Calvin and Hobbes by Bill Watterson for April 01, 2022

But the competition is fierce.

Don’t forget:

Whose baby is that?

What’s your angle?

I’ll buy that!

Almost as good as being a cartoonist…..

Good thing to do on April Fool’s Day.

Calvin would love commenting on Reddit.

as if the newspaper would hire a six-year-old

Can’t imagine why this gig hasn’t been filled yet

See Calvin, here’s the thing – while you do get to say that to people in advice columns, you need to phrase each one differently and couch the language in such a way that what you actually said isn’t noticed.

Can’t ague with that, they are a racket

Don’t forget the most important advice: You should definitely spoil your kids. After all, they’re going to pick your retirement home.

Don’t forget “Don’t be a doormat!”

Sounds like early Ann Landers and Dear Abby.

Yeah right, winging it like no tomorrow!!

Does the newspaper need a new advice columnist?

No, but I think it does.

Ah! A Causing Agony Aunt

Racket to the side of the head!

Keep this up Calvin, and a angry mob will attack you

Succinct, pithy, highly accurate. Usually muttered while composing a bland if/then reply to people who should know better. But never, ever included in the final draft.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b2ccC4aULow

One advice that I remember often when i was a young school boy was “Why don’t you go jump in a lake!” Confused to this day I can’t figure if that was meant as an insult, or, if you happened to grow up into Olympian swimmers such as Michael Phelps or Katie Ledecky, pleasant advice?

Don’t forget “Go S**t in Your Hat”. A personal favorite of The Count.

Can’t forget the classic “Turn it off. Then turn it on again. If that don’t fix it, buy a new one.”

It doesn’t cover everything, Hobbes. What if the complaint is legit?

You have no complaint

You are what your are and you ain’t what you ain’t

So listen up buster, and listen up good

Stop wishing for bad luck and knocking on wood

At first glance, one would think that insulting people would be somewhat… limited… as a career choice. Then again, when this was originally published, Don Rickles was still alive.

“Dump him.”

Abigail Van Buren was known to say “Kwitcherbellyaching” at times.

He was so far ahead of his time. Now we have the internet where that is standard behaviour.

Calvin is a future internet troll.

Calvin is Dr. Phil? LOL

The Jack Webb approach … I like it!

Well there you are. A perfect tik tok sort of thing. Pick a celebrity or cause and just say that to them while smiling and say “Bless your heart” when you’re done.

That will be the hortest employment ever.

@BE THIS GUY- HA!! The Fllintstones! I remember that.

As satire, that would probably work. Just don’t make jokes about Will Smith’s wife.

hes good

Calvin is ahead of his time!

sounds like right wing talk radio

Lovin’ that grin in panel 3. Happy AFD everyone!

His expression in the third panel is awesome.

“Diplomacy is telling someone to go to Hell in such a way that they ask for directions.” – Winston Churchill

Most people writing to advice columns have probably exhausted all other avenues of inquiry. So they write in wanting to hear one, and only one, thing; “Tell me I’m right and my Mother/Father/Son/Daughter/Friend/Relative/Neighbor/[insert as appropriate] is wrong!” Why they assume Abby, Anne, or Miss Manners knows any more about the problem with their Mother/Father/Son/Daughter/Friend/Relative/Neighbor/[insert as appropriate] always baffles me. 8>)

Advice columnist were the first consultants: Find a problem, offer a solution, then get out of town so that when the ‘solution’ fails you can’t be blamed. And with any luck be called back in to advise on the implementation failure.

There was a time in my late 20s when I dated a number of women who were 22-years-old. I don’t know why. I think that’s when a lot of young people are “running around loose”. Anyway, the one thing I learned from those experiences: many women like the sound of good advice. Just don’t expect it to affect their behavior or character.

It would be a way better racket for Calvin if he did it in this current era.

Now that’s just Twitter.

“Why are you asking me? I’m just a kid”

“Dear Abbey” ~ John Prine

Calvin would make a great insult comic!

Reminds me of an online article suggesting that movie critics get straight to the point with blunt, trite statements like “It sucks.” The author didn’t even think that would be enough to save the business, just keep it on life support. I think HE sucked.

Just Married, Just Married

You have no regrets

You are what you are and you ain’t what you ain’t

So listen up buster and listen up good

Stop wishing for bad luck and knokin’ on wood!

Signed, Dear Abby.

Calvin has solved all his problems — rightly or wrongly.

%99 of Ann Landers advise was to see a therapist, so I’m fine with Calvin’s advise.

Nowadays we have ‘social media’ to that all for us without even asking.

Calvin’s the “Dear Abby” of snark!

u allsuck