Bard in his Scottish play, “I am in ineptitude stepped in so far, that, should I wade no more, returning were as tedious as go o’er.”

Oh great, more unneeded exposition and awkward setups for things we already know.

This was a common trope in lots of stories when I was a lot younger?

“Hello Les! It’s Lil. How’s Dead Lisa?”

About the only thing missing now to make this fully Funky Winkerbean would be a trip to the Atomik Comix office. But I’m sure that’s coming.

By the time Les is done explaining who is calling, call rolled to vm

What, and not disperse at least two conspiracy rumors before checking?

She wants him to send Crankshaft a message…….at lest we would see his name!!!!

P 4: (Les pushes the button to silence the ringer and sets the phone down) “…whatever…I don’t feel like talking to that withered old spinster…”

oh its lilian at least its not that old guy from the park bench

Les, this is Lillian. Would you mind doing a book signing at my store so no one will come within a hundred miles of it?

Only way to find out…..

It’s called calling!

LOOKS like a really quiet evening at home, filled with passion

Ask her where Crankshaft is!

She might have seen him, you don’t know!

That Vance guy is burning every copy of his OWN book, and preparing to go where no one will ever find him. He knew he was cuckoo, but he didn’t know he was THAT cuckoo

She wants to know where Crankshaft is?

From today’s Comics Curmudgeon:

I’m delighted by Cayla’s puzzled look in panel one: “Somebody wants to talk to Les? Why?” But I’m deeply disturbed by the invasion of Crankshaft by Funky Winkerbean characters, locations, and themes, the way a parasitic snail consumes its host from within. I mean, if you’re going to end your comic strip why not, y’know, just end it?

I can’t think of a reason for this Crankshaft takeover unless … unless … (in a whisper that seemed to swell menacingly like the first whisper of a rising wind) the intent all along was to terminate Crankshaft and keep Funky going.

Okay, I’m going to be honest, here…I gave this a “like,” because that’s Cayla’s best line in many years.

The last week of the initial run of Wunky Finkerbean talks about this. December 2022.

Who are these people?

“Why is Lillian McKenzie, proprietor of The Village Booksmith in our neighboring community of Centerville, calling me, Les Moore, author of the ’Lisa’s Story’ books and local high school teacher? I wonder what she wants Cayla, wife of me, Les Moore?”

Calling Less was the right thing to do? The fool who started this mess? Lillian wouldn’t know the “right thing” to do if it bit her on the backside.

If The old buzzard was concerned about doing the right thing she would have confessed to stealing Eugene’s proposal letter when he crashed her class reunion to congratulate her on her new book several years ago. Eugene even created an opening by suggesting she write a book about Lucy. Lillian just stood there like a stuttering fool. Looooooooser!

Less: “Hello, Best Actress Award Winner Les Moore. Lillian! What brings?”

Lillian: “Les Moore? Oh, I’m sorry. I dialed the wrong number.” (hangs up)

Wait a minute! Lillian is calling Best Actress Award Winner Les on the phone? Why isn’t she going over to his house in person? Isn’t that the Batiukverse norm? When did this telephone business start?

For example, Skipping Stone went over to Lillian’s bookstore late in the evening when a phone call would have sufficed. Mason Jarre flies across the country all the time to conduct business that could have easily been done over the phone.

Lillian’s Batiukmobile must be in the shop.

It might be nice to discover how the cartoonist feels about his latest flailing attempt at award relevance. To give his readers some insight as to what is going on, etc.

— There are no current blogs on tombatiuk dot com discussing The Burnings®. There are two blogs about the Winnipeg Blue Bombers story arc that will allegedly happen sometime next year. His latest blogs cover an old John Darling strip, and a two-word blog about an old comic book cover Batiuk thinks is “Ancient cool.” Performing a whole site search on the words “The Burnings” results in No Results Found. The page you requested could not be found. Try refining your search, or use the navigation above to locate the post.

— His Facebook page’s primary function seems to be to provide a link to the current day’s Crankshaft strip. There are no comments accompanying the links. Breaking up the monotony is a nice post about his climb up Mount Kilimanjaro with his wife, Cathy. How many years ago did that take place?

— The cartoonist created a YouTube channel three months ago. The channel has been dormant since he posted the first two videos. Those two videos were present the day he announced the channel. The videos are publicizing the release of The Complete Funky Winkerbean Volume 13.

— His Twitter account has been dead since the final month of Funky Winkerbean back in 2022.

That’s four channels of social media where Batiuk is not discussing The Burnings®. Wow, talk about running your prestige arc on cruise control. Even Tom Batiuk has lost interest.

Not my first choice, but hey.

I guess I’m the only reader of ‘Crankshaft’ who never read Funky Winkerbean. I don’t know who any of these characters are, and I’m not really that interested in finding out, except for one. Who is ‘Dead Lisa’, and why is she dead?