Crankshaft by Tom Batiuk and Dan Davis for September 20, 2024

Au contraire, Lizard Lil, you are clearly stir-crazy.

I always order my martinis stirred, not shaken.

With Cranky in the neighborhood, Lillian was prepared to repel any incendiary assault.

Crankshaft can guard her. Zzzzzzz….

Why, yes, Lillian. Now that you mention it, your face does resemble something one would find preserved in alcohol.

I really do enjoy Cranky and am disappointed that he will so rarely appear. Since I didn’t read this years ago, I don’t know the backstory that everyone else shares about Lillian, but I sure hope all the haters here find out how much fun it is to be old and hated someday. I’m sure you all think you’re the greatest things on this earth. Just like that orange man who wants to be king…

“How long do you think you’ll be closed”? For a couple of slightly torched staircase steps and a singed garage door? Why, Alf and Ralph Monroe would have that place ready to shill “band books” in a day or two, tops.

Yeah but a rational person would take a day or two or maybe even a week before opening up again. Something like that can leave you pretty shaken, even if it only gets a few steps and a garage door.

There isn’t even any real damage besides a little bit of singeing. This is so stupid.

“I’m shaken but not stirred.”

But is she Bonded?

Close? Just because someone is trying to gets rid of a couple of stairs? It’s called closing?

Shaken but not staired eh.

There isn’t even any damage. Look for an arsonist who doesn’t ’know the first thing about burning down buildings.

So who is the arsonist? Is it dead Lucy? Or dead Saint Lisa? Or Eugene, who by now is at least 110 years old?

It’d be nice, but not likely, but perhaps an exterior elevator to the landing. Make the shop handicapped accessible as well.

Pam is SO STONED

Good for you, Lillian!

It’s Lillian McKenzie, Agent 000—License to ̶K̶i̶l̶l̶ Bore.

She will probably spend the next two or three weeks jabbering about how book banning/burning is bad, won’t she? She might even hijack a session of Congress in Washington D.C. Here we go.

Lillian: (at microphone) “Don’t ban books. It’s bad. Don’t burn books. It’s bad.”

Person in the Crowd: “Oh, she’s so brave! They burned the steps near her garage, you know!”

she’s not getting stirred up by that mess. :D