Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for November 06, 2024

One of my favorite jokes:

Q. What do you get when you play a country song backwards?

A. You get your wife back, your truck back, your house back, your dog back . . .

At least it’s better than your pickup truck cheating on you.

With the self-driving feature, the pickup truck could run away with his wife’s car.

Thank you, Stephan Pastis!!!! Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you!!!! to quote from who framed Roger rabbit, “thanks, I needed that!!!!” Dan aka…ps again a very sincere thank you from my heart!!!!

The best title I heard was “If I would have done it when I wanted to, I’d be out of jail now”!

You forgot trains!

Work is the curse of the drinking class.

From You Never Even Call Me By My Name by David Allan C​oe

Well, I was dr​unk the day my mom got out of pri​son

And I went to pick her up in the rain

But before I could get to the station in my pickup truck

She got runned over by a da​mned old train

“I’ll never forget good ol’ what’s her name.”

Only nine million?

Greatest country music song? No such thing. Best you can do is least horrible.

I got friends in low places.

“She’s actin’ single, I’m drinkin’ doubles”… “Dropkick me, Jesus, through the goalposts of life”… “You’re the hangnail in my life, and I can’t cut you off”….

And pop music is all about hooking up or breaking up. Is that better?

Well this proves people can not get enough of stupid!!!

Maybe it’s the ultimate Blues song: “I didn’t even have a girlfriend who could have run away from me…”

Good morning Steph, this is truly one of your classics!

“Three Chords and the Truth”, an oft-quoted phrase coined by Harlan Howard in the 1950s which he used to describe country music.

Was it “I Don’t Know How To Say Goodbye (Bang Bang Boom Boom)” by Dwight Yoakum and Post Malone?

I’m surprised that Pig was at a country bar, what with their love of BBQ

I listen to country and I don’t believe I’ve ever heard a song like that. If there is, I have yet to hear it.

Try including they got drunk and shot 6 holes in their freezer. That might help.

Oh, wait. That’s Jimmy Buffet.

The problem with Country is that Hank Williams, Johnny Cash, George Jones, and Willie Nelson were all GREAT. But they’re imitated by people without that talent, and it’s turned into soft rock about trucks and beer, sung with a southern accent.

I like the ones about her blowing up your new girl’s pickup truck and burning your house down. Real toe tappers, those.

Sounds like a David Allan Coe song…the “perfect country song”.

They’re all the same! It’s a conspiracy…

Oh, and their dog gets run over by their best friend’s truck.

and you get sober……..

ChatGPT:

There’s a country song about a guy with a pickup truck and a cheating spouse, and somebody drowns their sorrows. What’s the title?ChatGPT said:

ChatGPTThat sounds like Whiskey Lullaby by Brad Paisley and Alison Krauss. The song tells the story of a couple who go through heartbreak and betrayal, leading each to “drown” their sorrows in different ways. It’s a powerful ballad about love, loss, and the pain of infidelity, all against a traditional country backdrop.

Let me know if this is the song you had in mind!

You said:Any other possibilities?ChatGPT said:

ChatGPTHere are a few other country songs that fit that vibe of heartbreak, betrayal, and pickup trucks:

“Before He Cheats” by Carrie Underwood – This one has a vengeful twist, as the narrator takes out her anger on her cheating boyfriend’s truck with a baseball bat.“You Never Even Called Me By My Name” by David Allan Coe – This classic ends with a funny twist about country song clichés, including trucks, drinking, and broken hearts. It’s a bit tongue-in-cheek, but definitely fits the vibe.“Picture” by Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow – Though not as truck-centric, this duet is all about regret and heartache from both perspectives, as they drown their sorrows after a breakup.“The Thunder Rolls” by Garth Brooks – This song describes a woman discovering her husband’s infidelity as he comes home late. It has a dark, dramatic vibe, with a focus on betrayal and heartbreak.“She Thinks His Name Was John” by Reba McEntire – A sad story of heartbreak and infidelity, though it deals more with regret than directly with pickup trucks or drowning sorrows.Each of these songs captures the emotional weight of infidelity, heartbreak, and sometimes a bit of classic country revenge.

There’s a tear in my beer:)

Jerry Reed – She got the Goldmine, I got the Shaft….

Actually, this morning I’m grateful for a cartoon that’s not about the election. Thanks, Steph!

Poor Pig doesn’t pick up on little things well.

Well, you can eliminate any of the “country” songs from the last 40 years or so; at least ones he’d hear on the radio. Nashville pop ≠ country music.

(From a review I saw of a Merle Haggard compilation CD*: “This isn’t some Twinkie-fed mullet-boy singing about his truck; Merle’s the real thing!”)

*The titles in the series: Prison, Drinkin’, Cheatin’ and Hurtin’. You know – country music! (I bought Prison.)

All country songs contain one or more of the following;- my truck died- my wife ( or girlfriend) left me- my dog died!

Is there any corn in the field … and hungry children to feed?

Did the part about the dog dying help?

A YT channel named “There I Ruined It” created a song, “What Bro Country sounds like to people who don’t like Bro Country.” Do a search, worth a laugh.

Excerpt: “Gotta beer in my beer, and a Chevy in my truck. Gotta dog at the wheel, cutoff-jeans, truck. Dirt roads, backroads, beer, moonlight. Red white and blue, girl, Friday night!”

My aunt, who was a country music fan, had a saying about country music: “in country music you’re either cryin’, dyin’, or goin’ somewhere.”

“I’d rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy”…

Off topic: Up until this morning, I’ve never understood how a diehard sports fan could get so angry and upset at his/her team losing. Now I do.

Anyone remember when the genre was called “country and Western”? “Country” singers who grew up in NY or LA are nonetheless required to wear cowboy hats. That’s how you can tell they’re country. Seems like the hats are the only remaining vestige of that 2nd element. (As long as I’m being nostalgic, “Ghost Riders in the Sky” remains a huge fave of mine at karaoke.)

Half the “Country” is drowning their sorrows today.

You mean “Red Dirt Road” by Brooks & Dunn? :)>

The misogynist theme song.

♫’Put another log on the fire.

Cook me up some bacon and some beans.

And go out to the car and change the tyre.

Wash my socks and sew my old blue jeans.

Come on, baby, you can fill my pipe,

And then go fetch my slippers.

And boil me up another pot of tea.

Then put another log on the fire, babe,

And come and tell me why you’re leaving me."♪

and his dog ran away… does that help??

There’s a tear In My Beer—-and that was the only drinkable part

Many decades ago,The Hoosier Hotshots had a prophetic hit song—“Those Hillbillies Are Mountain William’s Now”

Actually country music has expanded it’s topics. Now it can be about a gal with a pickup truck and a cheating spouse, drowning her sorrows.

Somebody drowns their sorrows. That narrows it down to eight million.

and there’s a dog!

If I told you I love your body would you hold it against me? Or something like that.

“It also featured a gun, a beer and the singer’s Daddy.” “Nope, still nine million”