Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller for March 27, 2024

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    rmremail  8 months ago

    Also, they aren’t ‘elevators’ when they are going down

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    rmremail  8 months ago

    Or we could call them ‘anxiety closets’, where you stand in a tiny space and:

    Worry what to say to the stranger that you are trapped with.

    Worry what the stranger that you are trapped with will think of you.

    Worry that you have bad breath.

    Worry that the cable will snap & you will plummet to your death.

    Feel relieved that you don’t need to worry about the stranger anymore

    feel guilty that you are hoping for somebodies death,

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    sirbadger  8 months ago

    If you think that that’s bad, wait until you see the warning label.

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    Ratkin Premium Member 8 months ago

    There should be a warning nOTIS.

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    Superfrog  8 months ago

    The legal dept could use a lift.

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    suv2000  8 months ago

    Our world is filling up with BUTTERCUPS what a shame

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    Imagine  8 months ago

    Chamber of horrors would be more accurate.

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    Enter.Name.Here  8 months ago

    “I’m gonna sue! I’ve ridden in elevators many times and I STILL do not feel elevated at all.”

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    Alabama Al  8 months ago

    Rejected sales slogan:

    Otis Elevators Dependability — Won’t Hold You Up; Won’t Let You Down.

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    Uncle Kenny  8 months ago

    Unless your name is Horace Horse.

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    keenanthelibrarian  8 months ago

    Weasel words …

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    TonysSon  8 months ago

    That legal department just ruined the old Aerosmith song.

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    Firebat  8 months ago

    They get paid by the word.

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    [Unnamed Reader - 8bb645]  8 months ago

    Like my birthday wishes “Congratulations on the celebration of the anniversary of your birth” [dang English majors]

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    jaydogg187  8 months ago

    My employer considers them a “vertical transportation system”. I have the internal memo to prove it.

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    comixbomix  8 months ago

    I think “Legal Department” is too vague…

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    b45  8 months ago

    Still too vague. Add “vertically” at the end.

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    Egrayjames  8 months ago

    I’m so old I remember my first elevator rides. There was an elevator operator that pulled the doors shut, brought you to your destination, and then opened the doors when you arrived.

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    steveh64  8 months ago

    On NCIS, they also constitute Spontaneous Stationary Mini Conference Rooms.

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    Twelve Badgers in a Suit Premium Member 8 months ago

    “Elevator” has a specific, well-established and commonly-known meaning. The only time legal departments don’t like words like that is when they are trying to hide something. So, I’ll be taking the stairs in this building.

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    phritzg Premium Member 8 months ago

    Except on the top floor, where the sign simply says: “You’re Going Down”.

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    NeedaChuckle Premium Member 8 months ago

    It is like the emails I get about updated policies for web sites. I never understood the originals and the updated ones are just more complicated. I’m sure they own all my stuff.

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    mrwiskers  8 months ago

    Just think of all the social norms practiced while using an elevator. I’m up to 7 so far.

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    sandpiper  8 months ago

    Obfuscation lives!! Ta-Daaaa

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    goboboyd  8 months ago

    And to pitch your latest project to anyone you’re sharing the brief moment with.

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    William Bednar Premium Member 8 months ago

    The sign says nothing about how to operate the “enclosed cubicles”. The “real design” is to “push all your buttons”!

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    dflak  8 months ago

    It has occured to me that way too many practitioners of the written word utilize engrandized words when greatly shorter words that more efficiently express the concept equally as clearly will suffice.

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    DaBump Premium Member 8 months ago

    Soon to be known as AECDOMFFAs. Especially popular with MODOK.

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    Redd Panda  8 months ago

    Fun fact! The modern elevator was invented by some guy named Otis, who was tired of climbing the stairs.

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    kayakkate Premium Member 8 months ago

    it’s a lift!

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    LKrueger41  8 months ago

    The wordage on the sign omits the frequently seen admonition, “Press button if you wish to continue.”

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    petermerck  8 months ago

    De-elevator if you’re going down?

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    first0ime-movie Premium Member 8 months ago

    Lawyers would never make it that readable

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    jimboklein  8 months ago

    Did you know that the elevator was invented by musician Otis Redding? He discovered that people enjoyed listening to his music while standing in a small, metal box and watching lighted numbers illuminate on the walls. Later on, he figured that by attaching a rope to the top of the box, he could move people up and down tall buildings. His music was later dubbed, “elevator music.”

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    nancyb creator 8 months ago

    This elevator must be in the Pentagon. They call shovels ‘combat emplacement evacuators’

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    Riskfinder Premium Member 8 months ago

    “!,,

    “… Move you VERTICALLY from one floor …”

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    sschardi  8 months ago

    I took an elevator once, didn’t know where to put it after I got home.

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    mistercatworks  8 months ago

    Follow the money to the signage contract.

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    timbob2313 Premium Member 8 months ago

    Or they could be like the British and call them LIFTS

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    Calvins Brother  8 months ago

    That’s the way my dog see’s them.

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    Packratjohn Premium Member 8 months ago

    Someone beat me to it. The sign is ambiguous and should indicate “vertically only”. I’ve only been around horizontal “elevators” when I served on the Starship Enterprise. We called them “Turbolifts”. Oh, wait, no, I really didn’t serve on the Enterprise. Forget I said that. How do I erase this?

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    Doctor Go  8 months ago

    Vertically OR Horizontally?

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    Munch  8 months ago

    I like the high speed elevators.

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    SrTechWriter  8 months ago

    This term is one of those that drives people who are ESL speakers absolutely nuts. Because, if you are on the top floor of a building the device CAN NOT “elevate” you. It only can “depress” you. And if you want to go down from ANY floor, it’s also going to be by being depressed.

    And that’s why the drink machine always is on the next floor below – if not all the way in the basement. You need a JOLT or a COKE to lift your spirits and attitude after being “depressed”.

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    jeffchrz Premium Member 8 months ago

    Proudly serviced by the Otis Augmented Enclosed Cubicles Designed Only to Move You From One Floor to Another Company.

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    batesmom7  8 months ago

    I enjoyed a brief elevator encounter with a gentleman leaving his orthopedic doctor’s appointment. He explained that he was advised to save his shoulder by not playing so much pickle-ball. He had overdone it due to his recent retirement, which he said felt like one long weekend!

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    AndrewSihler  8 months ago

    Well, it’s true that they take a passenger down as well as up.

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    Mediatech  8 months ago

    Controlled Plummeting Device

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    Otis Rufus Driftwood  8 months ago

    Sure this isn’t a government building?

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    [Unnamed Reader - 14b4ce]  8 months ago

    On the rare occasions when t hey actually function, especially in railway stations

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