Close to Home by John McPherson for November 05, 2024

How Evel Knievel was born??

That’s one way to have a bouncing baby boy.

  Eject, Eject!

I think I would rather eat a ghost pepper.

Cod liver oil….

Hot shower.

Walk, walk, and walk some more. Worked for me- 9 lb 11 oz baby boy, completely natural birth.

I made the mistake of going to the hospital way to early during my first. I woke up at 3:40 in the morning in labor. I took a shower and “prepped” myself. I was having major hormonal issues and didn’t want anyone to see me down there. I am aware of how illogical that is. I was a go-go dancer the year prior. It wasn’t like people hadn’t already see everything. Everyone told me that when the pain hit, I wouldn’t care about any of that. Anyway, I decided I would shave myself. I was unaware that they no longer did these things to women. My “What to Expect” book was the first edition. So many things had changed. So, my husband wakes up to see me in the living room with a mirror trying to reach *ahem things. My husband went to PT, and he told the unit what was happening. While he was gone, I put on full makeup. Did I mention this was my first?! LOL He came back to our apartment. He happened to have an appointment that day with podiatry. That clinic was in the basement. I can’t recall what floor labor and delivery was on, but I want to say it was the fourth one. The doctor checked me. Since I had only been in labor for 5 hours I was no where near having to push anything. They sent me walking the halls. I went downstairs to see what was happening with my husband. He was in with the doctor. I talked to the nurses for a while and had 2 contractions. They were terrified I was going to drop right there! I would up needing to have my water ruptured. I was only in labor for 13 hours over all.

With my second we were stateside. I had been on bedrest for most of the pregnancy. I had to have ultrasounds every week. This time I did NOT do makeup. My mom took my daughter and me to TCBY. The line there was always ridiculous. I had several contractions while we were waiting. Mom kept telling everyone I was in labor. The worried looks were hilarious. The women who knew the drill were great. The second child is supposed to be faster. Not only was I in labor longer, but my daughter was actually late! I did not go to the hospital until early the next morning. I was there for less than 3 hours when I gave birth. No makeup this time. Also, no stirrups. They didn’t get them out in time, so I had a nurse holding one leg and my husband holding the other. I didn’t have pain meds with either pregnancy. My mom had a saddle block with me, but the idea of someone sticking a needle in my spine scared the crap out of me.

Using a trampoline to induce labor, definitely has it ups and downs!

This must be a new nurse. Trampolines are in the hospitals for doctors and nurses to ‘spring into action’ when there’s a code pink.

Uhm, where’s a catcher when you need one?

Bleeb! Buddy!! So far you are having a very interesting week!

“Remember, if you let gravity work for you, you will no longer be gravid!” (look it up, kids)

In Texas, they took away the trampoline. Told them to go wait in the car.

She needs to be “nice and high” to be doing that!

Holy crap…….

That baby will shoot out like a bullet!!!

Hope she’s not a grand multip.

It makes sense to me. I played racquetball into my 8th month and bowled the night I went into labor. I bowled a 200 game that night. I had an unplanned c-section but was up and walking the halls a few hours later, dragging the IV pole behind me. I decided once was adequate for me.

I’ve heard jokes about car rides over railroad crossings for the purpose.

Whenever she’s up, she’s ready to drop.

OK, get nice an high then land on the floor, may be the sudden stop will make it slip out.

P.T. Barnum Baby.

What? No one is spotting her?

(I almost broke my back in high school on a trampoline).

Don’t hit the ceiling like the person in today’s Wumo, who did it with a pogo stick.

I would think a pitocin pizza would be more effective.

I guess she doesn’t know, in March you’re supposed to Spring forward. It’s November when you Fall back. She’ll find out soon enough though…

No castor oil?

More fun than poorly maintained level crossings

She’ll break more than her water if she isn’t careful…