Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for January 17, 2022

Also, stay away from the office coffeemaker.

A Hershey bar just isn’t worth the risk, even with almonds.

the fact that he even came up with that number sounds believable.

It’s a federal holiday, and there’s ice and sleet on the roads. I’m cool to stay in bed, today.

Pretty much all vending machine related deaths were the result of people rocking the machine back and forth. It’s very unlikely it would kill you if you don’t abuse it.

Okay, Pig, I’ll bite: when was the last time you yourself got injured from a vending machine or had heard of a coworker the same way?

It’s actually 0% for almost all of them. But there’re always a few really bad ones in any given bunch. You just have to stay away from the bad vending neighborhoods.

Pig is missing a few zeros. It’s 1 in 112 million. Another way to think of it: if there are 350 million people in this country, about 3 are going to die because of a vending machine falling on them.

Tell him you have eye trouble…you just can’t see a reason for getting up!

ATMs aren’t any safer, Pig.

Pig had a cheese and beer vending machine installed in his room at the start of the COVID lockdowns.

There’s more chance that you turns into bacon, Pig.

On this date (January 17th) in 1994 (also a Monday and also Martin Luther King Jr. Day that year) a 6.7 earthquake occurred with its epicenter in Northridge, California (part of the greater Los Angeles area). It was probably very fortunate for most that it occurred very early in the morning (4:30:55 a.m. PST) when many people were still in bed (or at least still at home) – so there were a lot fewer people out on the roads where many were killed.

One year later (January 17, 1995) a 6.9 earthquake hit Kobe, Japan. More died, but once again, since it occurred early in the morning (5:46:53 a.m. JST), probably a lot less that would have later in the day.

Yeah, but life without vending machines? Could you really call that living?

Since when does pig work?

Hey Pig, did you hear? They are going to legalize cannabis in Germany. In GERMANY, for gods sake! Maybe there’s still hope for the world. Get up, enjoy the grass. Life is precious :-)

Maybe Pig prefers the 1 in 20 chance of dying of a heart attack due to his sedentary lifestyle?!

Chances go up if one consumes what is IN the vending machine

So that is what a “Pig In A Blanket” looks like ;-)

Yeah but it’s all cumulative. 1 in 112 million for a vending machine, 1 in 60000 from a bee or hornet, one in 140000 from lightning- you can only roll the dice so many times before you get a one.

(Quick Google search)Vending Machines kill more people per year than sharksWhile the thought of a Coke machine probably doesn’t fill anyone normal with the same sense of dread as a Great White, vending machines are responsible for an average of 13 deaths a year.

then there’s the risk of getting caught in the rinse cycle in a coin laundry…

Only off by 3 orders of magnitude — 112,000,000

Even worse, he might be hit and killed by Martin Luther Meteorite. It’s out there, Bro. Lurking.

Now I know why they say “change is good”!

The odds are pretty slim, Pig.

It’s a minor federal holiday which means some businesses are closed but not all of them. I still have to go to work.

@Purple People Eater Today in the US it’s Monday aka MLKD. Almost Tuesday in Australia, but it’s not a Holiday there.

Check the third paragraph: https://healthebay.org/vending-machines-more-hazardous-than-sharks/

Today, even though there is a ton of snow on the roads and the snow isn’t going to stop, I had to go to work no matter what. Going home might be a problem if the snow does not stop. So far about 4 to 8 inches at 08:00 AM ET.

But I bet he buys lottery tickets.

As my dad used to say, “Son, a poor excuse is better than none. But that one isn’t just poor, it’s completely bankrupt.”

You can’t really blame the vending machines for finally fighting back. Think of how many times they’ve been kicked, shaken, and cursed at!

Rat says “flimsier”, I say “more creative”.

.03% danger rate. Be afraid, be very afraid.

Aren’t all of ours?……

Buried in OHIO!

Now replace “vending machine” with “Wuhan Red Death.”

He should have said it was MLK Day.

Especially if it is one of those cigarette vending machines. May take a little longer, but yeah.

Pig needs to go on a low-vending machine diet anyway.

missing “wise ass on the hill”. is he returning anytime soon?

I almost never met a vending machine I didn’t like … at least till the ones that accepted bills came along and they rejected wrinkled ones.

Pig misread “million” as “thousand”.

It’s probably less likely if you never rock them.

119 comments about vending machine deaths. It must be a hot topic.

Here’s the 120th comment: Most of the harm from vending machines come from what they sell, not from falling on you.

Better odds of that happening than being killed by the covid.

Make yourself indispensable! Refuse to climb into the vending machine.

mY WATERMELON VENDING MACHNE DOESN’T WORK FOR SOME REASON.

Works for me.

Is that world-wide ? Have you seen some of the stuff they sell in vending machines in Japan ?

I once worked at a place a couple of lifetimes ago where a vending machines was busted by someone. The company put the bill to replace it and for its contents to remind people that the perpetrator owed that money so the rest of us would know not to vandalize the machines.

WHAT? A VENDING MACHINE? Man, I’m not only staying in bed, I’m pulling the covers and pillow over my head.

Any flimsy excuse is a good enough one for staying in bed and not going to work. Especially in cold, cold winter!

Off by 3 orders of magnitude: 112,000,000

It’s worse than you probably thought.

https://rushkult.com/eng/scubamagazine/things-more-likely-to-kill-you-than-a-shark/

If all the food you eat comes from vending machines you have an even better chance.

I don’t know, ever since my vending machine came to life and figured out how to build rpgs, that number might be 5 in 112,000