That is Priceless by Steve Melcher for January 08, 2025

/// For this portrait the Colonel will pose

in his manliest armor. He chose

tight black leather and steel.

Underneath, for the feel

next to flesh, silken undies with bows.

Things you can do with duct tape: Number 86

Why is he wearing a bib over his armor? Does the clientele get a little crazy down at the barbecue joint on half-price Thursdays?

Be honest – does this armor make my hips look big?

He has reached his physical peak/

Yet he hides his heroic physique/

And its manly appeal/

‘Neath a garment of steel/

And his elbows and shoulders creak..///

His garment is quality metal/

Produced by a smith in the shtetl/

It’s the latest design/

In an old, honored line/

Hammered out of a melted down kettle..///

Let it never be said he’s a rube:/

(He can even do Rubik’s Cube !)/

And he no longer creaks/

Because in recent weeks/

He has purchased a Jiffy Lube !

(masterpiece WD-40)

Prell shampoo for that luxurious full body!

“Oh, waff, wiw you? I wiw kiw you! I wiw kiw you a miwyon times!”

“Are my seams straight?”

“Alright, the joke’s over! Which one of you guys pinched my lino?”

En DAT’s why they call it the blues!

“I brought my favorite stick. Make sure this one gets into ‘Great Moments in Phallic Portraiture’.”

“Uh… yeah, sure. Right. Will do.”

Mr. Johnson’s latest failed attempt to look intimidating to his second grade class.

She looks good in black leathers. Why not me?

“The humidity in here is so high, I’m sweating so much my shoes are overflowing and my hair is a frizzy mess.”

Ironman 1660

He got his leather jacket so John was sure he was in with the Hell’s Angels now!

Get your stick, Percy. We are going out!

I just did a Google Lens search on this image, and while it did come up with the right painting, it’s amazing how many paintings there are out there in this style of guys in black armor, with a vista in the background, and holding something in their left hand.

All the people say, He dresses this way, With armor of black, He’s really a lumberjack. And he’s okay.

Whoever told Jan that he’d look butch in that outfit, lied! ( And he’s still a bítch! )

“I’m the king of the castle…and you’re a dirty rascal!”

!@#^^ armorer, got the chastity belt I ordered for my wife 180 degrees wrong!

Give that dude a redneck haircut & he’d look like Dale Earnhardt.

A pocket for the WD-40 and/or 3 in 1 oil?

Johan van Beaumont. Colonel in the Holland guards and commander of Den Briel: 

Paste (including the quote marks) 

"Category:Male portrait paintings by Johannes Mijtens" Wikimedia 

(syntax supported by the Google, Bing, Yahoo, and DuckDuckGo search engines) in the browser address bar (or search for it using one of those search engines) and choose the first Category: found, and once there find the text string SK-A-746, and click its link for info and links that point to more info about this painting. 

Again, a larger strip image is shown by (Ctrl- or right-) clicking the image in Mr. Melcher’s MASTERPIECE #3440 (January 8, 2025) blog entry, accessible by the Check out the blog! box after the last comment, and using the dropdown menu (even larger if you crop what’s after .png from the URL). I’ll be adding a comment there pointing to the info about this artist I used to point to here. So far, first work by him used here.

His face says, “I am DONE with posing for your stupid painting in this outfit! TAKE A PHOTO already!”

“I know, I know … this was designed for someone with bigger junk than me, and it only exaggerates my failings.”

“Johan van Beaumont, Colonel of Dutch Guards and Commander of Den Briel”

Wow! That Gary Oldman really is a versatile actor! :)

“They wouldn’t dare stab a man wearing frilly lace.”

“Im feeling a little exposed in the front”

“It takes a half-hour to get out of this when I need to go to the bathroom…Never mind.”

Charles Bronson reprising his role from The Count of Monte Cristo. Totally tanked in Broadway..

“No! Wait! Don’t tug on my tie. It’s the only think keeping my Armour from falling apart!”