Gil Thorp by Henry Barajas and Rachel Merrill for May 09, 2020

The bill of rights was nice while it lasted. Come this fall, it will be district policy (and not our call) to suspend for not wearing a face mask.

Hrm. Two weeks’ suspension in the toughest district in the land. That’s two games.

P2: They won’t suspend him for the banana slices in orange juice because that’s its own punishment.

No, you’re going to be suspended for flirting with Phoebe in English class by staging a breakfast show-and-tell to try to impress her. When word gets back to her, she’ll view you as a romantic bad boy and will be powerless to your charms. So in your own clunky way, you’ve actually achieved your goal.

P1, In other words, you’re screwed Mr. Mayor.

P2, Or for any of your other Breakfasts Of Champions.

P3, Enough for us to secure second place in The Valley.

Of course, the idiot teacher had to run an report the butter knife, knowing full well that this would be the case.

Don’t worry son. It will definitely be fewer than the all the rest of the players in America since the quarantine has been place.

You let one kid bring a butterknife, another brings a spoon. It’s a slippery slope to forks, then anarchy. Next you’ll have gladiator practice in the gymnasium. The mayor with a steak knife vs. BKB and a carving fork.

Think of it in terms of seasons, son.

You’re going to Ju-vee

Not just a bagel, a sesame bagel! You deserve the full punishment of the law!

P 2.5: “… no son…..you are being suspended because no one really likes you…”

Dr. Pearl has no authority, procuring this disciplinary matter to the Milford school district. A real puppet in the educational machine. GilPa has had success dealing with the school board. Remember those paper pushers tried to oust The Gilfather about 10 years ago to no avail. Is the district made up of Chet Ballard and his fluky woman side kick? I think Knappester has a chance to beat the rap if Gil throws his weight around.

I wonder if mike’s dad is as clueless as his mom. If she were half the mom she thinks she is, she would do a better job of getting him ready and fed before he left the house every day.

“It’s Not Our Call” sounds like buck passing, Dr. Pearl could recommend that leniency be applied.

No school district in the country would call a butter knife a weapon. This storyline is absurd. At the very least the knife ought to be a steak knife.

OT: RIP Little Richard.

Oh boy, another dramatic cliffhanger. We have to wait two days to find out if he’s out…2 weeks? 3 weeks? The whole season!?

I guess that’s not that long of a wait. After all, I’ve been waiting OVER A MONTH to find out what advice Mayor McCheese got from Kaz.

And speaking of waiting, if you’ve been waiting for today’s Mopped Up Thorp, wait no more, it’s online: https://moppedupthorp.wordpress.com/

When you have a “zero tolerance” policy, a knife is a knife.

Meanwhile , Mimi Thorp receives a Mothers Day Card which reads We hope u are not well and greatly suffering from the Coronavirus . With hate , your children ,in all reality .

“I don’t know how many games you’ll miss, Mike. How many games do we play, anyway? One or two a week? Does anyone know? How many weeks does the season run? Beats me. I show up for, what, maybe a third of them? A fourth? Sounds about right. So yeah, you’ll probably miss a bunch. Or just a few. Whatever. Say, have you got another bagel in your backpack? I don’t normally stay here at school this late in the afternoon, and I’m hungry! Can I borrow your knife?”

The Mayor’s Dad pulls out his iPad and shows Pearl the difference between a Utensil and a Weapon. Gil re-nicknames the Mayor his Utility Infielder. The good Dr. sends Gil, Mom, and the Mayor home and invites Dad to look up something other than words. While distracting the school administrator, good ol’ Dad palms the butter knife before leaving. Case dismissed for lack of evidence if not guilt (and I’m not counting the kid.)

Bamboo shoots under his finger nails and we will call it even.

Can I be the first to say that it’s ridiculous to suspend Mike for bringing a butter knife to school?

The last time I flew, which was around 2005, security looked at my keys and said I couldn’t take the nail clipper I had on there. I said to just throw it away, nut he said I had to take it to my car. I just went around the corner and threw it in the garbage. Then I went through security, and ito the store inside to look around. Yup. There they were selling nail clippers!

P3: Nice Linda Blair move by Mike

P 4: “… games…. uh… yeah…. uh … hmmmm…… uh yeah, like maybe 5?…. I’ll have to check on that…. boy…. that’s a tough one Mikey…..”

Just when I think GT can’t come up with stupider story lines…

Oh, and is coronovirus not a thing in Milford?