Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for April 18, 2021

A new study shows that 74 percent of studies are wrong.

Butter is one of the leading causes of happiness.

My own study revealed to me that the problem is “new” studies. After a few years, the ones that still have some staying power are worth paying attention to.

Sometimes I heard that what hurts years ago is good today. Once salami was poison for our blood value and now seems that it’s not that dangerous for cholesterol.

New study shows that P.T. Barnum was right – there’s a sucker born every minute.

New study shows fried butter is better for you than reading most studies.

Therein lies the problem the layperson has with science. It’s a core strength of science that almost nothing is for certain and everything is subject to verification and falsification. Eventually, one can get much closer to the truth that way, but getting there drives most people nuts. People want certainty, and if that’s what you want religion will happily sell certainty to you and take your money at the same time…

Reading fake flip-flop news increase stress and shorten lifespan.

A new study shows that 72.29% of statistics I give you are made up on the spot.

“You have to stop taking it easy and start overdoing it. But don’t overdo it-take it easy.”

The only online comments you should trust are those submitted by Abraham Lincoln.

All generalizations are false.

“Lies! DAMM LIES! And Statistics.” Mark Twain

Fried stick of butter? Better give that back to Paula Deen.

Foods in particular are not good or bad. Their ingredients are good or bad. Most any food item is a combination of good and bad.

Many a truth is expressed in hyperbole!

It says that he’s been to the Iowa State Fair…

Fried butter? Must have gone to the Texas State Fair!

“That it’s delicious”.

as there is no study that has clearly ruled out fried butter is 100% bad for the cholestrol, pig you can simply believe ur heart and relish the taste

Best to have everything in moderation I’d say. Just about everting from eggs to red meat has been labelled as good for you, bad for you, good, bad, good, a bad ad naseum. I think some wet behind the ears researcher comes up with a view about things and thinks it’ll make their name. And so it does, but in the way they had planned. When I had heart attack 20 years ago I was told to have a glass of red wine a day. Now I’m told not to. Not that I did in the first place. So moderation is the pathway.

Everything in moderation. Including statistics.

A new study says that over time all new studies will become will become old studies.

The press, television, radio and the blogosphere latch on to every new study and report it as though the results were definitive, because the truth is not as important as eyeballs on ads.

USA Today: “Heavy coffee consumption linked to higher death risk.”

National Institutes of Health: “Study finds that coffee drinkers have lower risk of death.”

As it turns out, most of what the media reports is nothing like the actual conclusions found in the studies being reported.

I wish the media would get the message that science doesn’t work just because of one study. Science works when you have a preponderance of evidence based on peer-reviewed, repeatable results.

Sadly, the news cycle can’t wait 50 years for those clicks, so this is what we get.

If you want to know whether a study is reliable, find out who paid for it. I once read about a study that showed that eating almonds decreased your chance of heart disease. It was paid for by a California nut-growers’ association. Mars Inc. once paid for a study that showed that eating moderate amounts of chocolate strengthens your teeth. And then there are all the studies funded by tobacco companies that show that smoking is good for you.

Old study says people don’t trust new studies.

Trust the science

Is there REALLY such a thing as fried butter?!?

Forget all the bull….moderation is the key!

Deep.

This is why we all should be cautious about the internet… and avoid deep-fried butter.

A new study shows that 100% of people who breath die.

And this is why you cannot trust “the science” – especially “the science” espoused by Dr. Fauci.

Science can’t make up its mind.

a new study found that studies end up favoring whoever funded the study.

Whaddaya wanna live forever for?

Dare to think and decide for one’s self. While we are still able and allowed.

New study shows that New Studies will drive you crazy.

And Pastis puts his finger on the truth!

If you eat a balanced diet of whole foods instead of processed, that are organic (or pastured, for dairy & meat; or wild, for seafood) and keep added sugars, empty calorie carbs (ie bread & pasta that aren’t whole grain) and vegetable oils to a minimum (fruit oils like olive and avocado are far better for you), and don’t listen to studies sponsored by food companies, then you’re doing it right.

That fried stick of butter is ok if you fry it in olive oil.

Did no one notice the sausage and bacon that were thrown out with the “red meat”? Pork, the other white meat?

We all need to take the time to understand these studies and not just blindly follow experts. But common sense says don’t eat fried butter.

It said go ahead, we will do a study for you!!!

Hot dogs and sausages are destined to be declared “Health Food” once we realize how important connective tissues are to our diet.

Truth about government (taxpayer = our money) funded studies.

This is too true. Just like when they constantly say on the news that alcohol, or coffee will expand your life span, or vice versa

New study shows that not eating red meat—delicious, savory, juicy, lusciously satisfying red meat—makes life unbearably long.

Actually, a fried stick of butter means you’re going to die of terminal stupidity, as the only places you can get such disgusting “food” is at a state fair like the Texas and Iowa State Fairs – the various political reporters always mention them when reporting on the candidates appearances!

I’d rather have fried ice cream. Yeah, it’s a thing.

Stress kills. Reading the news causes stress. QED

Cherry pick the results you want to see. Hunt around until you find an “expert” who agrees with point you’re trying to make. (This can take a while). Study is now complete and can be published with, hopefully, a Government grant.

The biggest problem is that those who report studies have no idea how to interpret them.

I remember when milk was bad for you. A few years later, milk was good for you. I remember when eggs were bad for you. But it wasn’t long until eggs were good for you. I remember when sugar was good and bad for you, until it became both bad and good for you. I remember when nobody really knew what gluten was until somebody said gluten was bad for you. I remember being confused when “organic” foods were touted so highly, as I had never encountered and inorganic carrot.

The upshot is merely that I have pondered for years how in the world did the human race survive long enough to propagate itself without knowing if it’s food supply was good or bad for it?

My dad had a saying, “Everything in moderation, even moderation.” That includes foods that are “bad” for you.

The best diet is the one that makes you happy.

Wrap that sucker in bacon!

New study shows anti vaxxers should be eliminated from the herd.

Used to be every few years the ADA would change recommendations on how to brush teeth. I always did it the same and randomly I was correct. But now I use electric.

I read that smoking shortens one’s life – I quit smokingI read that eating red meat shortens one’s life – I stopped eating red meatI read that drinking shortens one’s life – I quit reading

Studies, like polls, are only as reliable as the person doing them. More often than not, the conclusion is reached before the study begins.

LOL OMG Pig! Even that is too much for me!

I prefer polls to studies.

Your fried stick of butter should be coated in powdered sugar.

You’re welcome!

What, did Pastis go back to the mid-‘90s for this one? I know these studies still take place now and took place before the mid-’90s, but I remember a point there in the mid-‘90s where every week there was a new study which said to ignore the previous week’s study as that suddenly wasn’t bad for you but the study of the current week was.

Pig should try Homer Simpson’s favorite food, bacon wrapped sticks of butter (Pig shouldn’t get upset about the bacon, remember, he thinks those BLTs taste so darn good).

Fried twinkes.

I was told a diet of fatty foods like fried sticks of butter was necessary. Hasn’t anyone else always been told, “Have to. They’re small” or did I hear that wrong?

Reading about what can kill you can kill you. Studies showing 75 percent of the people make up 3/4 of humanity.

Mmm… fried butter…

Watching the nightly news does one of two things: Make you a mindless zombie follower or Drives you Insane. Neither is a good alternative.

Latest surveys show that 100% of people are fed up with people calling them up to do surveys.

There is a problem with scientific reporting. It’s that the authors feel the need for a click-baity title. You actually have to read the article to get what’s going on. How many here were at least momentarily confused that black holes were actually holograms? That’s what the titles implied. Read the article and all that is being claimed is that the math model for holograms also seems to be accurate on how black holes function.

I ignore all studies about what to eat. I figure I’ll just follow the examples set by my forebears. After all, they all lived into their 90s, except the few smokers in the bunch, and I share their DNA. I cook using recipes that have been handed down for several generations. I must admit, however, that it is getting harder and harder to find some of the ingredients I need.

Studies are like cars: designed for rapid obsolescence. After all, “studiers” need constant employment producing new studies. So, Pig’s solution is appropriate: just ignore the studies. Chances are your chances will not change.

On a personal note, my mother once told me that as an infant I crawled up onto the kitchen table, grabbed a quarter-pound stick of butter, and started to chew on it….

No pig, go for the deep fried butter.

The other reason is that news media have no skill or patience to actually read the “new study” and understand the methodology used to arrive at the conclusion. Also, it’s really important to look at what corporate interest group sponsored that new study, only paying for conclusions that support their industry.

Deep-fried butter (stick) …. Yum!

Pig, it says who cares about your fried stick of butter. Other than why do you have one.