Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for March 01, 2023

Remember to put the divider BEHIND your groceries at the supermarket checkout counter.

When you wave to people, use your whole hand, not just one finger.

Also, corral your grocery cart…

Walked any old folks across the street lately?

Heaven is overrated, Rat.

Hey, at least it’s a step in the right direction.

If you ignore Faux noise for a year, then you’re in!!

At my apartment laundry room, I clean the lint filter before using the machine, and always see at least two geologic layers of colored lint from the previous users.

One time I happened to read the warning on the washer lid against washing clothes exposed to cooking oil because they could combust in the dryer. Then I heard clunking from the load in the dryer. I didn’t know what it was until I got my clothes out, and the previous tenant had left his plastic cigarette lighter in the dryer. It probably fell out a clothes pocket and went through two loads of drying without exploding. If it did, it would have taken all my good clothes with it. Some people are so inconsiderate.

Which heaven are you aiming for?

Well Rat, a lot of fires start by not cleaning that!

Always leave the toilet LID down!

No one can ever do enough good things to earn their way into heaven.

I worked with a girl that had been dating a guy for years. When she asked if they were ever going to get married, he said “no” and the reason was she never cleaned the dryer lint screen and it could cause a fire.

“Heaven isn’t based on merit, it’s based on favoritism.If it was based on merit, your dog would go in and you wouldn’t.” Attributed to Mark Twain

Maybe it would help if he cleaned the lint from his navel.

@gary If that was the ONLY fault that the lady had, then she’s better off without him. Had he gotten off his rear end and cleaned the filter himself, he would have had a fine companion for life. It was not that big a deal.

Ah, comic strip theology. Good deeds don’t get you there.

I hate to break it to you Rat, but good deeds are not a ticket to Heaven.

Not only do you have to clean the filter but also the area below the filter (had to hook up a garden hose to a vacuum to reach it) and it the vent hose especially if it is the cheap tin foil hose.

You can’t earn your way to Heaven.

God’s criteria for getting into Heaven does not involve a set of scales. It’s a strict pass/fail test, and everyone fails…That’s why you need to know Someone who can get you in.

Before AND after? You’re going to Heaven.

You have to clean the hair out of the shower drain, too.

I do the best I can. If the Creator doesn’t like it, so be it. I’m not too fond of some things s/he has let happen, either.

Now I’m existentially terrified.

Good heavens, Rat. You really thinks that enough?

I remember from a movie I saw where they said that you can’t get into Heaven by doing good deeds alone, and that the only way into Heaven is by faith and faith alone.

RAT does the laundry? Or just clean the lint trap when no one is looking?

But you replace it with your own lint, Rat.

I have to share my washer/dryer with other people, so when people actually clean the lint trap I am happily surprised.

My wife does that. I’m going to hell.

There is no amount of good that Rat (or anyone) can do to earn their way into Heaven. Someone else already took care of that.

Rat should go straight to heaven for that, anybody been to a laundromat lately…

Next step: put the toilet lid down…

Well, did write a somewhat decent letter to former Neighbor Bob yesterday

Heaven was acquired by a conglomerate in 1983 and immediately discontinued the good deeds policy- for obvious reasons. They now require a minimum asset test, which increases annually.

I do that too. I even clean the vent PAST the lint screen sometimes.

All religions teach that we will enter heaven by works – except Christianity. In it, we learn that we have all fallen and are separated from God and can go nothing to save ourselves. But, praise God, what his law required, his grace provided in Jesus. We can be saved through true trust in Jesus’ finished work for us.

Well,Rat,as they said in that Three Stooges movie—-“I hope you brought your asbestos suit with you”.

“Well, for one thing, I’ve invented anti-gravity, which allows me to stand sideways on your vertical hill. Does that count?”

Dear children of the Cartooniverse….let us not dwell on such a divisive and unreconciled subject as World Religion…enough blood has truly & literally been shed in those fields. Rather, move the discussion to some Toon which will get us into a fruitful discussion of European Colonialism and The Doctrine of Discovery, for which a great deal if real evidence exists.

The devil is pretty darn smart. He turned the Greatest Generation times into what we now have.

I dunno, cleaning the lint screen is gold…

I used to interview a lot of IT people. Before my “leadership” forced me to ask ONLY a canned set of “behavioral” questions…one of my FAVORITE interview questions was, “What have you done recently to benefit society?”.

You would be surprised how many people could NOT come up with an answer (or be fast enough on their feet to make one up).

Next step, fold Pig’s laundry for him sometimes.

There’s more?

Pause. Have a beer. Then try to think what more Rat could do to get to heaven!

Not even close. But that is a good thing to do.