Calvin will believe anything to avoid taking full responsibility. Next thing you know, he’ll believe everything that goes through the Internet once it’s invented.
Carl Sagan pointed out that the gravitational influence of the doctor who delivers you is greater than that of a distant planet. Astrology is pure bunk.
I once had a young girlfriend get all excited because she read an article by a psychic who had followed his impulses to a beach near New Orleans where Castro was having a meeting with Hitler, who had arrived secretly via U-boat. “They couldn’t print it, if it wasn’t true.”
I just looked at her and sighed. "Do you have any idea what the maintenance costs would be to keep a World War II U-boat running today?’
If you’re a Pisces or a Libra this is where it all ends.Or if you’re ruled by Mercury I’m afraid we can’t be friends.What a shame if we’re not compatible,Cause I like you so much.To think we might miss true love by a week or a month.
Well put. I wish more people would think through the absurdity of believing that celestial objects hundreds of millions (in the case of planets in our solar system) or quadrillions (in the case of stars other than the Sun) of miles away could have anything whatsoever to do with people’s personalities or fates.
BE THIS GUY over 2 years ago
It’s not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves
Charles Barr Premium Member over 2 years ago
Might want to check the Internet just to be sure.
bigcatbusiness over 2 years ago
Calvin will believe anything to avoid taking full responsibility. Next thing you know, he’ll believe everything that goes through the Internet once it’s invented.
Templo S.U.D. over 2 years ago
makes you wonder what Calvin’s sign is? any astrological aficionados have any guesses and why?
codycab over 2 years ago
Today, most people, like myself would love to ride on stars.
Renatus Profuturus Frigeridus Premium Member over 2 years ago
Often newspapers and truth doesn’t live together. (I’m speaking about Italy).
Scorpio Premium Member over 2 years ago
Right Calvin – sure they wouldn’t
C over 2 years ago
Still makes more sense than tik tok
Alexander the Good Enough over 2 years ago
Now I read my horoscope on the Internet, so it must be even truthier!
Susan00100 over 2 years ago
“The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars but in ourselves, for we are underlings.”William Shakespeare: “Julius Caesar”.
Robert4170 over 2 years ago
Carl Sagan pointed out that the gravitational influence of the doctor who delivers you is greater than that of a distant planet. Astrology is pure bunk.
STEPUP over 2 years ago
A sucker is born every minute!!
Robin Harwood over 2 years ago
You cannot hope
to bribe or twist,
thank God! the
British journalist.
But, seeing what
the man will do
unbribed, there’s
no occasion to.
Humbert Wolfe (1885 – 1940)
orinoco womble over 2 years ago
And of course every single person in the world born under a particular “sign” has the same life choices.
charliefarmrhere over 2 years ago
They sure do print them now, even if they are not true. That goes for the TV Media too.
Charliegirl Premium Member over 2 years ago
Pre-FOX days?
rentier over 2 years ago
Oh, yes, fake news, Calvin! But I wish you, you can go your way and I wish you everything good for it!!
rentier over 2 years ago
I have ended to read my horoscope. In former times I nearly was addicted to read it, so I stopped this!!
admiree2 over 2 years ago
Plus, it’s foolproof to use when making investment decisions. Or maybe it’s proof you are….
jvo over 2 years ago
Bill really let fly at our cultural foibles and our irresponsible natures.
It was a warning that should have been taken to heart then, before the situation has become as toxic as it has now.
incognito over 2 years ago
Loving Calvin’s last line………
Zykoic over 2 years ago
So funny!
MayCauseBurns over 2 years ago
The universe is laughing behind your back.
GROG Premium Member over 2 years ago
There may have been a time when that was true, but I’m not so sure of that now.
dlkrueger33 over 2 years ago
Only if you saw it in the Sun. (Yes, Virginia, there IS a Santa Claus)
jagedlo over 2 years ago
Oh, if you only knew the truth, Calvin!
tripwire45 over 2 years ago
“The newspaper couldn’t print it if it weren’t true.” Ha.
jimchronister2016 over 2 years ago
HA!
ridenslide65 over 2 years ago
If you see it on CNN, guaranteed to be 100% Fact….lol
Skippy the Magnificent over 2 years ago
“The newspaper couldn’t print it if it weren’t true” BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
A Hip loving Canadian... over 2 years ago
“I get to have my way!”
Not if Mom learns of it first.
vaughnrl2003 Premium Member over 2 years ago
The nice thing about getting something in writing is proof that we saw it. The bad thing is, now we’re expected to do something about it.
Marcia Gibson Premium Member over 2 years ago
I’d trust my horoscope from 30 years ago as to the online news of today.
Prey over 2 years ago
I think this goes bad, for Calvin, very quickly.
Comics are the first thing to read over 2 years ago
Newspapers certainly haven’t changed much.
SquidGamerGal over 2 years ago
How does Calvin know how far away planets and stars are?
mountainclimber over 2 years ago
If it is true, then the indicative form “wasn’t” is in order. If it is not true i.e. counterfactual, then the past subjunctive form “weren’t” is used.
Well done Bill
Lee26 Premium Member over 2 years ago
I am a Scorpio. We don’t believe in horoscopes!
mckeonfuneralhomebx over 2 years ago
Yes Virginia there is a Santa Claus.
uniquename over 2 years ago
“There is no pravda in Investia and no investia in Pravda”
- Old Russian joke. Helps to know Pravda and Investia were periodicals in the USSR and that “pravda” means truth and “investia” means news in Russian.
Hydrohead over 2 years ago
There is a reason they are printed in the funny pages ;)
wiley207 over 2 years ago
Ahhh, the horoscope story arc! The first long arc after Bill Watterson’s first sabbatical.
KEA over 2 years ago
Astrologers were invented to make economists look good
The Wolf In Your Midst over 2 years ago
Ah, astrology. Yet another of humankind’s feeble attempts to exert some sort of power upon things over which they have zero control.
snowedin, now known as Missy's mom over 2 years ago
HAHAHA! The newspaper couldn’t print it if it weren’t true! Oh, my!
mistercatworks over 2 years ago
I once had a young girlfriend get all excited because she read an article by a psychic who had followed his impulses to a beach near New Orleans where Castro was having a meeting with Hitler, who had arrived secretly via U-boat. “They couldn’t print it, if it wasn’t true.”
I just looked at her and sighed. "Do you have any idea what the maintenance costs would be to keep a World War II U-boat running today?’
mindjob over 2 years ago
If you combine the Chinese zodiac with the western zodiac, 12 × 12 makes for 144 different personality types.
j4m35 over 2 years ago
“The newspaper couldn’t print it if it weren’t true.”
g04922 over 2 years ago
Right… the media never lies…. He watches too much CNN and reads the NY Times.
swanridge over 2 years ago
And it wouldn’t be on TV news if it weren’t true either. Remember those days?
christelisbetty over 2 years ago
Ah Calvin, please note, the horoscopes are (usually) on the pages with the comic strips.
Indianapolis Smith over 2 years ago
The stars say I’m a skeptic, but I’m not so sure about that.
BiggerNate91 over 2 years ago
Ho ho, we are in for a BIG ride with this arc.
locake over 2 years ago
This would be funny if so many dumb people didn’t believe it. And those dumb people are allowed to vote !
Lee26 Premium Member over 2 years ago
From the song ‘Watchersign’ by Michael Omartian
If you’re a Pisces or a Libra this is where it all ends.Or if you’re ruled by Mercury I’m afraid we can’t be friends.What a shame if we’re not compatible,Cause I like you so much.To think we might miss true love by a week or a month.
Whachersign, Whachersign.
Stephen Gilberg over 2 years ago
A rare case in which Calvin’s stupidity reaches the point of sounding an awful lot like sarcasm.
Scott S over 2 years ago
If you read it in TMZ or Buzzfeed you KNOW it’s the truth!
coffeeturtle over 2 years ago
In the physical newspapers of days gone by they used to put the horoscopes right next to the comic section.
liberalnlovinit over 2 years ago
That is why horoscopes are always on the comics page.
phoenixnyc over 2 years ago
No sillier than believing in a god.
LHGG SigmaKiller over 2 years ago
Uh oh
Rand al'Thor over 2 years ago
“Oh, Voodoo is real. You don’t want to mess with Voodoo.”
Penny, Big Bang Theory
Will_Scarlet over 2 years ago
Have you heard it’s in the stars?
Next July we collide with Mars -
Well did you evah! What a swell party this is!
evsxrk over 2 years ago
Well put. I wish more people would think through the absurdity of believing that celestial objects hundreds of millions (in the case of planets in our solar system) or quadrillions (in the case of stars other than the Sun) of miles away could have anything whatsoever to do with people’s personalities or fates.
Tossle Premium Member over 2 years ago
Newspaper astrologers are literary marvels. They can write so many words, without actually saying anything.