Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for June 23, 2022

I write Goodly, usually to Harold Goodly of Tupelo, Mississippi.

Their grammar is quite lame; she can’t even sit up.

It’s simply simple.

I just answered a similar question of Quora. The person wanted to know if he could write “fictional novels.” I said it’s a novel so no.

Yoda Jedi became when writing career belly up.

Stephan is a professional writer, so . . .

Sounds like some of the "English speakers I deal with daily. :P :P :P

Pig, much to learn, you still have.

~ Professor Yoda.

I bet i writes gooder.

i’m not as think as you dumb I am!

He do be a bester righter.

It takes two things. No, make that three things:

1: You have to need to write, long and often. You think that skipping meals or sleep because you’re writing is normal.

2: You have to have something to say that other people might want to read.

3: You have to persevere LONG past the point where a sane person would try some other career.

The grammar, style, spelling: Important, but you’ll get them because YOU need them to do what you must.

Allright then

He’s got it!

This be goodly cartoon!

Same, same but different.

Who doesn’t dream of becoming a successful writer. An easy life, money, adoring fans…maybe this is why the internet is clogged with bad written novels.

Colloquial isams, I guess!

Are the Crocs their ghost writers?!

I does; therefore I is.

I wrote a novel once, but a space laser burned the only copy I had.

You’ve got to ask yourself one question. Do I feel lucky? Well, do you pig?

I presidented goodly last time so I gonna president goodly again in two more years.

(Writed with goodly alas, uh, ailas, asail ……… fake name)

Wow, what a great system! I wish I had thought of it first

I write gooder than any body. Im the bestest.

Is goodly even a word??

Ah Pig—now ya kin writes goodly stuffs on Facebook.

Grammar Nazis across the globe are all apoplectic right now.

Always remember the five “W’s”

WHAT WHEN WHERE WHY WHO

Graduates of all of todays journalism schools write goodly.

Publishing would be a great line of work if it weren’t for the authors we have to deal with.

I blame my mother for my need to write. When I was very young and could not fall asleep, she would say “lie quietly and tell yourself a story”. By the time I was in my teens I was spinning lovely multi-chapter romances. And then one day in my twenties, I decided a story I was telling myself should be written down. And the rest, as they say, is………an addiction.

No, Rat, just no.

Sounds like a lot of posts.

“Thank you, Dr. Dunning.”

“So pleased to be able to help, Dr. Kruger.”

If you can’t write something everyone wants to read, code it into an app for everybody’s phone.

My inner Grammar Nazi wants to scream right now.

One can talk like those characters and still write a best seller. See “The Art of the Deal.”

If you can wallpaper your room with form letter rejection slips,call Chipotle.

Of course, if you wish to write a comic strip, you can pretty much phone it in.

I often think I could be a great writer if I only had something worth saying.

We have met the writer and he is us

LMAO

Just don’t use autocorrect. It could be your worst enema.

Ask yourself one question: Do I drink a lot of alcohol on a daily basis?

I write bigly after I’ve had my morning covfefe.

I think he do gots it!

See? It’s simple, Pig. Like you.

Thanks, Rat. He needed that….

No, no, Rat, that’s what you ask if you want to be a professional CARTOONIST.What? Ability to draw? HA HA HA! Oh yes, you’re a natural.

Or as I always say … Me know how write good.

I’ve written for fun for years, though fitting it into my schedule is tough. However, I’m determined to persevere and not give up.

And as one of my former students often said … You need to write more gooder.

I ARE a college graduate, aren’t I?