Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for December 20, 2023

How many people went with “Hurry up, January”?

StarBitter Coffee! StarBicks is pretty cool too.

“Oops, I forgot to get something for your sister.”

Not dreenk at steenky StarBAHs and you be cheerfuls.

“Do you want rum/room?”

Hey now, I got to do my Minnie the Moocher using my new Tuvan throat singing voice at an office Christmas party. It was the best.

My favourite is “Doing Christmas on Our Own This Year and Loving It!”

Just an espresso with two slices of toast with English lime marmalade, and I’m happy.

I’ll go with the “We’ll do more in ’24”!

I went with “Next Year’s Election Year.” (It was that or “Suicide Sanka!”)

LOL! Nailed it!

No wonder you’re so mean.

One year, I ASKED my father what to get him. He said he needed a new wallet, so I bought him a wallet. He got mad at me because it was an expensive wallet. “This is real leather. What did you spend?”

The most frustrating man on earth, and I miss him terribly.

I’m with Rat – this time of year makes me actively suicidal!

With or without whipped cream?

After 3 brain surgeries, and almost 3 long months of intensive care in the hospital, my 12-year-old grandson will be coming home Friday.

BEST CHRISTMAS, EVER!!!

What happened to being positive?

How about “Retail Workers Deserve Some Appreciation?”

remember it’s @ before # except after $

Does Mr. Pastis need a hug?

Look, give me a hot chocolate with a peppermint stick in it. Done and done.

How about “Is it really that hard to make your own darn coffee?”

Because you paid $6 for a coffee Rat.

It must have a very bitter taste.

Sadly it is true and not funny. Depression spikes during this holiday. Find somebody who will be alone and make them part of your celebration.

Do what I do – don’t bother going to office Christmas parties (well, unless it’s something like a “Christmas” Pot Luck lunch at work).

Christmas hint, Dad just wants time with you. Best gift ever!

I’ll have a cup of misery with a dash of despair.

The “12 Pains of Christmas” by Bob Rivers is another flavor people seem to like. Yes, let’s all sing that one along, shall we?

“The first thing at Christmas that’s such a pain to me, is finding a Christmas tree.

The second thing at Christmas that’s such a pain to me, rigging up the lights and finding a Christmas tree."

With those names, peppermint doesn’t sound so bad now.

‘Why Am I So Depressed This Time Of Year’ is a coffee best served cold.

Why Am I So Depressed This Year? Is that the same as Pumpkin Spice?

How you don’t get sued for copyright is beyond me Pastis

Wait…what?…no pumpkin spice?!?

I went with the tried and trusted: “Bah, humbug!”

Why does the Waitresses’ song “Christmas Wrapping” come to mind?

That wasn’t on the list.

My choice: “Where is the closest NURU masseuse?”

Well in Canada we have Tim Hortons Baileys Iced Capp and Baileys Cold Brew with Baileys Flavoured Foam Just think you go to the drive-thru and get a Baileys.

Just an Irish coffee and pretend im at the opera

Why do people get depressed around the Holidays?

I want the “Just Give Me My Espresso So I Don’t Have to Wait for 20 People Ordering Coffee-Flavored Milk Shakes” and a small glass of sparkling water to cleanse the palate. :)

I feel you. I need spring.

Is that the one with extra rum?

Realism is not the reason for the season.

After Pastis gave us a wonderful Christmas strip yesterday, this was not such a great follow up. I know this isn’t a great season for everyone, but still.

Why waste time and money at Starbicks? Just fix up a nice hot Nescafe at home!

Is that guard duck on the Starbicks logo?

I would have gotten a “Would you stop playing Christmas music already!?!”