Crankshaft by Tom Batiuk and Dan Davis for May 23, 2024

Somewhere on Facebook, there’s a great-grandpa. Older than even Crankshaft, he was the first father to say, in the starving depths of the Great Depression to his hollow-cheeked children—

“HI HUNGRY, I’M DAD!”

Today, he reads this strip. He stares in the mirror. He cries “My God, What Have I Done?!”

“Copywrongs?” Why do I get the feeling that Batiuk overheard this from his publishers?

“Okay, Batiuk steps up to the artwork, pen in hand, looking to connect with a punchline in at least one panel. There’s Strike One…that’s Strike Two…and Strike Three called, and he goes down looking.”

Where’s Cranky?

You know what would be totally nuts, completely unbelievable, and yet still happen in this strip? We’ve only seen 1 headshot of Cindy. What if the big surprise is she steps out of the Amazing Shrinking Porsche and—SHE’S 8 AND A HALF MONTHS PREGNANT?! Due the exact same day as the Star-nosed Mole Movie debuts?! And she—oh mi gawd, wait for it it’s SO GOOD—she gives BIRTH in the VALENTINE, or maybe in a MONTONI’S CAR? Those things would be exciting! Those have NEVER happened bef—Oh. They did? More than once? Well…kinda makes it even more likely then.

Key of “Z”? I don’t think that exists, even in comic strip music.

Depending on when Barlow was alive this week (Batiuk has never been consistent on that point), his work may not have ever been copyrighted at all. The first date given for Barlow’s passing was 1627, decades before the concept of copyrights even existed.

But then, research is for chumps. And beady-eyed nitpickers. (And Batiuk can never seem to decide when this guy lived anyway.)

Copywrong is what you does when ya infringes copyright.

I know scoring of movies often is one of the last things to be finished but… Isn’t it a bit late to be looking for music for his film?

Why does Mason want this terrible music for his movie?

What’s the name of this Comic? Where’s Crankshaft?

I’m going to put the odds on this strip, word for word, having been used years (decades?) ago when Batty did the “Dinkle writes a biography of Claude Barlow using nothing but stupid puns” series.

Batty’s homage to his favorite Peanuts strip continues: once again, we are Charlie Brown, he is Lucy, and the punchline is the football.

Brutal

So, figuring “Cannonade in the Key of Z” is some kind of attempt to do a PDQ Bach-like pun, I did some googling. There is no musical style called “canonade” (my first guess), so I assume he’s shooting for a pun based on the style of “canon” (as in Pachelbel’s “Canon in D”). Which leads to the question, will this lead to a punch line of sorts when we discover the piece uses real artillery? Nah. This is Batty. That kind of mere “joke” is beneath his level of Writing™; far more amusing will be the fact that we expect such a punch line, but it never comes.

Meta-comment: GC is becoming CK. This morning I learned that the name of the actor who played Rob Petrie is now on the “banned words” list.

Much like Claude Barlow’s music, Dinkle’s jokes prove being bad at something takes a very special lack of talent.

Today’s strip must be slightly more somber. Only two smirks.

I agree………

With the disappointment I feel in the new direction the cartoonist is taking, I’d like to share a new type of comment. A Random Strip in Crankshaft History. I will obtain a random Crankshaft strip from the archive utilizing the GoComic ‘Random’ button. I will comment on the random strip and render a verdict if it is better, IMO, than the present-day offering. Certain details may be purposely left out because I want to invite you to read those strips. Constructive comments and critiques are welcome.

Today’s Random Strip in Crankshaft History: Crankshaft from January 8, 2004. Today’s random strip features the classic manner Batiuk used to denote a memory flashback, the sepia-toned photo with the photo album corners. In the first panel flashback, two boys cower behind a snowbank and regret getting into a snowball fight with childhood chums Ed Crankshaft and Ralph Meckler. One of the boys says, “We never should’ve started a snowball fight with them!” In the second panel, time returns to the present day. Ed and Ralph similarly have a couple of neighborhood boys pinned down with snowballs. Ed strategizes with Ralph, “You keep ’em pinned down while I circle around behind ’em!”

Verdict: The random comic strip is part of a week featuring winter-themed comic strips. The last four comic strips of the week feature Ed and Ralph in a snowball fight with a couple of neighborhood boys. I prefer seeing the sepia-toned panel to indicate a flashback rather than the wavy-edged borders Batiuk has utilized lately. It’s fun to see that Ed hasn’t changed much in all those years, and still has his fastball. Also, in the Saturday strip, we see Ed’s mom in a flashback!

Crankshaft 05/23/2024. One bad joke. Two bad jokes. Three bad jokes. Headdesk. I’m down for the count. Those are some bad jokes, Harry. Masone is smiling in the third panel because he clearly has an escape plan in mind.

Winner: Random comic. Hands down.

didnt batiuk say he tests all these jokes at open mike nights and gets standing ovations . what a imagination .

Where’s Lillian?

For those interested, there would have been no copyright in force for Claude Barlow’s works. According to Google the concept of copyright originated after the invention of the printing press. The ability to reproduce printed materials cheaply allowed anyone to hire a printing press to reproduce works or make pamphlets. Regulations were put in place around 1650 in which authorization was required from a designated bureau to prevent printing of "scandalous " materials. In effect, it was censorship rather than protecting proprietary rights. The first legislation in England was in 1710 and did not protect artists rights but regulated what could be printed. Copyright laws varied from country to country and an authors work could be reproduced and sold without compensation by simply going to a different country. The first international copyright agreement between US and European signatories was ratified in 1890’s.

I’d like to barf inside that piano.

Cannonade, how about using a real cannon at this.

“This guy’s music is unlistenable and f’ing HORRIBLE…I must have it for a 200 million dollar movie!”

Where is Crankshaft? I am ready to delete.

Where’s The Pizza Box Monster?

“Listen, Mason Jaw, if you need appropriate music for your movie, Chopin’s funeral march is public domain!”

Clever

They’re looking for music that’s in the public domain so they don’t have to pay royalties.

Claude was always miffed that someone Else beat him to the idea of using Cannons as “Musical Instruments” in his symphony.