Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for July 02, 2024

If a guy like that shows up on our porch, he’ll learn the my .22 will negate that thing he’s carrying. He may learn it in the after-life though.

Hey, free bodyguard. Maybe use the backdoor for a bit.

What happened to Guard Duck !?!?

Is he from Pittsburgh?

Plank you very much.

Never bring a blade to a gunfight.

I’d ask his going rate for stabbing people who take other’s packages from porches… but that’s just me.

Maybe he can stab the thiefs.

I don’t get mad; I get stabby.

… and he says, “Aye.” and “Arrr.” a lot.

Is Larry the croc after him? (tick,tick)!

The porch pirate stole the gun I’d ordered….

Stabbing on the porch? It’s OJ!!!

Yo, ho, ho and a bottle of ho hum.

I count 12 Rs in the dialogue.

He just stab peoples? In that case he a terrorist.

When I was young, we couldn’t afford a dog, my parents made me walk the plank…

Where’s Guard Duck? He’d make the pirate walk the plank—any plank available!

Does anyone know a curvy half-genie hero?

How’d ya get the eyepatch? First day with the hook.

Looks like a hooker to me.

Kids on Halloween beware. Or anyone you don’t recognize. Shoot first, ask questions later. It’s the American way.

That’s a relief. I thought he slit people’s gullets

Arrrr!

Argh.

Stabbing people. A real laugh riot.

a gun won’t do any good when you’re watching them on the ring cam

And he says “Arrrrr,” a lot — it’s so annoying.

Pirate McStabby, at your service .

’Tis a pirate after me own heart!

I am the very model of a modern major general…………..

Considering some of the weird crap and critters posted online from Ring cameras, that’s not the weirdest or most dangerous thing I’ve seen.

So far, theft from my porch has not been an issue. Most deliveries go to the garage anyway. In the event of an unwanted “guest”, those that need to know that my dogs are loose in the house already know. The rest, 50/50. Read the beware of large dogs signs and take your best shot, if you must : )

Looks like Russfert T Diggins from the “Drunk and on Drugs Happy Funtime Hour” show

No, a literal porch pirate. I love literal jokes.

I refuse to use the term Porch Pirate. Too cutesy. I just call them thieves.

“My hand, it is a hook I cannot even clap. I often stab myself when I go to wipe my crap.It sucks to be a pirate”.——“It Sucks to be a Pirate” by the Dandy Pirates.

Where’s Guard Duck? Wasn’t he taking care of package thieves just last week?

I want that porch pirate!

Arrrrrrrrr…

A porch pirate to keep porch pirates away…hmmm…

Fighting pirates with pirates, I like it!

No ARRRGUMENT from me. He can stay there.

No match for Guard Duck. Why is he even still there?

Hoist the colors and set sail for adventure, The Crimson Permanent Assurance Company hauls anchor right after tea!

It’s the Knifeketeer!

Well, I’ll be…