Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for December 21, 2024

And you can’t say or spell “Saturday” without “+urd”; so what?

And you can’t spell ‘Huge Waiter’ without ‘Urea Weight’.

Cannot spell “tip” at all!

The waiter waits ON Rat.Rat waits FOR the food.

Can’t spell gratuity without “rat”

Watch him, Rat. There, see him whispering something to another waiter after he brought your food to you? He said, “Well . . . he ate it.” Never annoy the waitstaff. They Bring You Your Food.

And don’t bring me the bill. My name isn’t Bill.

A cat lover pointed out that every house needs a cat because…wait for it…there’s a “meow” in “homeowner”.

Waiter’s pretty cocky for somebody who relies on tips

Don’t be so entitled, Rat. You need to learn patience.

Huh. When did my friend Don become a waiter?

We call them servers now, and you can’t spell that without S-E-R-V-E.

There’s no seasonofgoodwill in ‘season of good will’.

And you can’t spell “zero gratuity for you, you lazy contrary pile of $h!t” without Oreos Clitz and an Abba-Zabba. So there. Ha! Gotcha. …er,

Good one!

I was dining with a friend at a popular Florida restaurant, and we seemed to be waiting an inordinately long time for our food. When I politely inquired, the young waiter from Ireland whispered, “We’re having a meltdown in the kitchen. The chef’s gone all Gordon Ramsey on us!”

He suggested we try somewhere else while there was still time. We took his advice, paid for our drinks, left him a very generous tip, and went to a restaurant across the street. He saved us from what would have been a long, frustrating, and unsatisfactory dining experience.

Perhaps the waiter has come into the coffee shop shop where you “work” Rat.

Finally, someone put Rat in his place.

Finally, someone put Rat in his place.

That reminds me of when my family and I went to have lunch at a Denny’s, but the waitress kept ignoring us (probably having something to do with my Dad’s hat, which has an American flag with the words “I Stand” on it), so we just left and went somewhere else.

But be sure to to tip at least 20%

I rarely have trouble getting my food reasonably promptly. Getting my bill is another matter.

Our customer service representative is Helen Waite. If you need assistance, please go to Helen Waite.

And ya’ can’t spell arssehole without a true blue living arsse.

And now his wait just doubled as in W-W-A-A-I-I-T-T.

That’s cold. Like what Rst’s food will probably be.

…and you can’t spell Christmas without Christ.

he’s lucky Rat forgot his slugger…

How do you spell famine?

That server is fast … raise his tip to 8%, after the Senior Discount on the Early Bird Special.

and if you take the B out of Beagle, it’s an eagle.

Reminds me of last New Years Day sitting in our local Chili’s waiting for our food. It took an hour to get our orders. My Just Bacon burger was brought out without fries and my friend’s order was cold. I ate the burger because I was hungry. My friend complained to the manager and they ended up comping the entire meal.

Can’t spell ‘customer’ without a ‘u’, either—for whatever it’s worth.

There’s no “I” in team, but there is an “m” and an “e”

Can you spell “TIP”?

Thirty minutes is way too long. I’ll wait for 15, ask about my food. If I’m told it will be right out, I give it five minutes, then leave. If I have a beverage, I’ll pay for it and leave.

I want some other service person at my table. This one is too smart.

But the suffix -er implies that he’s supposed to be doing the waiting, not making Rat do it for him.