Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for July 22, 2024

  1. Ding a ling
    BasilBruce  5 months ago

    “Worry keeps me awake, so if you can’t fix me, please put me to sleep tonight.”

     •  Reply
  2. 290px wow signal
    ImDaRealAni  5 months ago

    Or what butchers do to their slaughtered.

     •  Reply
  3. Missing large
    John Smith  5 months ago

    That’s probably the smartest thing pig has ever said

     •  Reply
  4. Ava2
    C  5 months ago

    Fixer upper special

     •  Reply
  5. Missing large
    CementerAD5  5 months ago

    This is why you are asked several times BEFORE you go into surgery, as to what YOU are going to be operated on for.Also, this is why some people Magic Marker their body as to what is to be done to them, just in case Dr. Nick is the “one with the knife”.

     •  Reply
  6. Crazyforkedindianpalmsquirrel max 1mb
    B UTTONS  5 months ago

    Dear Pig,

    We can fix you into a (1) delicious cut of ham, (2) savory smoked bacon, (3) pork chops, or (4) roasted with an apple, or (5) side of pork and beans to be served around a campfire.

    Please tell us your choice.

    Have a good day,

    Powers-That-Be-in-the-Universe.

     •  Reply
  7. Missing large
    david.bruce  5 months ago

    I’m with pig on this one!

     •  Reply
  8. Bluedog
    Bilan  5 months ago

    Fix him so that he doesn’t get ink all over his forehead when he writes.

     •  Reply
  9. Talkingturkey 741293
    potfarmer  5 months ago

    You-nicked that in the bud.

     •  Reply
  10. Mrpeabodyboysherman
    iggyman  5 months ago

    Hope the powers that be find you fixable, Pig!

     •  Reply
  11. Flag
    c001  5 months ago

    Pig doesn’t seem to be completely done with Pigita.

     •  Reply
  12. Unnamed3
    minty_Joe  5 months ago

    Pig, the Serenity Prayer, every day.

     •  Reply
  13. Tumble
    Keno21  5 months ago

    I think most people need to be ‘fixed’.

     •  Reply
  14. Aoh14ggnpr0bjht13a1u9vlhky2idrnlstoohaw9irxd=s96 c
    DanielRyanMulligan1  5 months ago

    Some people don’t NEED to be “fixed”(both meanings intended)!!!! Dan aka…

     •  Reply
  15. Me
    Indiana Guy Premium Member 5 months ago

    That’s why you have to be really, really careful when you say your wishes to a genie.

     •  Reply
  16. Screenshot 20180802 120401 samsung internet
    Kurtass  5 months ago

    I had my daughter fixed.

     •  Reply
  17. Crankyc
    franki_g  5 months ago

    you need to put yourself in neuteral and relax

    Just spayin’

     •  Reply
  18. Mr haney
    NeedaChuckle Premium Member 5 months ago

    Just saw a news article about gene altered pigs that will be used for organ transplants. Pig better stay as he is.

     •  Reply
  19. P1030260
    einarbt  5 months ago

    Pig might like to read “The Monkey’s Paw” by W. W. Jacobs before making any wishes.

     •  Reply
  20. Missing large
    eric_harris_76  5 months ago

    Pig is smarter than Dilbert’s PHB.

    “Tell the company nurse I said ‘Never mind’.”

     •  Reply
  21. Ellis archer profile
    Ellis97  5 months ago

    Pig must have a huge complex if he writes a letter like that.

     •  Reply
  22. Fe9a6b5e df21 4f3a bf55 4590a5295ee7
    ajr58(1)  5 months ago

    One guy walked up to another at the bar, and asked why there was a 12 inch pianist, on the bar playing. The first guy responded, you must annunciate clearly when you ask the genie for your wish.

     •  Reply
  23. Gators
    Croc Holliday  5 months ago

    The earth is overpopulated. More people should be fixed.

     •  Reply
  24. Picture
    MitchellTimin  5 months ago

    Pig should choose a different term.

     •  Reply
  25. 689 6897683 blue rebel alliance logo png transparent png
    KEA  5 months ago

    Specify. Don’t Imply. — words to live by.

     •  Reply
  26. 1djojn
    RobinHood  5 months ago

    Dear Universe, STOP TRYING TO FIX ME!

     •  Reply
  27. Missing large
    David_the_CAD  5 months ago

    As with all renovation and recovery projects, it is important to know what “Fixed” is before you start doing the work.

    Working without a plan, knowing what you are working on/for, will result in a lot of waisted effort and pain.

     •  Reply
  28. Fa45a36a09349dc70111cdbd73087b7b
    Strawberry King  5 months ago

    Well, of course you don’t want to be fixed the way people do their pets!

     •  Reply
  29. Img 0448  2018 01 29 23 33 16 utc
    pheets  5 months ago

    Moreso every day.

     •  Reply
  30. 20220812 185624
    bilbrlsn  5 months ago

    Clarity is only important when the message is important.

     •  Reply
  31. Missing large
    win.45mag  5 months ago

    We do that to you guys, too, pig. Sorry.

     •  Reply
  32. Resized 20210528 163948
    Queen of America  5 months ago

    When I have pain, before I got see the doc, I mark it with a Sharpie. When I saw Alyssa two months ago about my shoulder pain, she asked what happened and why my arm and shoulder were marked in red. I said because that’s where it hurts. I make a big X or circle. Been doing this since 1991 when I had some foot pain.

     •  Reply
  33. Missing large
    hoffquotes2  5 months ago

    Barrow- A castrated male pig. Typically castrated at 2 weeks old, all male 4H pigs are barrows.

     •  Reply
  34. Greg backlit
    mindjob  5 months ago

    And he can get a microchip at the same time and never get lost again. Win win

     •  Reply
  35. Missing large
    Katje  5 months ago

    Transform Pig in Ham and Bacon. That’s a good improvement. :D

     •  Reply
  36. 96480   copy  2
    Goat from PBS  5 months ago

    Can’t “fix” also mean, “to beat up?” Like, “I’ll fix you!”

     •  Reply
  37. Nowyoulisten
    zeexenon  5 months ago

    And women to their husbands … I’m not sure about lifetime male “partners,” not that there’s anything wrong with that.

     •  Reply
  38. 1968 avatar 1
    pamela welch Premium Member 5 months ago

    Pig, Specificity is always preferred; be on the safe side ;-)

     •  Reply
  39. Missing large
    annqueue  5 months ago

    It’s step 7.

     •  Reply
  40. Froggy with cat ears
    willie_mctell  5 months ago

    We had a 17 pound tuxedo who was only a bit overweight. He always said “I may be neutered but I’m not fixed.”

     •  Reply
  41. Caledonian railway engine
    mail2jbl  5 months ago

    Or what mothers do to their daughters when their ears don’t get pierced right.

    True story: When my sister turned 13, Mom took her to get her ears pierced. Apparently they didn’t do it right, so my mom and sister were in the waiting room to have it redone. My dad called my mom, and she told him, “I’m in the waiting room with our daughter to have her fixed.” My sister wanted to crawl under the chair and die from embarrassment, and other people who overheard what my mom said laughed too. Mom regretted her choice of words. And to this day my sister, who will turn 35 in December, actively tries to forget that that moment ever happened.

     •  Reply
  42. Missing large
    Jim Crigler  5 months ago

    “Ha, Ha! Biff!”

     •  Reply
  43. Missing large
    sincavage05  5 months ago

    My wife had me “fixed” years ago. 10$ and ten minutes out of my day.

     •  Reply
  44. Frog4
    Digital Frog  5 months ago

    Enough with the euphemisms, just call a spayed a spayed

     •  Reply
  45. Amazing fox photos 25
    eddi-TBH  5 months ago

    The Powers-That-Be inevitably mess up these requests. No matter how carefully worded.

     •  Reply
  46. Missing large
    Swirls Before Pine  5 months ago

    Pig must have met a Genie at some time.

     •  Reply
  47. Missing large
    Swirls Before Pine  5 months ago

    At least when Humans get “fixed” they only disconnect the toys, leaving them behind so you can still play with them.

     •  Reply
  48. Missing large
    Lord Pantsalot the Wise  5 months ago

    The powers of the universe turned him into a broken car, then had a mechanic fix it

     •  Reply
Sign in to comment

More From Pearls Before Swine