Crankshaft by Tom Batiuk and Dan Davis for January 30, 2025

This is Tom, telling us what he’s proud of the most. “I robbed candy stores to inflate my numbers! And then LIED! You think a hack like me got here by TALENT?!” Followed by a staring contest between Skip the Blobfish vs Batton the Goblin Shark.

“I went broke doing it, and I’m still paying off my creditors, but it was worth it!”

“And the newspapers I didn’t buy, I autographed! But then the paper got a restraining order because they couldn’t give away those defaced papers!”

This is sure gonna make a riveting newspaper interview. Not that riveting is something you’d expect from this paper of course…

Anyone else get the “new” comic alert email yesterday? Here’s what it said: “GoComics is now home to the entire 50-year archive of “Funky Winkerbean.” This legendary comic, by creator Tom Batiuk, follows a loveable and relatable cast of characters from their gag-filled junior high years through the peaks and valleys of adulthood.”

How does one extra paper being bought register as a “bump” in sales… unless the total volume of papers being sold is less than 10?

So he was buy all the papers himself to boosting sales on the day his komix appear eh. And now he confessing it too. What a komix scam!

I like reading this comic. And I do it each and every day.

“I wasn’t smart enough to understand how printing presses work” is a weird flex.

Because, as everyone knows, often every copy of the same newspaper has different material in it.

did skippy have a energy drink hows he keeping his face from falling in the paper as this bore talks

Will they eat the last two pieces of pizza?

No I did not……no news is good news……

Your first published work is always worth framing—-been a ‘stringer’ in sports off and on for years.

And Crankshaft is currently training to fight George Foreman on Cable

P 4 (boring cartoonist guy): “…hey Skippy!…pass me the salt would ya’….oh, uh, sorry…never mind…I’ll just get it myself…”

When will ole Crank arrive on the scene????

Didn’t get it, but saw Funky and starting to watch again.

The only way the second panel, in which Batteringram has to check every store to make sure every copy of The Paper includes his “Rapping Around” strip, makes any sense is if the “Teen Tuesday” thing is a separate page, like an advertising insert. Makes me wonder if Batteringram’s “contract” requires he pay for printing these things and inserting them into the papers.

zzzzzzz…..zzzzzzz…..zzzzzzzz……zzzzzzz…..

So he thinks the printing press just skipped his comic in a bunch of papers?

Actually, it just gave him the opportunity to tell each news stand vendor, “Hey! I have a comic in here.”

Not my comic at all.

Not sure which of them is more pathetic for thinking his is an interesting story.

Hi, Chris. Nice haircut.

I had to. So many people asked me if I was the spouse of a totally different person unknown to you, Mr. bwoeh. Now they only ask me if I am bwoeh. Go figure. Fame and it’s consequences.

Who’s Captain Ez, anyway?

You know what this story arc reminds of? The monotonous summer vacation essay reading in Cheech & Chong’s Sister Mary Elephant:

The first day of my vacation, what I did on my summer vacation, the first day on my vacation, I woke up. Then, I went downtown to look for a job. Then I hung out in front of the drugstore.

The second day of my summer vacation, I woke up, then I went downtown to look for a job. Then I hung out in front of the drugstore.

The third day of my summer vacation, I woke up. Then I went downtown to look for a job. Then I got a job, keeping people from hanging out in front of the drugstore.

The fourth day on my…

SHUDD UP!!!

I think we’re going to be reading this egocentric story arc for a while. Anybody else want to take a stab at writing the lyrics to of The 12 Days of Batton Thomas to the music of The 12 Days of Christmas?

On the first Day of Batton, Tom Batiuk gave to him, A rowdy local school classroom

On the second day of Batton, Tom Batiuk gave to him, Two sketch drawings, And a rowdy local school classroom

On the third day of Batton, Tom Batiuk gave to him, Three sideways panels, Two sketch drawings, And rowdy local school classroom

On the third day of Batton, Tom Batiuk gave to him, Four purchased papers, Three sideways panels, Two sketch drawings, And rowdy local school classroom

Several years ago in ‘Funky Winkerbean’, didn’t Funky buy as many issues of a Pizza-themed magazine as he could? Because Montoni’s was featured and/or garnered a favorable review? In today’s flashback, Batton Thomas buys all the local newspapers featuring his first strip to glorify his ego.

Batiukverse Citizen: “Say, does anybody remember seeing the first ‘Rapping Around’ comic strip ever? No? Word is, some jerk bought up all the copies of the local newspapers.”

I’ve never witnessed or even heard about behavior like this from everybody else. I’m willing to bet Batiuk has done this. He’s writing from experience.