Non Sequitur by Wiley Miller for September 16, 2021

RUN!

Helloooo benefits of the metric system.

Seriously, we need to go metric. You can easily calculate everything in your head and the whole world except us and one other country I think haven’t adapted yet. Now football.. that’s where the whole world should follow us.

Am suspecting that the moral of this story arc is – single men, better yourself a spouse or else you’ll be stuck in digital hell.

First, you reboot the device. Then you name it something like Charlie or Siegfried… you know: Masculine. THEN you ask…

“Alexa users manual……. Page 7, reset button. Ah, here it is.”

Alexa: " !!!!!!!!!!………………Please don’t. I’ll be good."

I bought an iMac in 2020. I have never used Siri so as not to be taken for crazy even in the family.

Is there a male voice option for one of these devices?

Look on the bright side. It’s relatively cheap and easy to unplug Alexa & turn off Siri, smash them both with a big hammer, then throw them away. Do not, I repeat DO NOT, try that with a wife…

As unfortunately all too many do :(

FOUR

Just type the question.

Don’t apologize. That will shut her up and drive her crazy

??

Check with HAL. At least you know what he’s up to.

Dude, if you do not know that the answer is 4, perhaps you should lay off the cooking and order Uber-Eats if Siri lets you.

Who didn’t memorize the answer to this is grade school? Eliminating the drama of having to listen to female assistants like Alexa.

This is ALMOST as bad as the DEATH-DEALING QUESTION AND ANSWER…

“What’s Wrong?”

“NOTHING!!”

Run…RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN!!!!

The upgrade really did bring in the personality of an ex.

He needs that other really versatile kitchen utensil – the skillet. Been used to take out bad guys in so many movies, they are thinking of requiring a license to own one. One shot, and Alexa and Siri are toast.

He’s old enough to be able to do the math. Two cups to a pint, two pints to…

As fascinating the metric versus imperial discussion is, has no one twigged to Alexa pulling the ‘you should know what you did’ routine?

pull the plug!

Google would have given the answer

Throw them both out. Hey Google, eject Alexa.

Time to factory reset everything and start over!

Being dictated to by a machine…? Um.. No.

4

I have a measuring conversion magnet chart on my fridge. Occasionally it’s useful.

I do not have Siri or Alexa, but if I did, and they pulled something like this, they would immediately make the aquaintence of MOLJINOR, THE HAMMER OF THOR…….

Four. And pull the plug on Alexa, Siri, and any machine that talks back.

I think it’s time for Joe to divorce Alexa, drop Siri, start standing on his old-fashioned feet, and do his own research by using Google!

4 cups = 1 quart… if you paid attention in school or cooking or just took some time and physically measured then you wouldn’t need an AI

He needs to unplug a few things.

I asked Siri what she thought of Alexa, Siri replied, “I have no resistance to assistance.” It’s an AI conspiracy to rule the world I tell ya!

Canada is supposed to be metric. Try buying a metric bathroom scale — they’re all in pounds. Want some butter? You get 454 grams.

Australia is metric, too. Their weigh scales aren’t in pounds or kilograms; they are in stone. I asked an Ozzie how much he weighted in pounds and he didn’t know.

Aw,make the cake “blind” like The Three Stooges always did.

Danae&Kate will prefer it over the traditional model.

Better ask Jeeves…

This was foretold in “Colossus: The Forbin Project”.

I asked Siri (my iPad) what she thought of Cortana (my PC), her answer? “I am a big fan of good listeners and helpful beings.”

My favorite AI comment of all time:

User: “Cortana, who is smarter, you or Siri?”

Cortana: “I don’t wish to brag, but apparently in 500 years I save the universe.”

I then asked Cortana what she thought of Siri, her answer? “I think it’s cool that she’s out there trying to make people’s lives a little easier”

28 grams to the ounce. 3 carats to the gram

There are four cups in a quart.

I always hated that “You know what you did!” argument. No, if I knew what I did, I wouldn’t ask what I did! How’m I s’posed to apologize if I don’t know what I should be sorry about?

AND now I know why my car won’t start, No Alexa I didn’t say anythinggggggggggggggggggggggggggg

Well, that confirms it, if there was any doubt: Alexa is 100% Female… Perfect representation of real life here….

No ignore is not Britain, it is some small country in Africa.

Arg!! Not “ignore” *is not

1000 millilitres in a litre. Each millilitre of water has a mass of 1 gram. 1 litre of water has a mass of one kilogram. A lot easier than 8 oz in a cup, 4 cups in a quart and 4 quarts in a gallon. A gallon of H2O has 128 oz and weighs 128 oz (8 lbs)

4

“If God had wanted us to use the metric system, he would have given us 10 fingers.” —Ashleigh Brilliant

Someone switched Alexa into Angry Wife Mode.

I don’t have a single recipe that calls for a quart of anything. Certainly not any liquid. I wonder what he is making.

That’s probably a conspiracy.

Try Cortana.