Pickles by Brian Crane for May 09, 2022

I have a different problem. I have the older style thinner mattress. All the sheets sets are way to big.

Better than the other type, Earl!

You’re SUPPOSED to lie still. Says Spouse. Who thinks that’s what she does. I know that I don’t…

If you DO lie still, then the unfit sheet will just hold you in its mouth without chewing…

bummer, Earl

There are YouTube videos that show how to fold a fitted sheet and it works. But I no longer use them. I buy a larger flat sheet and then wrap up the mattress like a gift and put another flat sheet over. No more fitted sheets slipping off the mattress or dealing with those garter things that pinch your fingers.

I usually find loose corners when I make my bed in the morning. I really need some new sheets.

Years ago I was at the nearby laundry mat and one of the last items out of the dryer was a fitted sheet. My grrlfren at the time had shown me how to fold those satanic fitted sheets so gave it my best shot and it turned out pretty good actually. There were several people there and I noticed it got quiet with only the sounds of the washers and dryers. Looked over my shoulder and every single one of the wome in there were just staring at me, took me a second to realize that I, a guy, had folded a fitted sheet and it caught their attention. With the laundry done I picked up my basket, turned toward the door, winked and walked out of there like a boss. True story!

If you woke up in a body bag, it might not have anything to do with the sheet.

I don’t fold fitted sheets. I just put them back on the bed after I launder them.

Must have been a king-size sheet…

Maybe Earl should count his blessings: some morning Earl might not wake up and be in a body bag.

With Earl on this One !

Old mattresses had a bead on the edges and I had plastic hold downs for the sheets that attached to the bead. New mattresses don’t have them, so I have to keep repositioning one corner. As to folding, why? Also making a bed and unmaking a bed and making a bed, rinse repeat is insane.

I just wad the fitted one up in a ball, the others I fold!

This is where Martha Stewart came in handy. If it were not for her instructions on how to fold a fitted sheet, life would’ve been a complete chaos when it came to washing (and folding) those buggers.

One day the paramedics will be grateful.

Earl, at least you woke up. Be thankful.

surprised he didn’t get thrown away by mistake.

Earl scraping the barrel looking for a subject for today’s Cranky Old Guys topic.

Someone is OBSESSED with fitted sheets, and I’ll give you a hint……. it’s not ME.

Earl will never win the war with the fitted sheet.

Even though fitted sheets are a good idea, I prefer to tuck and square off the corners…army style! Folding them is a total nightmare….

The only way to avoid folding is put them back on the bed right after laundering them. Ugh

AND THEY’RE IMPOSSIBLE TO FOLD!!!!!!

My wife and I recently spent a couple of nights with my SIL in her RV trailer. I was relegated to a sleeping bag with a blanket in a bunk bed that was barely bigger than me. I got up to pee during the night, faught my way back into bed and woke up shivering with the sleeping bag on the floor beside me. It “houdini’d”.

If you wake up in a body bag consider yourself lucky.

That’s life, that’s what it’s all about………sheets!

Those black plastic fitted sheets are the worst.

Opal keeps getting her hopes up, then Earl wakes up again.

Take the top sheet and pillow cases, roll them up in the fitted sheet, and stuff them in the closet. Ta Da!!!

Sometimes it pays to sew.

By our age, it is probably good practice.

I have a sheet like that. I am happy to say this was it’s last use as the corners have finally worn through and the sheet is starting to tear. The last of our el’cheap’o sheets. will never get 200 thread count again.

Not this again, the fitted sheets?

As long as it is a nice color and possibly a pattern, you have nothing to worry about.

This is hilarious! Started to read it and felt a “kindred spirit” – then hit the punchline. Well done.

Size up on sheets.

Impossible? I just folded one this last Saturday.

Fitted sheets can shrink. Mattresses rarely expand.

I have a couple of long elastic straps under the mattress in an X shape. Clip the ends to the sheet corners and it keeps it from coming off.

Why not just put those sheets back on the bed and not worry about folding them?

Okay. This time I laughed so hard I started coughing! Not kidding! :-D

Simple really. DON’T FOLD FITTED SHEETS. It’s just not necessary and only promoted by interior decorators, how-to book authors and cartoonists