B.C. by Mastroianni and Hart for April 26, 2024

Dead giveaway

Except at night.

But it gets noisy on those nights when the female horses come to eat the grass and flowers … Yep, real night mares!

Quite neighbors

And it’s under appraised.

Until the zombie apocalypse.

Except for Michael Jackson singing “Thriller” during the night……….

“The foulest stench is in the air

The funk of forty thousand years

And grizzly ghouls from every tomb

Are closing in to seal your doom

And though you fight to stay alive

Your body starts to shiver

For no mere mortal can resist

The evil of the thriller"……..

Dad: “Did you know that the people who live in this town aren’t allowed to be buried in that cemetery?”

Me: “Oh, why?”

Dad: “Cuz they’re still alive.”

Why are there fences around cemeteries?

Because people are dying to get in!

I should have known the cemetery sale was a scam.

I mean, it was a dead giveaway.

A cemetery is a terrible setting for a convincing horror story.

Too many plot holes.

The groundskeeper for the cemetery…

in the end is buried by his work.

When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it…

The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.

Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.

When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment and said, “Ah, yes, that’s Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony, being played backwards.”

He listened a while longer, and said, “There’s the Eighth Symphony and it’s backwards, too. Most puzzling.”

So the magistrate kept listening, “There’s the Seventh… the Sixth… the Fifth…”

Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate.

He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, “My fellow citizens, there’s nothing to worry about. It’s just Beethoven decomposing.”

There’s a neighborhood here in Reykjavik that has a cemetery on one side, and a hospital on the other. It’s called “Between Life and Death”.

I had to move away from that neighborhood. My voice was starting to sound gravelly.

We lived next door to a graveyard for more than twenty years. Our kids loved to have Halloween parties, and each year they insisted on a graveyard scavenger hunt. This was respectful, fear not. They simply had to go and find a grave with their birthdate on it (or their middle name or something like that). One year they had dug a grave for a funeral later that day. When the kids pointed to the hole in the ground, I said “Huh, I just saw them bury somebody there yesterday.” You never saw a bunch of ten-year-olds runout of a graveyard so fast.

Hopefully.

At least the neighbors won’t be partying on this plane of existence anyway.

Except when you get that Beetle guy hanging around.

Not necessarily. One of our cemeteries is right next to the railroad tracks.

I’ve got an old graveyard about a half mile down the road from me, the dates go back to the early 19th century, it’s surrounded by cornfields and is considered part of the National forest that I live in.

“The last guy to sleep here had lots of piercings: wrists, feet, side. But he went to a better place.”

My friend use to live next to a cemetery, the good about it was they could have loud music outside and no one would complain.

Try something original.

“You may get a few visitors. They’re not very good conversationalists, but they don’t eat much…”

Who are the grave stones for? B.C. Cartoon world, has had no deaths or births since it was created. B.C. is and evolutionary dead end.

In the town where I used to live, there was a retirement home right next to a cemetery. I loved the irony of it.

Not a peep or moan from the neighbors…

There is a city just south of San Francisco called Colma. It has lots of cemeteries and is known for there being more dead people than living people within the city limits.

Tip-toe, through the tombstones . . .

I don’t want to live next to a graveyard. I want to live in the center of a graveyard. Quiet neighbors all around.

Yes,yes it is! I’m a corner house and yes,the cemetery IS my next door neighbor,believe it or not…….

Our local long term care is opposite a cemetery, bit spooky looking out at it

One ofl my former classmates father was an undertaker at the city’s Catholic cemetery and lived on the front corner. I asked how it was to live in such a place. He actually replied “It’s dying to get better.”

There’s a church on the way back home from where my wife used to work the second shift. She said that once in a while, while driving back home, she noticed a cloud of fog would cling to the tombstones in the nearby graveyard. If that isn’t creepy!

Some wise guy builder decided it would be a good idea to surround an existing cemetery with retirement homes. As soon as we moved in, we bought spots in the columbarium. now we know we’ll have the same zip code forever.

I wonder how Nature created those caves that are essentially individual stone huts.

Mortimer Brewster said the same thing!

When I lived in Charlotte my house was next door to a cemetery and I used to tell friends my neighbors were very quiet but I worried if they would start making noise

Just dying to get in.

When I was a kid, our house backed onto a cemetery. I loved it.

“…..Or at least it will be until the zombie apocalypse.”

Until the rocks cry out! Luke 19:40

Everyone is dying to get there.

It’s either this cave or the one next to the zoo, so he’s considering it

Years ago I worked for the Town during the summer, mowing cemeteries ……. while mowing the one by my Grandparents, I was mowing along and reading the names on the headstones …… suddenly I read one with my Grandparents name on it ….. that night I asked them about it and found out that they had a baby girl before my Father ….. but she died of crib death …… I have to say that it was a shock to see the headstone …… ;)

learn how to sleep like the Dead.

If you buy it “THEY” will come. WOOOO0000ooooo…..

but there are so many moving in!

That yard looks dead.

no bringing in coca cola because coke adds life (old advertising slogan of theirs)

The last owner left an exploding train set in the basement.

And dangerous.

Reminds me of a character who appeared in the Li’l Abner comics: "Smilin’ Zack: A cadaverous, outwardly peaceable mountaineer with a menacing grin and shotgun, who prefers things “quiet” to the point of silence."

I wonder why

It’s the dead centre of town

How many people are dead out there…….all of them!!!!

I wonder what characters they have killed off for this

You can be as loud as you want and no one complains!

I took a new job once at a university campus, and shortly after that I needed to find a new place to live. One place I found was positioned so you had to go a long way around to get to the campus, or walk through a cemetery, which in winter I would have had to do after dark. I mean, it was a short very direct walk (or cycle) through the cemetery to get to work, it would have been so convenient.

Found a different, place instead.