Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller for April 30, 2021

The difference between " I’d like " and " I’ll have "

He’s paying a lot of money from food he doesn’t like. He could have stayed home and defrosted frozen vegetables.

I’ll have what he’s not having.

Mask, smask. It’s all in the eyes.

If he has the same kind of digestive tract that I have, the bed sheets will flutter regardless.

Aw heck Phil, eat what you like. You only live once!

Nothing like having no testicular fortitude and caving in as so many subservient men do, just say “Yes Dear” or maybe just snivel it….the last time I actually hear a woman say “Yes, Dear” was….hmm, actually it isn’t funny,

I’m fully vaccinated but there’s one thing the vaccine hasn’t done for me.

Make me comfortable enough to go to a restaurant again. I’m waiting for everyone else to join the club.

Since I only eat at a restaurant a few times a year, I like to treat myself with food that they can make better than I can … and, since I am a very good cook, I tend to splurge (BBQ baby back ribs at my favorite BBQ place, half a dozen dishes at my favorite Chinese place, etc.). And I always take home big “doggy bags” full of goodies to feed me for the next 2-3 days! Of course, I’m single, so I don’t have anyone second-guessing my choices, which is nice.

Something tells me the glare comes from knowing the results from his last physical.

Phil needs to grow a pair, and tell his (cough) partner where she can shove it!

I’ll order whatever I want, half the fun is snatching glances of their looks of want and jealousy, mixed with disgust and little comments, before finally, capitulation and screwing up the courage to ask me for a taste. If Broccoli is so good for you why does steak taste so much better?

It’s all in her eyes.

Main settings: Guilt and Interrogation, Shooting Daggers and Lasers.

Rules for a happy marriage: 1. your wife is always correct; 2. refer to rule 1.

Screw the glare.

My father-in-law had a heart condition, diabetes and at one point, an ulcer. He told us that he was going to die from malnutrition since by the time you take out all the food that he was not “allowed” to eat, there was nothing left.

When he and my MiL moved into a new house, he drew a floor plan and sent it to us. In the kitchen he depicted the table and on it was two concentric circles. He annotated it with, “This is the donut, I’m not allowed to eat.”

My mother-in-law did have a good grip on the diet he was supposed to eat. He knew it was safe to eat something if she didn’t give him “the look.”

Got married in 1975. 46 years years and counting

I’m still of the opinion, as I don’t eat out all that much, that I order what I want because that is why I went out to eat in the first place. But that’s just me.

I don’t miss Cafe Yum. Small bowls of fodder for the price of a good burger.

She just wants you to have to put up with her for more years, because she loves you.

A divorce costs half of your retirement fund and lawyer fees.

Woe unto those who are capable of making their own decisions and reasonably when they do. There are many out there who believe that if there’s a tree that falls in the forest and they’re not there to hear it, that you’re still wrong – and unfortunately neither leaving those people stranded in the desert nor smackin’ ’em upside the head with a well earned dope slap is socially accepted. ’Tis more the pity.

She only does that because she loves you. At least that is what my wife tells me!

As one of the Gabor Sisters once observed, “A man is incomplete until he’s married. Then he’s finished…”

Well, a bleu cheese bacon burger, with fries, makes a healthy substitute.

Have the prime rib, nothing will make her happy, except chewing you out.

AMEN brother!!

They look like they have been married a long time… if so, there should have been better communication developed so as to not need shaming glares.

So their vaccinations are in order…>

No effin’ way am I ever eating quinoa again. Pure garbage.

I took care of my husband after he almost died from a heart attack 10 years ago. So I get some input about what he eats. His dietary habits affect me a lot.

What does his EKG look like?

It seems an old joke would be appropriate right about now…

SO … A mature woman is speaking to her friend "We always made love, every Sunday Morning, and when we were old, Morty would move with rhythm of the Church bell … ding, dong, ding, dong … sigh … he’d still be alive if that damn ice cream truck didn’t come along.’’

A long partnership. Eventually, each knows what the other will say/think before s/he has to say it.