Crankshaft by Tom Batiuk and Dan Davis for September 17, 2024

It’s a tragedy in the making: the firefighters will arrive in time to save that sign.

Yes, but will they save Cranky?

Unfortunately, the fire engine is on its way to put out one of Ed’s BBQ conflagrations, and it’s on the opposite side of the house from Lillian’s garage/bookstore.

EEK!

for once living next to Crankshaft pas off. Rapid Response

Them hater arsonists is really hates the first few steps. They is hates that the first few steps is always difficult. All that troubles they is tooks just to burns a few steps.

Obveeously the mysterious arson culprit here is Kung Fu Panda. Everyone is knows how he hate stairs because they is his old enemy.

The emergency Pulitzer crew is on the way.

Ignorant people always want to stop those who are willing to learn

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Oh, no! Wally Winkerbean, Adeela, and Buddy the Dog.

DON’T PANIC!!!

Talk about dragging out a story…we saw panel one yesterday, and panel two is a fire truck, and since this is obviously arson, shouldn’t the police be coming too? This is a lousy arsonist, who only set the stairs on fire.

Couldn’t have Les just sent out Ebooks instead? Les not the brightest

In tomorrow’s comic, Batty mentions one of our regular esteemed commenters by name when the firemen arrive, step out of the firetruck and ask, “Where’s Crankshaft?”.

Install security cameras with motion detectors.

With gasoline splashed around like that, the fire would be much, much bigger by the time the fire department got there.

Don’t worry, she fireproofed the shop as protection from Crankshaft’s grill.

Good. She needs to update to ADA-compliant access to the bookstore anyway.

I think the twins did it. One twin is always evil.

GAH!! Are they really willing to commit murder just because they don’t like a couple of lousy books?!

I think Crank is driving this time…………volunteer!!!!

Given how most of the fire seems to be on the grass and not the building, I’m gonna say this isn’t arson at all, but a “prairie landscaping” project gone very, very wrong. It’s what Lilliopsaurus gets for hiring Ed to manage a “controlled burn.”

This was the work of a considerate arsonist. They didn’t want to kill anyone so they decided just to take out the bottom stairs. Can’t get to the bookstore without stairs!

Beavis: “… yeah, yeah…. FIRE, FIRE…”

can you bring one of those firehouse subs with you too and dont try to fool me with subway hold the hot peppers

The irony is, not one of his students was planning on reading that book anyway.

I am the light that warms up your body

And sets free the demons inside

I am the one that never ignores you

That never will LET YOU DOWN!

THEY’LL SUSPECT!

BUT THEY’LL NEVER PROVE

THAT I WAS THERE!

IN MY FATE

I FEEL THE WRATH

OF ADRENALINE!

IT’S TOO HARD (I am the light)

TO RUN AWAY WHEN I WATCH YOU STAY! (that warms up your body, that sets free the demons inside)

TO WATCH IT BURN! WATCH IT CHURN! (I am the one, that never ignores you)

INTO DUST! (That never will let you down)

(bridge and ending of I Am The Arsonist by Silverstein)

“I am the god of bookstore fires, and I bring you…”

Cranky does not barbecue at night…….sheeesh!

cue the dark ambient music with discordant overtones which, although broadly tonal, is inflected with chromatic and polytonal passages representing the archetypal example of a florid, melodramatic style without being interpreted as an overly heavy-handed metaphor within the context of the thematic material a bit on the frenetic and frantic side with interesting rhythmic devices which seem to counterpoint the surrealism of the underlying metaphor utilizing a novel imaging technique known as positron emission tomography and the spontaneous nondenominational conceptions by expansively recontextualizing liminal narratives of colonic hydrotherapy with a twinge of giddiness and bilateral gynandromorph

We ALL know who is starting the bookstore fires. Those who do not want you knowing the truth.

And in the real-world Ohio, we are now up to 33 bomb threats called in to schools and city agencies. These domestic terrorists are being instigated by a completely fictitious racist claim promoted by the junior senator from Ohio (who’s also running for vice president) and his con-man boss. Even though refuted by the city officials and the state’s Governor, these losers continue to spread lies that result in violent threats to LEGAL immigrants and are a drain on the resources that serve all citizens.

If Batty is going for “outrageous,” he’s gonna need to try harder.

Batiuk must have really missed killing off his characters in gruesome deaths over in Funky land.

If Batiuk ever reveals who set the fires, we’ll find out: 1) One of Les’s students snitched to their family, and a psycho sibling did it or 2) Timemop, the Rather Elegant Solution, did it to make it agree with history.

That should wake the neighbors up.

The only way the lawn’s gonna burn like we see in panel one is if Lizard Lil had the grass replaced with Astroturf™.

Wait… didn’t Ed do that a few years back?

With a standing mailbox, not Ed’s route.