Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for April 02, 2019

Should have spit in his decaf Americano.

Why people pay $5 for a decaf drink is beyond me. As for me, I have to satisfy my addiction, so you can charge what you like.

I understand the point, but there are some cretins that really deserve it.

Rat was just jealous because he’d encountered someone ruder than himself.

Sorry, sir, but you woulda kicked him too.

But, boss, your employee was insulted by a customer… couldn’t YOU have done something?

Rat, the dude was simply telling you the truth. You’re a rat with a big schnozz

Next time, simply give him his decaf Americans with a double quad shot. All will be good with him in no time

“You should have put that on the application.”

This guy must have taken literal speech lessons from Pig.

If we can’t kick those kinds of customers in the nether regions, is it OK to kick them in the danglely bits?

Yeah, I don’t wanna get kicked in the nethers neither!

Next time just put his beans in the dull grinder…

Since when does Rat need a reason to treat a customer badly?

Been a long time since we’ve seen Rat working at Joe’s Roastery.

Never thought of it that way before.

I saw that sort of punchline coming, but the name still made me laugh out loud!

Nether regions, a.k.a., the oompa loompas.

You’re in the Netherlands

Rat got a lot less than his comeuppance.

Well, your outlet is okay with a rat infestation!

For a moment I felt a twinge of pity for Rat, but luckily the feeling passed!

Never give your real name. I always say my name is Gus Tomer — that way it looks like “customer”, which is all they really need to know.

Joe you do know that Rat is a rat ….. Croc Power !

In Rat’s defense, the guy wasn’t going to get any kick from drinking decaf…

Be careful what you ask for, Rat!

Rat: Wrong, we do.

A customer finally tried to get one over on Rat.

Well, if more women did that when men try rubbing noses with them unbidden, maybe they’d have a lot less harassment to complain about years down the road.

And I’ll call you “Customer with a falsetto voice!”

How about in the fork?

Well then, where do we kick them?

Rat’s one of those nether-do-swells.

Even when they deserve it. It’s bad for repeat business (satisfying, but bad for business)

Meh. As one who has been on the receiving end of people feeling perfectly free to comment on my size (I have dwarfism) … I’d say this was justified.

Defecated Decaf.

I find the whole thing ironic from the start…first off…Rat asking to “help” somebody!? eh’ not so much

That’s assault with footery!

The one time Rat actually tries to be a good employee and this happens to him.

The one time Rat actually tries to be a good employee and this happens to him

Forget about that Starbucks job opening…

Gee, that guy took Rat’s shtick.

In that case it was valid. I’m siding with Rat on this one. He does that most of wish we could do without facing termination, or a lawsuit

I like this, he got rat pretty good.

And here’s a kick in the nuts for you. And, one for you. And …

Whoever coined the phrase, “the customer is always right,” never, ever worked retail.

WE don’t, but I do…

Rat: “Maybe you don’t…”

Where does one kick them then?

Yes, some nether regions can kick back.

Some customers, I’m afraid, are just begging to be kicked in the nether regions. Not saying one should, but I do so understand the temptation!

Another example of why in High school I decided to never work retail if I could avoid it.

I haven’t seen Snuffles or Guard Duck for a while. Please bring them back! Maybe as a week long team up?

He had it coming. Rat has a short fuse.

I understand the resentment, Rat, but the fault lies with Cartoon-Boy, who draws you with such a big schnozz. Kick him in “the nether regions” where it really hurts! Might be more effective than bashing his hard head with your baseball Bat O’ Vengeance….

Never work retail. Good advice. My son was working at a pet store, and had been instructed to NEVER allow an animal to be placed in a manner that would cause suffering or death to a pet. A customer wanted to buy something that would eat the customer’s other pets, and my son advised him of the fact that it was a bad idea. My son was fired; the customer is always right.

Yeah, right!

Yeah I’m going to be honest this guy deserved that and more

Schnozz is simply the weirdest slang ever

Rat finally gets his comeuppance