Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for October 27, 2021

At your nearest time portal delivery service at Einstein Express.

(Yeah, I ripped this off of an old SNL sketch)

Just pop it into your nearest Tardis.

Remember it now for later

Time for a new character — A worm who’s mouth is a worm hole.

If I could send a message to myself in the late 20th century it would be, “Buy as much Amazon stock as you can.”

Mine would have been: “Hang on for dear life!”

If I were able to send that note, I’d want to hand deliver it.

Use the Way Back Machine.

Diet Smith’s Time Drone!

Contact Skynet!

The answer is on page 27 of your Reincarnation for Dummies book.

Hey Pig, send yourself some winning Lotto numbers and stock tips so in a new time line you will not have to deal with Rat. You can also print out of sporting results so you can do a “Biff” from Back to The Future…..

to that kid that you never know you need.

Send it to Dr. Emmett Brown or to the Doctor.

Find some other kid who could use that advice now.

Send it to the Office of Disillusionment.

“Enjoy yourself — it’s later than you think!” might be a better message.

If only I could see tomorrow’s newspaper today.

Message to future self: ‘Told you’.

The Dead Letter Office?

the young me didn’t have the first clue so a letter like that would’ve been a wasted effort…

it works out horribly, mind you. but it works out.

Don’t sweat the small stuff. It’s all small stuff.

Give it to Rat to chew on overnight.

Take pic of it on your smartphone, and post it on social media

Just change the addressee to “Current me.”

Sent it to Pastis. He’ll make a comic out of it.

Pig shouldn’t lie to his young self.

Dear Young Me,…. You’re an idiot.

Yeah….everything does tend to work out in the end….but how?

Well you could borrow a time machine either from Calvin & Hobbes or from Danae’s friend Jeffrey in Non Sequitur.

If Pig wants to mail a letter to his younger self, then he should use the DeLorean from Back To The Future

In ancient Greek and Roman myth, false dreams like that are sent through the Gates of Ivory. (Truthful dreams pass through the Gates of Horn.)

I could tell you how, but then I’d have to send you back in time yourself.

Badly, but still, it works out…

Send it to the King, who’ll stamp it return to sender.

Yes it does. It’s called death……

Just hide it away for a while and open it years later.

To your future self, Pig. Or, maybe to my current self. I could use some optimistic words, buddy.

This would make sense if this comic had been drawn before the start of the ‘20s decade.

I think maybe Pig is my hero.

and the bugs crawl in andthe bugs crawl outthe worms play Pinochle on you snout…and Pig you’re doomed with your whopper of a snout. It’ll probably require its own, separate coffin. Dust to dust and ashes to ashes each and every body part ultimately mashes into Mama Earth.

Already WENT back in time to tell myself; “don’t worry kid, you’ll do just fine”.. never realizing I was s#itting myself then, just as I am NOW ! It wun’t pretty along the way and it don’t look no better up ahead…

Just consider it a note from your older self now.

Little help? What are the spots on Pig’s face?

To the mailbox of pipe dreams

The dead letter office. Young you REALLY doesn’t need to know.

In the ’40s Heinlein may have been the first to write a time travel story on this theme.

fickle fate

It’s already been published.

Alas, returned by the P.O., marked “undeliverable”….

toss it into the roundfile

No one gets out of here alive.

What does pig have all over himself?

its hard to do without pissing on the fabric of reality