Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for June 26, 2024

And you’re not stopping any time soon, Mr. Rat, am I correct?

It might be therapeutic for the Father to write a book.

Now hail Godzilla Mary 3 times.

I sinned a lot, not perfect!

Given Rat once went across the country in diapers to kill someone while also on trial while renacting a news story no one remembers, I cannot blame him.

Not good to have a standing appointment at the Confession Booth.

If you don’t sin, then Jesus died for nothing.

Rat’s sin (or your sin or my sin) may be too much for any other human to handle, but it’s not too much for God to handle. It’s never too much.

You can sin all you want as long as you go to confesional and be forgiven. Such a good deal.

Forgive me Father for I am a Rat…..

Get comfortable, Father, this might take a while!

Can you do confession via Zoom?

As long as you can get absolution.

When I made my First Confession, the nuns never advised us that we had to speak OUT LOUD. I went in there and started confessing to God IN MY HEAD! The Priest said, “Will you start?” Again, in my head, I began. Priest AGAIN: “WILL YOU PLEEEEZE START???” in an angry tone. After all, there were 30 kids waiting to make THEIR first confession. Of course, I had no idea why he was so angry with me and started to cry right in the confessional. Ugh. I still remember that like it was yesterday.

This must be “confession day”—check out today’s “Bliss”.

Rat is Sinsational.

Sinning is Rat’s specialty.

Forgive me Father for I have ginned.

are you going to be funny again anytime soon?

Rat’s a jerk, but that priest must have led a sheltered life if Rat’s really the worst sinner that he’s ever seen.

❤️ it that Our Be❤️ed Rat goes to church. Dilly, Dilly Rat❤️! And may God Bless Us, Every One.

That must be Father Jack.

Forget it, Rat, there’s no chance of redemption for you.

My life is so boring I’d put the priest to sleep.

Then send him to the Pope!

The nuns tried to tell us that we must be honest in the confessional because the priest had a direct line to god. Scared the hell out of me for several of my formative years! (Those nuns were full of sage wisdom – did you know that when a young lady whistles, the Virgin Mary cries?)

I’ll keep sinning until I’m perfect at it.

If you’ve driven a Father batty, that’s bad!

Who knew?

I’ve never sinned.

Get in line in that processional, Step into that small confessional, There the guy who’s got religion’ll tell you if your sin’s original. If it is try playin’ it safer, Drink the wine and chew the wafer. Two, four, six, eight, Time to transsubstantiate!—Tom Lehrer, Vatican Rag

I love this cartoon!

cartoonist conspiracy, second confessional toon today

Once again, Stephan Pastis reveals a complete misunderstanding of the Gospel.

Yikes, Rat. Better get ready for… the Ninth Circle.

No one sins. One may judge an act as a sin but to do so one must contrive a complete myth and dogma and then apply a nonsense term as a label for their action. Or, more commonly, to the actions of others.

Not to worry though, one can then construct a ritual for relief of sin. Swing a dead, black cat over your head three times at exactly midnight and say oogbooga backwards and you are then free of sin once again.

for some reason I have a hard time picturing Rat going to a confessional!

I used to work at a hotel bar near a Catholic university. The priests could toss them back with the best of them.

Who knew Rat was a Papist?

not true

… Oh, yeah!! And, uh, COVET !! … Heavy on the COVET dere, uh Fadda!!

’Learned that from the Pope. And to put his Hail Mary recording on loop.

Rat will be condemned to Cincinnati.

2nd confessional toon today – sometimes I’d swear the cartoonists swap notes

In real life, I betcha the priests on the other side of the screen are taking notes on just which scared, insecure kids are ripe for a little “personal counseling”.

Remember the retort that Willie Sutton made when he was asked “Why do you rob banks?” “Because that’s where the money is!”

Why are so many pederasts attracted to the priesthood?

“I ain’t no angel; I’m full of sin, but under those conditions I would do it again.”—Billy Hughes, “Cocaine Blues”

“You can’t hear me?”

“Not really.”

“Then how do you know I just asked if you can hear me?”

Nope!

We all do. Our only hope is the grace of God. John 3:16 and all that.

Rat wasn’t confessing, he was bragging.

No kidding.