Pearls Before Swine by Stephan Pastis for June 28, 2024

“Set down the collector’s plates and raise your hands.”

2A rules.

I’m on Rat and Guard Duck with this one

We need a guard duck plush

That grenade launcher would kill him but the grenade would not explode, it needs to spin so many times to be armed. Mortars need to spin too. In Boot camp I threw my 1st grenade, went about 25’ BUT it was over a wall it when it exploded…not a good thing. I always hated grenades

Guard duck is awesome. One dimensional, but awesome at it.

Didja see the ring-vid of TWO pirates slugging it out over ONE package? I’m with duck: Those are really poor life choices.

The porch pirate was shot down in his Amazon Prime.

So, Neighbor Bob was the thief all along!

Nothing beats a deployed Guard Duck …. ;-)

Go ahead thief, make my day, quack!

The moral of the story: NEVER argue with a duck carrying a rocket launcher!

Guard Duck used to smoke a rebellious cigarette. What happened?

Everyone could use a guard duck.

I have to wonder how he even got as far as picking up the package

Yay!! Guard Duck! The porch pirate’s poor life is not going to be much longer.

So, tell me punk… Ask yourself this question: how lucky do I feel…

Seems right to me.

Guard Duck is the perfect security system.

An aside. When you are returning the cart at the store, lock your car. Saw a vid of a woman returning the cart and a thief grabbed her purse out of the car. Took about 10 seconds. All you have to do is push the button on your remote, not that big a deal.

Whoa, this is a misunderstanding! This is my package, but the delivery guy goofed up the address!

Great to see you, Guard Duck!!

Better than Ring.

There are practical reasons why this suggestion wouldn’t be feasible, but I’ll mention it anyway.

In places where porch piracy is a problem, why not have someone follow some delivery trucks?

I realize catching petty thieves is not as lucrative as writing traffic tickets for rolling stops and such, but it would actually benefit the taxpayers.

Our house is on a cul-de-sac and way back in the back of the lot. We haven’t had any trouble. Twice, we have gotten food deliveries for someone else. Nothing good though and no addresses.

Show him a thing or two, Little Guard Duck!

Slightly related:

“Did you hear about the pirates who stole all the farmer’s corn?”

“No, what happened?”

“They’re selling it in town for a dollar each.”

“You mean they’re…?”

“Yes, buccaneers!”

I have my Amazon packages delivered to a pick-up location.

I want a guard duck!

Just poke him in the nose, Duck!!

Every time I see one of those ring videos, I like to imagine the thief gleefully tearing open his ill-gotten booty box only to find a 90-day supply of adult incontinence products.

But not everyone has a Guard Duck.

When did we become a country that believes “deadly force” is the solution to everything?

Someone has probably already commented on this, but that’s a poor choice of weapon at that range.

Unless G. Duck is planning on waiting for the pirate to get some distance down the road.

Guard Duck is my favorite

Yes, Guard Duck!

I agree with Duck!

Guard Duck strikes again!

This seems like an inefficient strategy for a thief. Based on the ordering habits of people I know, your chances of randomly stealing something that is either valuable or particularly in-demand aren’t that high.

No problem with theft here but we do get mixed up mail once a week or so. We simply take it the right address. Faster and easier than returning it the PO, and we get to meet our neighbors.

It’s always a better day when guard Duck makes an appearance!

I’ve only had one package stolen from my front porch. Stupid thief stole a box of wood to make a drawer. He didn’t return it, though.

Perhaps ‘life’ is not the appropriate word under the circumstances.

I saw this earlier on another site and with blurrier eyes, and reflected that I’d never heard of thieves stealing pancakes from people’s front porches.

My last Amazon delivery, by USPS, i.e., no photo, included an extra unordered item addressed to me. SCAM, says I. Sure enough, it’s called “brushing.” Later, I received an email from the evildoer asking me to click on a web-link.

He’s our duck!

I’m thinking that Guard Duck doesn’t actually have to pull the trigger. Just pointing the RPG at the crook would be enough…

I think the RPG rocket has to go further before the warhead arms.

EXCELLENT!

Every neighborhood in America needs a Guard Duck

As crime waves go it’s pretty chancy. One never knows what’s in the package until it’s opened. And glitter bombs are easy to make.

Yeah! Guard Duck to the rescue!!!

Shoot him Guard Duck!

go gaurd duck go

We all could use duck

Yes, I’d say a duck armed with an RPG is quite a deterant.