Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller for March 27, 2024

  1. Missing large
    rmremail  7 months ago

    Also, they aren’t ‘elevators’ when they are going down

     •  Reply
  2. Missing large
    rmremail  7 months ago

    Or we could call them ‘anxiety closets’, where you stand in a tiny space and:

    Worry what to say to the stranger that you are trapped with.

    Worry what the stranger that you are trapped with will think of you.

    Worry that you have bad breath.

    Worry that the cable will snap & you will plummet to your death.

    Feel relieved that you don’t need to worry about the stranger anymore

    feel guilty that you are hoping for somebodies death,

     •  Reply
  3. Badger 4 360
    sirbadger  7 months ago

    If you think that that’s bad, wait until you see the warning label.

     •  Reply
  4. The rat
    Ratkin Premium Member 7 months ago

    There should be a warning nOTIS.

     •  Reply
  5. 654px red eyed tree frog   litoria chloris edit1
    Superfrog  7 months ago

    The legal dept could use a lift.

     •  Reply
  6. Missing large
    suv2000  7 months ago

    Our world is filling up with BUTTERCUPS what a shame

     •  Reply
  7. Grandbudapesthotel cr alamy
    Imagine  7 months ago

    Chamber of horrors would be more accurate.

     •  Reply
  8. Trollspry
    Enter.Name.Here  7 months ago

    “I’m gonna sue! I’ve ridden in elevators many times and I STILL do not feel elevated at all.”

     •  Reply
  9. 3dflags usaal1 5
    Alabama Al  7 months ago

    Rejected sales slogan:

    Otis Elevators Dependability — Won’t Hold You Up; Won’t Let You Down.

     •  Reply
  10. Earth sea temps
    Uncle Kenny  7 months ago

    Unless your name is Horace Horse.

     •  Reply
  11. Camera1 016
    keenanthelibrarian  7 months ago

    Weasel words …

     •  Reply
  12. Barnae in ranger
    TonysSon  7 months ago

    That legal department just ruined the old Aerosmith song.

     •  Reply
  13. Pa290286
    Firebat  7 months ago

    They get paid by the word.

     •  Reply
  14. Missing large
    [Unnamed Reader - 8bb645]  7 months ago

    Like my birthday wishes “Congratulations on the celebration of the anniversary of your birth” [dang English majors]

     •  Reply
  15. Missing large
    jaydogg187  7 months ago

    My employer considers them a “vertical transportation system”. I have the internal memo to prove it.

     •  Reply
  16. Great view up here
    comixbomix  7 months ago

    I think “Legal Department” is too vague…

     •  Reply
  17. Missing large
    b45  7 months ago

    Still too vague. Add “vertically” at the end.

     •  Reply
  18. Missing large
    Egrayjames  7 months ago

    I’m so old I remember my first elevator rides. There was an elevator operator that pulled the doors shut, brought you to your destination, and then opened the doors when you arrived.

     •  Reply
  19. Avatar
    steveh64  7 months ago

    On NCIS, they also constitute Spontaneous Stationary Mini Conference Rooms.

     •  Reply
  20. Badger avatar
    Twelve Badgers in a Suit Premium Member 7 months ago

    “Elevator” has a specific, well-established and commonly-known meaning. The only time legal departments don’t like words like that is when they are trying to hide something. So, I’ll be taking the stairs in this building.

     •  Reply
  21. Fox picture avatar  2
    phritzg Premium Member 7 months ago

    Except on the top floor, where the sign simply says: “You’re Going Down”.

     •  Reply
  22. Mr haney
    NeedaChuckle Premium Member 7 months ago

    It is like the emails I get about updated policies for web sites. I never understood the originals and the updated ones are just more complicated. I’m sure they own all my stuff.

     •  Reply
  23. A0aa4143 088c 4296 85af e0065b6a9fee
    mrwiskers  7 months ago

    Just think of all the social norms practiced while using an elevator. I’m up to 7 so far.

     •  Reply
  24. Gocomic avatar
    sandpiper  7 months ago

    Obfuscation lives!! Ta-Daaaa

     •  Reply
  25. Missing large
    goboboyd  7 months ago

    And to pitch your latest project to anyone you’re sharing the brief moment with.

     •  Reply
  26. Tor johnson
    William Bednar Premium Member 7 months ago

    The sign says nothing about how to operate the “enclosed cubicles”. The “real design” is to “push all your buttons”!

     •  Reply
  27. Missing large
    dflak  7 months ago

    It has occured to me that way too many practitioners of the written word utilize engrandized words when greatly shorter words that more efficiently express the concept equally as clearly will suffice.

     •  Reply
  28. Nollanav
    DaBump Premium Member 7 months ago

    Soon to be known as AECDOMFFAs. Especially popular with MODOK.

     •  Reply
  29. Panda 2024
    Redd Panda  7 months ago

    Fun fact! The modern elevator was invented by some guy named Otis, who was tired of climbing the stairs.

     •  Reply
  30. Missing large
    kayakkate Premium Member 7 months ago

    it’s a lift!

     •  Reply
  31. Missing large
    LKrueger41  7 months ago

    The wordage on the sign omits the frequently seen admonition, “Press button if you wish to continue.”

     •  Reply
  32. Missing large
    petermerck  7 months ago

    De-elevator if you’re going down?

     •  Reply
  33. Missing large
    first0ime-movie Premium Member 7 months ago

    Lawyers would never make it that readable

     •  Reply
  34. Missing large
    jimboklein  7 months ago

    Did you know that the elevator was invented by musician Otis Redding? He discovered that people enjoyed listening to his music while standing in a small, metal box and watching lighted numbers illuminate on the walls. Later on, he figured that by attaching a rope to the top of the box, he could move people up and down tall buildings. His music was later dubbed, “elevator music.”

     •  Reply
  35. U badge 2 furbabies
    nancyb creator 7 months ago

    This elevator must be in the Pentagon. They call shovels ‘combat emplacement evacuators’

     •  Reply
  36. 0927231131 hdr 2
    Riskfinder Premium Member 7 months ago

    “!,,

    “… Move you VERTICALLY from one floor …”

     •  Reply
  37. Missing large
    sschardi  7 months ago

    I took an elevator once, didn’t know where to put it after I got home.

     •  Reply
  38. Kirby close up with poppies behind   close cropped
    mistercatworks  7 months ago

    Follow the money to the signage contract.

     •  Reply
  39. Missing large
    timbob2313 Premium Member 7 months ago

    Or they could be like the British and call them LIFTS

     •  Reply
  40. Imagescaxtkub3
    Calvins Brother  7 months ago

    That’s the way my dog see’s them.

     •  Reply
  41. Packrat
    Packratjohn Premium Member 7 months ago

    Someone beat me to it. The sign is ambiguous and should indicate “vertically only”. I’ve only been around horizontal “elevators” when I served on the Starship Enterprise. We called them “Turbolifts”. Oh, wait, no, I really didn’t serve on the Enterprise. Forget I said that. How do I erase this?

     •  Reply
  42. Spinynorman
    liberalnlovinit  7 months ago

    Vertically OR Horizontally?

     •  Reply
  43. 5aa22d7456db5.image
    Munch  7 months ago

    I like the high speed elevators.

     •  Reply
  44. Twblob
    SrTechWriter  7 months ago

    This term is one of those that drives people who are ESL speakers absolutely nuts. Because, if you are on the top floor of a building the device CAN NOT “elevate” you. It only can “depress” you. And if you want to go down from ANY floor, it’s also going to be by being depressed.

    And that’s why the drink machine always is on the next floor below – if not all the way in the basement. You need a JOLT or a COKE to lift your spirits and attitude after being “depressed”.

     •  Reply
  45. Missing large
    jeffchrz Premium Member 7 months ago

    Proudly serviced by the Otis Augmented Enclosed Cubicles Designed Only to Move You From One Floor to Another Company.

     •  Reply
  46. Missing large
    batesmom7  7 months ago

    I enjoyed a brief elevator encounter with a gentleman leaving his orthopedic doctor’s appointment. He explained that he was advised to save his shoulder by not playing so much pickle-ball. He had overdone it due to his recent retirement, which he said felt like one long weekend!

     •  Reply
  47. Photo
    AndrewSihler  7 months ago

    Well, it’s true that they take a passenger down as well as up.

     •  Reply
  48. Wolf
    Mediatech  7 months ago

    Controlled Plummeting Device

     •  Reply
  49. Missing large
    Otis Rufus Driftwood  7 months ago

    Sure this isn’t a government building?

     •  Reply
  50. Missing large
    [Unnamed Reader - 14b4ce]  7 months ago

    On the rare occasions when t hey actually function, especially in railway stations

     •  Reply
Sign in to comment

More From Non Sequitur