Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for January 18, 2023

Whenever I watch “Law & Order: Criminal Intent” I always wonder why they don’t just go in the tent and arrest him.

…or elevens

Old joke, funny joke!

Pig will have to rough it; but being a conscious soul, he’ll leave no trace.

He pack out what troubles he packs in.

If that bothers Pig, he’s two tents.

Ba-dum-crash!

Stakes? No, we’ll just have hot dogs and chicken.

?stnet

Camping is in tents. Very in tents.

An old sleeping bag can spoil a camping trip.

Maybe try a big name store, not play it cheap at the generic "camping store’?

These 3rd-grade-level puns used to be (thankfully) few and far between, but are becoming more common – several in the last week. Hopefully Pastis just had an off week, and this does not indicate that his creativity has waned.

Good thing he did not want 2, then he would be too tents (tense)!!

It’s hard to find customers that are not so easily offended.

Don’t get a Coleman stove…….

A guy sees the psychiatrist. He says, Doc… I keep having theses recurring dreams. One night I’m a teepee, the next night I’m a wigwam. Every night the same thing, what’s my problem? Doc says, that easy. You’re two tents!

Maybe next time use Amazon.

What does your emotional state have to do with anything?

Maybe should have offered to tip, seems most everyone thinks they’re entitled to at least 15% now.

You kind of opened up that line of questioning with the “need to relax” opener.

Many of my friends enjoy camping trips, but I’ve gotten to the point where they can drop me off at the nearest resort and pick me up on their hike out of the woods…

My favorite variant is the camping store sign “Now is the season of our discount tents.”

Old joke: A man goes into a therapist’s office. He says “Doc, you have to help me. I’m a teepee! I’m a wigwam! I’m a teepee! I’m a wigwam!”

The doctor says to him “first, you have to calm down. You’re two tents!”

Are they in a camping store?

A guy goes into a psychiatrists office. He says, “Doc, I one day I think I’m a teepee, the next day I think I’m a wigwam. What’s wrong with me?”

The doctor says, “That easy. You’re two tents.”

I am tense about sleeping in tents.

“None of your business “ seems a remark more in character with Rat than innocent, sweet tempered Pig.

I can’t seem to face up to the facts

I’m tents and nervous and I can’t relax

Don’t touch me, I’m a real live wire.

Psycho Killer.

Like I said, a lot of this kind of trouble would be avoided if anyone bothered to be specific about these things when talking to Pig. For instance, the guy could have just said “Would you like some tents?” instead of just “Tents?”.

I agree with PIG ‼️. There is NO customer service‼️

I generally only use one tent when I go camping.

MR.FIELDS:Costello will never be able to do it.His brain is too tense.

ABBOTT:Too tense?

MR.FIELDS—Yeah.Two-tenths the size of a normal brain.

Blind man swinging dog around in department store….“no, I’m just looking around!” Can’t remember(or better not try) the one about the hairlip buying camping equipment ad infinitum…

some people get tense with a salesperson looking over their shoulders

Now is the winter of our discount tents.

can’t stand a pup tent for two… it’s two in tents.

Camping the guy who was running a “the World is ending Real Soon Now” on a specified date scam? These have been going on for over 1900 years.

In a Max Schulman book the protagonist was meeting his college advisor. The advisor had some leather shoelaces in his hand. He showed them to the kid and asked, “What are these?” The kid replied, “Thongs.” The advisor beamed and said, “You’re welcome.”

This brought back memories of ancient elementary school, when my teachers often required complete-sentence answers.

Oh, I’m passed tents

Did he get the boot? Oh, no, looks like he is barefooted.

‘Tents?’ ‘Oh, I’m WAY past tents!’

He just did this exact joke on December 27th, 2022.

Pig’s literalism doesn’t quite work here.

Yikes, Pig! Are your ears clogged with bacon grease so that you can’t tell apart tents and tense?!

Or should we just blame Cartoon-Boy, as usual?

Doing it tough in tents builds character.

Reminds me of a story I heard years ago. A woman was trying to buy a sextant (For those not familiar, it’s an instrument used in celestial navigation.) as a birthday gift for her nautical enthusiast husband. When she asked a clerk at a sporting goods/outdoor store if they sold sextants, his embarrassed response? “We just sell tents, ma’am. What you do in them is your business.”

These days the only camping that I still do is to attack my opponents as soon as they spawn.

Almost as hard as finding good customers.