Crankshaft by Tom Batiuk and Dan Davis for October 30, 2024

Okay, don’t whine that today’s strip lies on its side like a limp and dying jellyfish. Turn it so the ape is on top. Now imagine that he has dysentery and think of what that means for the panel beneath him.

Stop monkeying around and get serious with the stories.

Go bananas, I always thought the punchline was ape.

Well, until a few seconds ago I thought “Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire” was going to be the big guy’s nadir for 2024. Clearly, I was wrong.

Are they just shouting out titles and for some reason we’re seeing cover pictures? This is NOT how “writing a ghost story featuring the Pizza [Box] Monster” works! Today’s isn’t even a ghost story! Go back to the angry mob at Lillian’s bookstore, please!

C’MON, PBM!! FIGHT STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE AND THE SMURFS NEXT!

’Twas stupidity killed the beast.

Not all of us have laptops we can easily turn.

No complaining… but 3 days in a row…???

AAAAAUGH! Look like me gonna need neck surgery now. OWWWW.

Brobdingnagian. Now there a word me not often sees. Me not even knews word until me pal General was says bout it some months ago.

If this keeps up all week, there won’t be any point in doing Halloween decorating because it’ll be over.

This is sad.

If Batty has to give us a “Pizza BM fights a monkey” cover, couldn’t it at least be Pizza BM vs Zanzibar the Talking Murder Chimp?

By the way, what became of the new title character, Pizza BM? He was here last week (when they were setting this week’s non-humor up), but has been conspicuously absent from the “real [sic]-world“ panels all week.

I’m betting the reason is that even a stack of used Montoni’s boxes has better taste than to be seen with this drivel.

Haha….good one Min-dull!…..smirk…

So this week is a string of limp “Pizza BM vs Famous Movie Monsters” komix book covers, accompanied by fawning comments about how clever they are.

Don’t dislocate your shoulder patting yourself on the back, Tom. Rotator cuff surgery is no fun at our age (DAHIK).

Prediction: tomorrow we’ll see “Pizza BM vs the Mummy” (who will look suspiciously like he’s wrapped in TP; appropriate if he’s been eating Montoni’s), Friday we’ll get “Pizza BM vs the Wolf Man” (appropriate since Tom’s been mooning us with this entire arc), and we’ll finish on Saturday with “Pizza BM vs the Invisible Man,” because Dan’s already done more actual drawing this week than his contract calls for in an entire year.

The dim, smoky pool hall pulsed with anger, a seething mass of faces twisted by fear and fury. At the center of it all stood Lying Mike, his voice a venomous whisper that rippled through the crowd, each lie sharper than the last, feeding the growing madness. He spoke of dark, forbidden rituals beneath Montoni’s Pizza, tales of baby’s blood drained to keep Hollywood’s elite forever young, of cats and dogs whisked away, transformed into pepperoni—abominations he swore were hiding in plain sight.

The crowd’s outrage grew louder. “They’re monsters!” someone hissed. “Burn them out!” another voice shouted. Lying Mike smirked, pleased with his work, feeling the fire he’d ignited take hold, spreading like a dark fever in their hearts.

But just as the crowd reached its breaking point, Sheriff Jack Smith appeared in the doorway, his figure silhouetted against the dim light, like the calm before a storm. With a measured gaze, he walked toward Mike, unflinching as the crowd turned their anger toward him. Sheriff Smith’s voice cut through the chaos, steady as stone. “Lying Mike, you’re under arrest.”

Mike sneered, trying to rally the crowd. “I’m just telling the truth! It’s my right—freedom of speech!” he protested, but his voice faltered as Sheriff Smith’s cold eyes bore into him. Mike had underestimated the law, not knowing that inciting a riot wasn’t protected speech. The handcuffs clicked into place, silencing him at last.

As Sheriff Smith led Mike out, the crowd began to swell, snarling with rage. But Smith turned to face them, his voice thunderous. “Settle down, or I’ll be dragging every last one of you to a cell tonight.”

The angry murmurs quieted, but the hate lingered, a beast barely contained. In the shadows, the evil politician watched, hidden from sight yet always present. He chuckled to himself, savoring the anger that Mike had sown. His minions may have fallen, but the seeds of fury had taken root. All he had to do was wait, to fan the flames.

I don’t like and will not read cartoon strip oriented this way.

Please, leave the corny joke for the Where’s Ed crowd.

“Let me through,Officer,I’m Carl Denham”

CARL DENHAM??That’s t he idiot who brought a giant,carniverous monster into the heart of a crowded city!! GET A ROPE!!

I thought the point of this was to tell scary stories, not just dumb premises for a comic?

does batty think we can all turn are necks like a owl ? theres gotta be some ambulance chaser in ohio who will take the case

So very boring…….

This will not, a Pew-litzer Prize deliver.

this arc needs to end- it’s bad

I am tired of this sideways stuff!!

Go back to normal. I miss the “normal” Crankshaft

The pizza monster and Crankshaft!!!!!

Tired of the sideways comics

Readers: “This ‘The Burnings’ storyline has to be the laziest and most inane thing Batiuk has ever done in Crankshaft”Batiuk: “Give it a week.”

Sorry, but I don’t read them when they are printed this way!

Stop it.