Brewster Rockit by Tim Rickard for July 22, 2024

Whatever wipes cleanest fastest. All other considerations are second order at best.

With the one-ply you also need to factor in the fact that you’ll unroll twice as much and fold it essentially to turn it into two-ply.

Bigger bunny wabbits is better.

That’s a crap problem.

For “value” it may be more important to buy the package with more roles. But don’t be fooled by lightweight roles.

Any roll that doesn’t fit in the in-wall dispenser is too big.

Whichever one your finger doesn’t go through.

Ha! ha! ha! ha! ha!…

To calculate the best value, Dr. Mel should also consider how many sheets are on the roll and the size of each sheet (computed in square inches, to at least two decimal places).

There’s always corn cobs or the Sears catalog.

Sadly, my proof of the Riemann Hypothesis is too large to fit in the GoComics comment section.

I thought the toilet paper conundrum was to determine which way the paper should roll off…over the top, or next to the wall. Personally, as long as it’s there, I haven’t any issue. However, this seems to matter to many other people!

Our last batch was the largest and would hardly fit in the holder

Thanks to shrinkflation, toilet paper rolls are narrower now, so the older holders that hold the rolls at each end no longer work.

Oh S*it !!

I’m still doing paper towel math.

And let’s not forget the Paper Towel Corollary to the Toilet Paper Conundrum wherein you have to assess the relative value of “Single,” “Double,” and “Triple” rolls.

Don’t forget the Strong vs Soft Conundrum!

You can get a bidet on Amazon for around $40 and you will use WAY LESS toilet paper.

Reminds me of this: Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes.

But I’ll say this; ANY toilet tissue is better than NO toilet paper.

The same formula might also apply to paper towels.

Then there the old single ply single sheet, or what I used to call Polaroid film.

An algorithm to determine how long your toilet tissue would last based on the length of the roll and how many sheets used per day was quite popular during the major stage of the COVID pandemic. The USA had a president in 2020 who was full of excrement that the country was in danger of running out of toilet tissue. Some of those people leaving Costco with 108 rolls are just getting onto single digits left.

It’s pretty clear that if you can put a million more in the same size roll that’s going to be toilet paper you can see through.

Gallagher had commented about the nonsense of scented toilet paper. “The one thing that doesn’t need to smell good, because it’s going to get f**ked up!”

The worst part of the last problem is that you’re expected to solve it in your head, standing in the aisle of a grocery store!

Shouldn’t that be the Riemann zeta function (the sum from 1 to infinity of 1 over n to the s power) instead of the harmonic series (the sum from 1 to infinity of 1 over n), which is divergent?

Just when you thought it was safe to wipe.

Life is too short to use One-Ply toilet paper.

Doc, just buy the Scott blue pack and be done with

For me, there are two additional factors in the TP Conundrum. One, I can’t buy Mega XL rolls; they don’t fit in my spare TP holder. I also can’t buy rolls packaged in 3 dimensions — a single layer package, say, four rolls high and three rolls wide, fits well in my closet. But if the same arrangement is two layers deep, it won’t fit in the space allotted.

Then there’s also the nausea factor, by which I mean I can’t stomach those commercials with the bears who carry on about how clean their a$$e$ (not to mention their underwear) are.

I thought the TP conundrum was which way to face it when you put it on the holder—in or out?