Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller for July 16, 2020

You’ll have my full attention this evening because I’m not trying to learn a script right now…

How polite! I would be expecting Howling Laughter from the Kitchen for the same Faux Pas. ;)

“Hi, I’ll not be leaving a tip, but won’t tell you.

Oops."

Smirk under your mask while we head for the door!

Chauvinism and overcriticism , typical of the French .

Expressing sarcasm is difficult with a mask because people can’t see your smile/smirk.

“We will be leaving you a 20% tip. But we haven’t decided what it’s 20% of.”

We don’t care if the wine “matches” or not – it’s what we WANT!

Ok, Andy. Now read us the specials and give us full descriptions and recommendations before we order the steak and chips with 2 glasses of the house red.

I do miss being able to smile at people. One lady’s mask today did have large smiling lips on it.

The only thing different is the mask. Smirking is always on the house.

Since you’re the waiter Miseur Andre, why don’t you take the customers’ orders and THEN recommend a wine or two that would pair nicely with them? (First rule of sales….know your product!)

“Fine. I fart in your general direction, your mother was a hamster, and your father smelled of elderberries. Now go away or I will taunt you a second time.”

I’ll have the “canard à l’orange,” and bring me a jug of Ripple.

I’ve learned to smile with my eyes, whilst simultaneously sticking my tongue out!

Note: Smirk-free establishments distance with old orange cones rather than felt roping.

Going to a restaurant while it’s necessary to wear a mask doesn’t even make the top 100 on my (Things I’d Like) To-Do list.

That one drives me crazy. If I feel like having red wine with my damned fish, I’ll have red wine with my damned fish.

As long as your eyes and brow are visible, your expression can be read reasonably well. After all those are the first indicators preceding speech.

Do people really worry about this stuff?!? I don’t know wines at all, can’t drink red, so I usually go with a white or rose—IF I don’t have tonic water with a twist of lime. pin

I don’t drink, therefore I don’t care, about your pair.

I’m Bill and I’ll be smirking beneath this mask when I calculate your tip.

Can you add some ice to the 2009 St. Emilion? Oh and bring a straw too.

Which is why my daughter loves wearing the mask. When she accidentally makes eye contact with someone, she doesn’t go into a panic trying to smile. In some ways, she can just pretend she’s invisible on her now weekly trip out of the house.

Whatever. It’s nice to finally see the interior of that corner establishment that Wiley uses so often.

On the way out the door, I would inform André : “My mask hid my smile as I stiffed you on your tip, You’ll find the penny by my napkin. Too bad, I’m usually a 25 – 30% tipper.”

Often the servers have no clue about pairings. Beware answers with the word “popular.”

We’re leaving now.

There is no “wrong wine” – drink what you like, even if it’s a sweet red wine.

Classically, waiters would have large mustaches to conceal their smirking.

He Literally just blew his cover!

The finest restaurants have straws so you can sip your wine with masks on.

TMI. Just bring the grub Festus.

Do customers really wear a mask in a restaurant? What do you do with your mask as you are eating?

(imagines version of the cartoon involving its characters wearing transparent shields (or face shields) instead of “masks” for “FULL-DISCLOSURE DINING”)

If you look at people’s face, they smile with their eyes! It’s amazing what we see/don’t see.

I guess I am a “Philistine” I prefer a dry, white Johannesburg Riesling. So, that is what I order with my steak.

Maybe I’m paranoid, maybe I deserve it, but I’ve wondered at LEAST six times before breakfast if waiters ever spit in my food……..I’d rather not take the chance just now.

Red with meat and white with chicken and fish, it’s no biggie.

But “I don’t wanna wear a mask. My righhhts are being violated.” pairs well with anything.

You know that big tip you were GOING to get, Andree?

We are not expected to continue to wear the mask at the table. That’s why all the servers have to wear theirs.

I always outsmart the waiter by ordering beer. #PBR

I only like red wine. white wine is too dry for my taste, so i just pick a wine and ask the waiter to select what I’m eating since i don’t have a clue what the etiquette is.

Look at the eyes, if they sparkle, they’re smiling. :-)

All snobbery etc. aside, the “right wine” paired with the “right food” magnificently enhances both.

Where are the Virus Cones that are supposed to go over the tables while customers are chewing their overpriced entrees?

I find pair of wine and food quite easy, I eat food and I drink wine. How hard was that?