Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for March 08, 2022

Please don’t inject shallow banter into my life.

I modeled Larry into Minecraft! https://www.reddit.com/r/Minecraft/comments/t97rvk/so_i_modeled_larrypearls_before_swine/

My first thought was Jeff Bezos. Then I thought about someone younger like the 16 year old who won a chess game against Magnus Carlson.

I want to be the person that wins the next $100 million Mega Million.

I’d be me BUT — (richer, sexier, better knees, before (or well after) the pandemic…)

Is it true Brad Pitt has bad BO though?

I would have thought that Pig would want to be Link Hogthrob!

I’d like to be the guy in a new pair of shoes.

Good laugh today.

Woman goes to doctor because her farts don’t smell…

He immediately writes a prescription for an operation… on her nose…

Her father asked one of my nieces “who would you be if you could be anyone in the world?” She would have been about 6-9 years old, and she thought about this for a while, clearly running through some sort of checklist in her mind. Finally, she said “Me!” He was beaming telling the story.

Rat and philosophy? Hmm… :D

Getting piglosophical, eh.

21 again!

i’m not sadistic enough to wish to be someone else…

I’d want to be the guy that sits outside in his lawn chair, smoking a cigar and drinking a beer while watching the sun go down everyday.Come to think about….that’s me! You can never watch too many sunsets!

I like how Rat is resting on his tail.

I wanna be a big rock star, living in a big mansion, and driving 15 cars, hey hey, I wanna be a big rock star.

According to Bowling For Soup, everyone wants to be Brad Pitt

I’d just want to be a better version of me.

who wouldn’t want to be Brad Pitt other than Angelina of course

If I could be anyone else, it would be Tom Holland. Why? Because he’s Zendaya’s current lover and MCU’s Spider-Man.

Could not possibly care less. They don’t walk in my world.

Can I turn back to my life if I find out that I don’t like their life? Pretty much everyone’s life looks better from the outside.

I don’t know who I want to be, but I do know I wouldn’t want to be no where near related to Vladimir Putin

I’d like to be the person I’d be if I lived up to my potential

Pig just said the smartest answer possible to that question. He’s smarter than we all know.

If I become someone else, would they have to become me? If so, that might be a crime against humanity.

Always be yourself. Unless you can be Batman. Then be Batman.

Myself, 50 years younger.

I’ve reached the age where I’m like Pig. I’ve accepted who and what I am. A younger and healthier body would be nice, but that ain’t happening so here I am.

I want to be a 6 million dollar woman, adjusted for inflation…..that is to say me, with a better(younger) body.

I want to be either Mario Lanza or Elvis Presley;so I’ll know people will remember me after I’m gone.

Bradley - he ever get his buck-teeth fixed?

If I was Brad Pitt I wouldn’t want to be anyone else either! Or Pig, pig lives a good life. ;)

HIGHSTERICAL!!!

“Always be Batman.”

What’re these guys doing; sitting, crouching, walking, running… What?

Jennifer Anniston is supposedly pretty stinky too.

There is apparently a trend among some celebrities of not bathing for some reason. Sad to say my sister has joined with them. Her daughter, with whom she lives, has often had to prod her to shower. I’m just happy I’m five hours away.

I like myself just the way I am ……

Brad Pitt was nice looking when he was young, but that was a long time ago, and the years have not been kind to him.

I’d be a genie, so I can grant myself wishes whenever I want. Also, I’d sound like Robin Williams.

¡Feliz Día Internacional de la Mujer!

Please don’t demonstrate you might actually be smarter than Rat, he doesn’t appreciate that fact.

Whoa, Pig! That second answer is one I want to remember for the next time someone asks me that! Plus, good job of going shallow fast.

That’s better, Pig. Now you’re down with Rat on his own level, in the gutter….

Are they sitting on the curb?