Drabble by Kevin Fagan for December 31, 2024

Smart and inexpensive. Gets the job done

He’ll never fit.

Don’t tempt her.

My GF says she wants to be trash-compacted first, then left out by the curb, but I’m pretty sure that’s illegal in this state.

Why wait?

Do not recycle.

I want to be cremated. My ashes I want placed into a cylindrical urn, with a Campbell’s label on it.

Oddly enough, I burn our tree…

She’s already got a hole dug in the back garden.

Ain’t a trashcan big enough……

If you had an artificial tree, Ralph, you could tuck it safely away and bring it back to life every year, and be environmentally responsible, too!

We have a city tree recycling service with a chipper in the public parks. Would that work for you?

A Happy, healthy and safe New Year to all.

Compost for the Happy New Year!!

Don’t worry. She will.

you want to be tossed in the trash by a saluter? :\

Where we are, that wouldn’t work, either for the tree or for Ralph. If you want the regular trash handling service to dispose of something in a trash can, you have to bag it first. As for Christmas trees, the city handles that separately: you just strip it of all ornaments and put it by the curb, and the department that picks up yard waste takes it away.

I want a Viking Funeral, I told my brother by a cheap wood rowboat and light me on fire

I want to rot where I drop.

unfortunately the law won’t let ya… gotta pay the undertaker… sorry… (at least cremation’s a cheaper option!)

Why are they taking down the decorations already? It isn’t even New Year’s, let alone Epiphany.

My grandfather used to joke about “when I go, just put me in a Hefty bag on the curb”. When I get a bit older, I’ll probably start repeating it. But my wife doesn’t think it’s funny.

You have to go in the compost bin.

Why wait? Put him in the trash can now! Ha!

I’ve said this so many times. Put me in a Hefty bag and drag me to the curb!

I’ll salute you Ralph, but that’s where I draw the line

Send me to glory in a Glad bag

Don’t waste a fancy coffin on my bones

Just put me out on the curb next Tuesday

Let the sanitation local bear me home

Noooooo! Get composted instead, just like the tree should be except without the chipper shredder. Recompose.life

I want to donate my body to science, not organ donation though because I dont own one

Research For Life will come get my body.

Good luck getting people to life you. You need a moving company of 4 to haul your pudgy butt!

You couldn’t ask for more, just make sure it’s a garbage day.

Human composting is the “new” way to go. Supposedly better than cremation or burial.

When my husband and I paid for our cremations about 8 yrs ago, I told my friend (who is getting everything) that we did not buy urns. If my husband is already gone, and the funeral guy hands her the bag of my ashes, just drop it into the trashcan by the door.

Around here you do not put trees in the trash. You put it at the curb and the city comes by with the chipper to turn it into mulch.