Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for May 10, 2022

A harsh moment of self-awareness.

:-D https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GG5ghP8XLW8

And the wipers weren’t working.

“I was bacon on the plate of life”

the nice thing about obituaries is you won’t see them because you are dead!

Pretty honest, Pig.

It took real guts to do that!

Neighbor Bob just needs to send a copy of the obituary to his uncle hoping his uncle will put Bob back in the uncle’s will.

Can anyone sum up his or her life in one sentence? I need at least two. Maybe three, but that’s it.

As my Mom said about what she wants at her funeral, “I don’t care. I won’t be there.”

“Exit- Stage left.”

Describes most of us, Pig.

Was anyone else expecting a bad pun based on the setup in the first panel?

Hmm. Maybe I’ve summed up Stephan Pastis’ life in one sentence.

Pig’s wisdom is only matched by his modesty.

In life, Pig was a source of fourth-panel punchlines. In passing, he was delicious smothered in hot mustard and pepper sauce.

Depressing, Pig!

Life’s reward: Less than you expect, more than you deserve.

“Sometimes you’re the windshield, sometimes you’re the bug”

To paraphrase Blazing Saddles, “Pig just bacon in game of life”

nobody cares I’m dead so quit wasting time and ink!

I agree with Pig this time! Those who knew the deceased knows …..

In Him we live an move and have our being, Acts 17:28.

Real life shortest obit ever:

https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2015/07/02/doug-died-douglas-legler-obituary/29619781/

Short and sweet.

I’m adding this to the script for my final service.

We spend too much time worrying about it. One day we’ll die and that’s that. I hope if I have some useful bits left they can be harvested and donated to someone in need (except my eyes, nobody is getting those). Then the rest of me can be burnt up and stuck in a coral reef or planted under a tree or similar. I hope not to be crushed into a diamond and worn as jewelry because that’s just weird. But given that I’ll be dead, I don’t suppose I’ll much of an opinion on it at that point.

How about, “Pig was a good friend to all who knew him”. It’s succinct AND very true…..

No worry, Pig — I see you. And I have Windex.

I’ll run the race and never be the same again.

My life in one sentence: Goat was a huge sports fan.

Neighbor Bob’s obit would be far more meaningful and genuine if he wrote about his uncle’s success as an uncle. What he’s actually writing is just hearsay, I want to know what impression he made on Bob,

“The nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised”

GEORGE WILL

Comedian Stan Laurel said—“If I see anyone crying at my funeral,I’ll never speak to them again”

The goin’ up was worth the comin’ down.

Sometimes you’re the windshield; sometimes you’re the bug…

Knopfler

William Henry Harrison did, Pig. And a month later someone had to write his obit.

Reminds me of something my elderly aunt said when on a road trip and a huge bug hit the windshield. “Well, he won’t have the guts to do that again.”

I admire Pig’s honesty, but I think he’s being a bit too hard on his loveable self!

In a few more years and no one will understand the analogy. One man has been counting the number of bug splats when he drives a certain route for about 30 years and what used to an average of about a 100 is now closer to 0. Fact is insect populations have decreased dramatically in the past 30 years. Like 90% or so and many insect species have already gone extinct and many more will in the next 20 years. Thats the food supply for bats, frogs, birds, and many other important species. When i was young we had to clean the windshield after every long drive. Now i cant remember the last time i had to do so.

“Nice isn’t what he was. It’s who he was.”

I am a world-renowned television celebrity, a movie star, an engineer, a snowboarder, scuba diver, sky diver… (once), I can ride a unicycle, play guitar and banjo, I collect antique snowmobiles, … and that’s just off the top of my head.

……… Oh, and I voted for Trump. (And I’ll do it again).

Can’t do it—still living and loving it!

Pig," To live is the most important thing in the world, Most people just exist" Oscar Wilde.

Words of Wisdom from Pig! Who needs a Wise Ass on the Hill, anyway?!

Mine would read: “Um… He was okay, I guess. Here’s to you looking up, while we are down.”

Makes me think of a Genesis song from their early days called “Fly on a Windshield”: “I’m hovering like a fly, waiting for the windshield on the freeway”

Got the bill for Grandma’s funeral. Attached was a note: if they don’t get a payment by Friday, up she comes!