Calvin and Hobbes by Bill Watterson for April 11, 2022

It’s not in the stars to hold our destiny but in ourselves

Might want to check the Internet just to be sure.

Calvin will believe anything to avoid taking full responsibility. Next thing you know, he’ll believe everything that goes through the Internet once it’s invented.

makes you wonder what Calvin’s sign is? any astrological aficionados have any guesses and why?

Today, most people, like myself would love to ride on stars.

Often newspapers and truth doesn’t live together. (I’m speaking about Italy).

Right Calvin – sure they wouldn’t

Still makes more sense than tik tok

Now I read my horoscope on the Internet, so it must be even truthier!

“The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars but in ourselves, for we are underlings.”William Shakespeare: “Julius Caesar”.

Carl Sagan pointed out that the gravitational influence of the doctor who delivers you is greater than that of a distant planet. Astrology is pure bunk.

A sucker is born every minute!!

You cannot hope

to bribe or twist,

thank God! the

British journalist.

But, seeing what

the man will do

unbribed, there’s

no occasion to.

Humbert Wolfe (1885 – 1940)

And of course every single person in the world born under a particular “sign” has the same life choices.

They sure do print them now, even if they are not true. That goes for the TV Media too.

Pre-FOX days?

Oh, yes, fake news, Calvin! But I wish you, you can go your way and I wish you everything good for it!!

I have ended to read my horoscope. In former times I nearly was addicted to read it, so I stopped this!!

Plus, it’s foolproof to use when making investment decisions. Or maybe it’s proof you are….

Bill really let fly at our cultural foibles and our irresponsible natures.

It was a warning that should have been taken to heart then, before the situation has become as toxic as it has now.

Loving Calvin’s last line………

So funny!

The universe is laughing behind your back.

There may have been a time when that was true, but I’m not so sure of that now.

Only if you saw it in the Sun. (Yes, Virginia, there IS a Santa Claus)

Oh, if you only knew the truth, Calvin!

“The newspaper couldn’t print it if it weren’t true.” Ha.

HA!

If you see it on CNN, guaranteed to be 100% Fact….lol

“The newspaper couldn’t print it if it weren’t true” BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

“I get to have my way!”

Not if Mom learns of it first.

The nice thing about getting something in writing is proof that we saw it. The bad thing is, now we’re expected to do something about it.

I’d trust my horoscope from 30 years ago as to the online news of today.

I think this goes bad, for Calvin, very quickly.

Newspapers certainly haven’t changed much.

How does Calvin know how far away planets and stars are?

If it is true, then the indicative form “wasn’t” is in order. If it is not true i.e. counterfactual, then the past subjunctive form “weren’t” is used.

Well done Bill

I am a Scorpio. We don’t believe in horoscopes!

Yes Virginia there is a Santa Claus.

“There is no pravda in Investia and no investia in Pravda”

- Old Russian joke. Helps to know Pravda and Investia were periodicals in the USSR and that “pravda” means truth and “investia” means news in Russian.

There is a reason they are printed in the funny pages ;)

Ahhh, the horoscope story arc! The first long arc after Bill Watterson’s first sabbatical.

Astrologers were invented to make economists look good

Ah, astrology. Yet another of humankind’s feeble attempts to exert some sort of power upon things over which they have zero control.

HAHAHA! The newspaper couldn’t print it if it weren’t true! Oh, my!

I once had a young girlfriend get all excited because she read an article by a psychic who had followed his impulses to a beach near New Orleans where Castro was having a meeting with Hitler, who had arrived secretly via U-boat. “They couldn’t print it, if it wasn’t true.”

I just looked at her and sighed. "Do you have any idea what the maintenance costs would be to keep a World War II U-boat running today?’

If you combine the Chinese zodiac with the western zodiac, 12 × 12 makes for 144 different personality types.

“The newspaper couldn’t print it if it weren’t true.”

Right… the media never lies…. He watches too much CNN and reads the NY Times.

And it wouldn’t be on TV news if it weren’t true either. Remember those days?

Ah Calvin, please note, the horoscopes are (usually) on the pages with the comic strips.

The stars say I’m a skeptic, but I’m not so sure about that.

Ho ho, we are in for a BIG ride with this arc.

This would be funny if so many dumb people didn’t believe it. And those dumb people are allowed to vote !

From the song ‘Watchersign’ by Michael Omartian

If you’re a Pisces or a Libra this is where it all ends.Or if you’re ruled by Mercury I’m afraid we can’t be friends.What a shame if we’re not compatible,Cause I like you so much.To think we might miss true love by a week or a month.

Whachersign, Whachersign.

A rare case in which Calvin’s stupidity reaches the point of sounding an awful lot like sarcasm.

If you read it in TMZ or Buzzfeed you KNOW it’s the truth!

In the physical newspapers of days gone by they used to put the horoscopes right next to the comic section.

That is why horoscopes are always on the comics page.

No sillier than believing in a god.

Uh oh

“Oh, Voodoo is real. You don’t want to mess with Voodoo.”

Penny, Big Bang Theory

Have you heard it’s in the stars?

Next July we collide with Mars -

Well did you evah! What a swell party this is!

Well put. I wish more people would think through the absurdity of believing that celestial objects hundreds of millions (in the case of planets in our solar system) or quadrillions (in the case of stars other than the Sun) of miles away could have anything whatsoever to do with people’s personalities or fates.

Newspaper astrologers are literary marvels. They can write so many words, without actually saying anything.