Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller for May 21, 2020

Standard procedure for palmists, soothsayers, fortune tellers, psychics, etc. is to throw out a dozen vague observations, then ignore all of them except the ones that KINDA came close and claim a brilliant success rate. And, century after century, suckers keep falling for it.

That witch!

And 50 more after that for what day you can actually get into the store after waiting in line. Oh and don’t forget your mask

Go to Costco and find someone who stocks the shelves. Offer him or her $10 if they will give a call when a new shipment of TP comes in on a truck. More sure and a lot cheaper than utilizing a soothsayer.

If she’s wrong and there is no toilet paper that day, those tarot cards will finally be useful.

Just don’t go to Costco and the bog roll problem is solved.

The Non Sequitur for yesterday is two ‘likes’ away from 500.

Instead of a ’crystal ball, the new normal for mediums will be a glass shield

Every time I go to Costco, they have plenty of their Kirkland brand TP, but no Charmin Ultra Soft, which is far better!

he can pay her in toilet paper squares – it’s the new currency

I was going to my local Kroger about midday and they were always out of toilet paper. So the other day I decided to try going first thing in the morning and, sure enough, they had some. Whew!

Dwarf fortune teller escapes from prison. Headline: Small medium at large. ( awaiting groans now)

She’s behind the times; Costco has had TP for a month or more.

So, if “Psychics” can predict the future, why haven’t they all won the lottery by now, or only invest in stocks that will go up?? Why do they work for tatty carnivals, and out of cheap storefronts??

Whenever a palm reader asks to read your palm, do it! Ask them if you’re going to murder another palm reader. Let the gasping spew of uhmmm’s and ahh’s begin.

It’s Tuesday. DON’T pass it on.

We were doing ok until the Minnesotan’s felt fine clogging the highways on Fridays and cleaning out the Wisconsin stores. Minnesotan’s, you can’t live with ‘em, you can’t stuff ’em in a sack.

I’ve heard that the reason there is no toilet paper is that people used to go to work to poop. I hardly ever took a dump at work or when out at a restaurant or at a gas station or rest stop. Hotels yes. Other public buildings hardly ever. I guess that makes me the odd man out.

I’ll simply believe what I am told about this without fact checking. There are too many other rumors out there to be able to track down the trivial ones.

I did the palm reader bit once. It was at a fair. I went in and put my $5 on the table. She was a nice looking woman. She took my hand and started the palm reading bit. Then all of a sudden she looked up at me in horror. She jumped back. She screamed at me to take my money and leave. She then ran out the back of the tent as fast as she could. That was years ago and I have never figured out what happened.

Have you seen some of the prices on amazon? Price of an item: $16.95. Shipping: $59.95. . .talk about price gouging. . .the guy’s not rich enough????

The new paranormal?

The toilet paper is back in the stores. Now, where is the beef?

PT Barnum was right

Masks are the new normal. I wonder what other changes we will inflict upon ourselves. Sort of like the ‘duck and cover’ of long ago.

With the mask covering her face, the sucker can’t see that she’s laughing her a$$ off at him.

You would think at least one of the psychics would have predicted the pandemic.

So now Drumpf is reading palms?The clown hair gave him away.Flush the Orange Turd in 2020.Maggot rally in Ypsilanti,Michigan today ;(

The good news is toilet paper just arrived. The bad news is that the manager is selling it out the back door for triple the price to avoid being arrested for price gouging.

They restock daily, you just have to get there early enough. Even limiting people to one package each, it’s usually gone by 10am. On rare occasion the shipment comes late.

Abraham Lincoln came back from the fortune teller beaming, “She said I am going to be president for life!”

Even I could see this one coming.

You’re future is hazy. Yeah, I know that I said that last time, but now I really mean it.

March of 2021 and we could still be this way.

Locally, the supermarkets and drug stores have some stocks of TP. It’s mostly off-brand, no doubt scratchy stuff, but if you were desperate it would be there. Occasionally I see name brands like Scott or Northern, but I still wouldn’t use them. I’m confident that by the time my supply is in danger, Charmin Ultra-soft will be available again.

I worked for a New Age publisher for a few years. After 9/11, they had one of their managers write a book “demonstrating” that astrology had predicted it. They made a profit on it. Shameless.

Didn’t Nancy R, Reagan followed the advices of Chrystal ball “Advisers”to help St. Ronnie run our country’s affairs ? (Asking for mi neighbors dog)

I went to my local supermarket and there was no toilet paper. I went to Wal-Mart and it was fully stocked.

And another $50.00 for the TP.

Laugh-In bit from the ’60’s man goes to fortune teller. she looks in ball and says “I see you meeting a woman she will give you bad advise and take your money.” Man pays her and leaves then fortune teller says “This thing is starting to work,”

I work in a grocery store and get asked that and what about flour and yeast a lot.