Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller for May 01, 2019

S – S, So Screwed.

Wicked.

Will the boat stop to pick them up? Noah way!

“Good new is, I see a boat.

Bad news is, I think the tide’s gonna rise…a LOT!”

“Ahoy on the island! Have either of you ever committed a sin?”

Is it raining only on Noah and no place else? That would make it difficult to decide if it is better to stay on the island or board the ship.

There’s at least 2 bears on board that are hungry.

“Sorry, we already have 2 males of your species on board”

Noah was notorious for not picking up hitch hikers. You are soooo out of luck.

If Noah lets them on board, at least he’ll have two more people that can change the newspapers in the stalls.

As I recall from the Biblical account, once Noah got the last animal on board and closed up the ark, that was it, so these guys on the island are out of luck.

Sorry, we’re full. You can’t get off here.

Attention animals! Last potty stop for the next 10,000 nautical miles.

Castaway #1: “…It’s full of animals and there’s a heavy rainstorm along with it!”

Here’s part of the lyrics to “Origin of the Species,” a fine song by Chris Smither – “Then came the flood, Go figure… Just like New Orleans only bigger. No one who couldn’t swim would make it through. The lucky ones were on a boat. Think “circus,” And then make it float. I hope nobody pulls the plug on you! How they fed that crowd is a mystery, it ain’t down in the history. But it’s a cinch they didn’t live on cakes and jam. Lions don’t eat cabbage and in spite of that old adage, I ain’t never seen one lie down with a lamb”

The bad news is that you are standing on the top of mount Ararat and the ship needs room to ground herself. And the carnivores are hungry.

A Scotsman’s take on the Noah story, language perhaps NSFW. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uxRpMP3NqUs

… the bad news is, it’s fictional.

Mrs Brown’s Irish version of Noah’s tale; language NSFW. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QarofaycN3c

And you know what they’re going to have to work their fare doing . Someone has to clean up after all those animals.

Well, technically they are a “pair”

What are the odds that the ark already picked up a pair of cartoon castaways?

That ark is riding pretty high in the water.

That’s actually how it looked in real life.

An interesting historical question: did Noah’s three sons precede him off the ship, or did he come off first? It’s the former, because the Bible says Noah came fourth.

The bad news is, if they did get picked up they’d be put on shovelling duty below deck.

In one part of Genesis it is stated that one animal of each gender boarded, but in another part of Genesis it states that twelve “clean” animals (kosher ones?) divided equally by gender and only one pair of “unclean” animals boarded. Which was it? Since the kosher animals tend to be very large, this would have huge implications for the feeding and cleanup crew.

Princess of the Seas.

I’m not sure if a ride on the “magical genocide and incest” boat would have been worth it. After a month, think of the stench below deck. And after a year of the planet’s surface being submerged, with all fresh water contaminated with salt water and no edible plant life, those boat rations are now your only food sources.

Yes, I know it’s fiction. But biblical Fundamentalists claim otherwise, with the $110,000,000 “Ark Encounter”, AKA “Ark Park”, claiming otherwise. They even claim that dinosaurs were transported on the ark, that it all happened ~4,300 years ago, and that the last of the dinosaurs died around the time of King Arthur.)

THIS would make a good " Twilight Zone"!!!

“Quick – make a sign that says ‘guide animals only.’”

Look up in the tree an hope you can see a dove.

I can’t remember for sure if it was on here (I think it was), but awhile back I posted a comment wondering if there’d ever been a cartoon mashup between the desert isle gag and the Noah’s Ark gag. And, lo and behold, here one is!

Well, it’s not Ken Ham and his ark, because it doesn’t float.

If it’s packed to the gunnels with millions of tons of livestock, how does it ride so high in the water? Or is that what makes it a magical mystery ship? Or is this not Noah’s vessel, which was designed as a box, not a ship, according to the instructions in Genesis 6? Think Ark of the Covenant. An arkwright is a person who used to make chests or boxes. Curiouser and curiouser.

The biblical account of climate change.

The bad news is that the ark is full. The other good news is that at least we’ve missed the collapse of civilization.

People who are opposed to abortion should spend some time contemplating how many unborn fetuses perished due to the omnicide perpetrated by Yahweh. (Of course, it’s all a myth; there never was any Great Flood. But the fact that TBs completely ignore their own hypocrisy in what they believe was ordained by God is nonetheless fair game for ridicule.)

Sounds as if, Wiley had the intro but no punchline. Bada-Bump.

I’m sure they’d fit them in – they are a pair, after all.

Maybe it’s Boner’s Ark.

Maybe they will get Lucky and Noah is tired of shoveling out the Bottom of that Arc all by himself.

…and the bad news, it looks like another election season of bragging and badmouthing (from both sides of the isle) on the horizon.