Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for August 20, 2022

It’s probably Neighbor Bob.

Sounds like good territory for a door-to-door door salesman.

They have an open door policy.

Now, go look for a homeless street vendor who is selling doors.

They didn’t steal the windows?!! What a relief!!!

Go to Liechtenstein, u can have doors and not lock ’dem.

maybe your next door neighbor took them…

A friend of mine once had the hood stolen off of his car.

Aren’t they in the same neighborhood?

And just over the city line, the pumps don’t work ’cause the vandals took the handles!

When I was growing up on the farm back in the ’60s and ’70s we never left locked our doors, even when we went away for the day.

A year ago I saw a policeman walking the road next door. I asked him what he was looking for. “Shell casings. Unfortunately they usually stay in the car.”

Exciting times……

I never should have moved in. My neighbor told me “don’t open your front door at night, whatever you do, don’t open it until morning.” I went out in the morning and my front door was gone. - Rodney Dangerfield

Can’t do anything about it because the people who stole the doors are a protected people.

We used to leave our door unlocked in the suburbs. And even my first apartment, which wasn’t in the suburbs. It’s fine, since nobody knows your door is unlocked. A burglar doesn’t walk around the neighborhood trying doors. He picks a house, assumes it’s locked, and busts in.

On a job in the Dominican Republic, we were advised to bring toilet paper from the hotel, as there was no chance of finding any in the government building where we worked. We soon discovered that we should have brought toilet seats as well.

The worst carlock i’ve ever had was a Ford (made in Cologne, btw.) about ‘80. Of course forgot the key in the ignition, asked some cops to lend me their VW-Key to use it, opened my car (it worked, always). The policemen asked me for my papers, it would be too emberassing for them if the car wasn’t mine ;)

Where I came from, if you went away for a while, they would steal your house – brick by brick!

Can’t have sh*t in detroit

I lock my doors even when I am home. A woman my daughter worked with had someone come in steal her purse and leave. I have had people go in my garage and steal my stuff. I don’t always lock my car, because it is so beat up likely no one believes it runs.

Goat mainly doesn’t want to live anywhere near Rat.

I remember putting the house key on the windowsill outside…or in the milk shute.

Now THAT’S a tough neighborhood….

You know your stuff isn’t very good when burglars feel sorry and bring you things.

Standard response to, ‘What are you looking at,’ in a biker bar: Not much.

I have heard that Tennessee is beautiful this time of year.

Gee how nice and safe them first worlds is.

As a kid, nobody bothered trying to break into our home when we were gone. We knew our neighbors and they were always watching and had plenty of guns and ammo.

Nowadays, there is no such place as a safe neighborhood. There may be some where there isn’t as much crime as other places, but no one is totally safe. 10 years ago, we moved to a place where crime was very low. In the past few years, the number of shootings and robberies have increased. The other day, a woman was robbed the the parking lot of a Walmart, and that’s the first time this has happened since we moved here.

My brother never locks his house. When he and his wife went away for a week, I brought his grandkids over with a bag of stick-on googly eyes. Heh, heh, heh.

How are you still alive, Rat? (A loaded question for sure.)

With-out doors living.

This reminds me – we haven’t seen Guard Duck in a long while.

We don’t even get trick-or-treaters.

It was actually his roommate Pig that removed the doors. He had trouble remembering the push/pull thing.

Folks who got plenty of plenty, keep the lock on the door. ‘Fraid somebody gonna come and take it while they’re outa makin’ more….what for ?…..I got plenty of nothin’, and nothin’s plenty for me…

Who’s routine is that from. Certainly not something Pastis came up with on his own. And I’m fairly certain I’ve heard the actgual routine. Before the ’80s, believe it was maybe before the ’70s too.

Welcome to America 2022!

And, the “Vandals took the handle” too

Don’t Rat and Pig have a house in the suburbs, in a pretty safe place? Maybe Rat also keeps an apartment in a tougher part of the city?