Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for August 31, 2016
August 30, 2016
September 01, 2016
Transcript:
Rat: Goat thinks that if cows could write poetry, we wouldn't kill them and eat them.
Zebra: I suppose that's true. How could we destroy such literary talent?
Cow: Roses is red, violets is blue, Plees don't shoot, Moo moo moo mooooo
The distant hills call to me.Their rolling waves seduce my heart.Oh, how I want to graze in their lush valleys.Oh, how I want to run down their green slopes.Alas, I cannot.Damn the electric fence!Damn the electric fence!
CREDIT: Far Side cartoon by Gary Larson, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
Why would you spare a cow because it can write poetry??Maybe, and it’s a huge maybe, if it can write a decent novel. Poetry is crap. In fact, who needs poets???
Question for the day: What is the singular of the word, “cattle?” Hint: It is not “cow” which can refer to a number of herd animals such as moose (meese?), elephants, etc.
Agree that this is deliriously funny, made me choke on my tea. Now, to add to the cow jokes, see below:*KNOCK KNOCKWho’s there?THE INTERRUPTING COWThe Interru —MOOOOO
Growing up on a farm and having my pet cow, goat and others slaughtered (don’t ever befriend food it just doesn’t go well and made me a vegetarian for a while) I can assure you they were never shot…their throats were slit to end it as quickly as possible. Shooting costs bullets and can take far longer than slitting the neck. No one wanted the animals to suffer so the fastest it could be over with the better.
I never did it myself, I was too young but I’d go to school and come home to feed my pets and they were missing and I wandered into the building and found my pet goat hanging upside down without skin or a head…boy did I cry.
Hey, maybe we do like the BBQ places do with pigs…the cows who can write poetry get to live and serve as the signboard mascots for the restaurants that are serving their non-literary brethren inside!
What Cow has written hardly qualifies as poetry. Heck, it barely counts as versification. Bring on the beefsteaks!
(Furtive glance to see if Happy Happy Happy! is around)The cook at the place where I oft spent summers kept rabbits in cages in a space just outside the house. If on coming in after a day’s work I’d see the cage(s) empty, I’d know we were having some version of bunny bits for dinner that evening. And, yes, it does taste like chicken; even looks like chicken, at least in certain parts….
BE THIS GUY over 8 years ago
The poetry of a ribeye is more impressive than what you’re writing.
Sherlock Watson over 8 years ago
And now the posters who keep saying “More crocs” will start saying “More cows.”
Bilan over 8 years ago
I think that I shall never chewa grass as lovely with morning dew.
gatocatcat over 8 years ago
Chick-Fil-A files copyright infringement lawsuit against plagiarizing comic artist.
Wilde Bill over 8 years ago
Every verse will end with “Eat more Chicken”.
blunebottle over 8 years ago
Her poetry mooooooooves me.
Tokenization over 8 years ago
Idk if that’s gonna help ..uhmmm…Mr.cow…Better if you just hide. ;|
Tokenization over 8 years ago
Literally :|
Liverlips McCracken Premium Member over 8 years ago
A star is born.
Trilobyte Premium Member over 8 years ago
Udderly amazing puns to follow…
wolfowned over 8 years ago
Jersey verse-y.
Kind&Kinder over 8 years ago
More cowbell, please.
biz.gocomics over 8 years ago
Maybe the cow would do better at haiku…
juicebruce over 8 years ago
More cowbell, please……………..got to keep the skit going…..
tripwire45 over 8 years ago
I had a flank steak last night. It was delicious.
llhack over 8 years ago
Not good enough-I’ll have mine medium rare!
Chad Cheetah over 8 years ago
If there was a cow next to them, why didn’t Rat say anything?
dmostroff over 8 years ago
It is so stupid, it is really funny.
Red Centipede over 8 years ago
If cows wrote political speeches or jokes for Colbert we might not eat them, but nobody reads poetry. Bad luck for cows.
Andrew Sleeth over 8 years ago
… asks a talking zebra of a rat, who spends many days at a computer composing fiction stories.
whiteheron over 8 years ago
Pastis will milk this for all it’s worth.
livermoron over 8 years ago
DISTANT HILLSby A Far Side Cow
The distant hills call to me.Their rolling waves seduce my heart.Oh, how I want to graze in their lush valleys.Oh, how I want to run down their green slopes.Alas, I cannot.Damn the electric fence!Damn the electric fence!
CREDIT: Far Side cartoon by Gary Larson, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
uniquename over 8 years ago
Wait until he meets 2 Cows and a Chicken
shakeswilly over 8 years ago
Holy cows are found only in the lines of poetry. Others can be shot or eaten or turned into a jacket.
Carl Rennhack Premium Member over 8 years ago
This poetic cow could be another Roberta Frostbite…or Carla Sandbag!
James Wolfenstein over 8 years ago
Why would you spare a cow because it can write poetry??Maybe, and it’s a huge maybe, if it can write a decent novel. Poetry is crap. In fact, who needs poets???
rshive over 8 years ago
Shakespeare it’s not.
omegasupreme over 8 years ago
to moo or not to moo that is the udder question…
SR over 8 years ago
Not good enough. I’ve herd all these puns before.
JPuzzleWhiz over 8 years ago
“Eat Mor Chikin”
Ermine Notyours over 8 years ago
Worked for Charlotte’s Web, though it was the spider who was being creative.
David Rickard Premium Member over 8 years ago
I wonder if Vogans started the same way…
A. Weiner over 8 years ago
Steph is a real cowpoke.
Radish... over 8 years ago
I’ve never seen a purple cowI’ve never tried to eat one…
BiathlonNut over 8 years ago
Question for the day: What is the singular of the word, “cattle?” Hint: It is not “cow” which can refer to a number of herd animals such as moose (meese?), elephants, etc.
zeexenon over 8 years ago
Shhh, baby tuckoo may be reading.
BiathlonNut over 8 years ago
Was it Robert A. Heinlein who said, " Poets who read their own work in public should be staked out on an anthill?"
foxsinger Premium Member over 8 years ago
Utter poetry!
Vonne Anton over 8 years ago
Agree that this is deliriously funny, made me choke on my tea. Now, to add to the cow jokes, see below:*KNOCK KNOCKWho’s there?THE INTERRUPTING COWThe Interru —MOOOOO
mike75035 over 8 years ago
Eat more Chikn!
angelfiredragon over 8 years ago
Growing up on a farm and having my pet cow, goat and others slaughtered (don’t ever befriend food it just doesn’t go well and made me a vegetarian for a while) I can assure you they were never shot…their throats were slit to end it as quickly as possible. Shooting costs bullets and can take far longer than slitting the neck. No one wanted the animals to suffer so the fastest it could be over with the better.
I never did it myself, I was too young but I’d go to school and come home to feed my pets and they were missing and I wandered into the building and found my pet goat hanging upside down without skin or a head…boy did I cry.
Hokie1979 Premium Member over 8 years ago
Hey, maybe we do like the BBQ places do with pigs…the cows who can write poetry get to live and serve as the signboard mascots for the restaurants that are serving their non-literary brethren inside!
Number Three over 8 years ago
Why doesn’t Zebra appear much any more?xxx
Skylark over 8 years ago
Cows won’t be talkinganytime soon.May I suggest theyjump over the moon
danketaz Premium Member over 8 years ago
Sledgehammer to the forehead pops to mind.
Sisyphos over 8 years ago
What Cow has written hardly qualifies as poetry. Heck, it barely counts as versification. Bring on the beefsteaks!
(Furtive glance to see if Happy Happy Happy! is around)The cook at the place where I oft spent summers kept rabbits in cages in a space just outside the house. If on coming in after a day’s work I’d see the cage(s) empty, I’d know we were having some version of bunny bits for dinner that evening. And, yes, it does taste like chicken; even looks like chicken, at least in certain parts….
PurpleVegan over 8 years ago
Go vegan. Whatever color of vegan you want to be, be it!
Paul Go Premium Member over 8 years ago
now I’m all hungry
Jeff0811 over 8 years ago
A cow haiku:
A cow without hornsIs in the female subsetWould I steer you wrong?
asianwoof over 8 years ago
Let me digest that for a moment.
Kaputnik over 8 years ago
The cows may wish,That we’d eat fish.Sorry Chief,We like our beef.
HowieL over 8 years ago
Does no one remember Cows With Guns?https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FQMbXvn2RNI
billdaviswords over 8 years ago
That’s “chikn.”
grampianlothian over 8 years ago
The last line doesnt scan. Moo moo moo would be better.
Thanos almost 6 years ago
Hey Chick-Fil-A called, and they want their cow mascot back Steven. :\
RaZaP over 4 years ago
The first Pearls strip I ever read. :D
alantain about 1 year ago
What about cows that write bad poetry? Does that make them fair game?